soblue, look up the friends' # in directory assistance. For now, you don't need the OW's #, but I would find out where she lives and pay her a visit when you are done with exposure.

Can you please tell me what you are doing and what your plan is so we can help you fine tune this?

Please don't go off half cocked and do this half way. If you do this half way, you are doomed. A little exposure is about like shooting the intruder with a BB gun. You do just enough damage to piss him off and cause him to come after you with MORE vigor.

You need to find a facebook page and/or the parents of the OW. CAn you find this?

Ok so my plan... I have to expose the affair. I guess that just means his boss and her boss. He has told most everyone else. He did lie to one friend and tell her his other interest was not from the work place. I was toying with the idea of calling his boss on the phone instead of making it a public record with email. I'm still pretty scattered with what I am planning so I guess I need step by step instructions.

How does this work?

you will need to re-expose to everyone he told and say ''i kno my wh has told you he is having an affair but I need your help and make him see that what he is doing is ruining our families life. Can you talk to him'' see if they can put more pressure on him.

Find out who the ow parents are and friends

There are templates that melody posted that u can use for their bosses, but you need to go higher up and hit the HR as well.

You need to call his mom and tell her everything and ask her to stop enabling her son to have an affair.

We know you can do this if you truley want to save your mariage then nuclear exposure is the key. If you are afriad to do it then you moght as well get a divorce because he has done this before and he'll do it again. Unless you wake him up from this fog then he has no desire to come back to you, and the best way to do that is to tell everyone that he knows and everone that she knows.

Good luck.

Make up a list of everyone who needs to be told and call them and tell them anyway. I am sure your H told them some lie like "we broke up and I met someone new." YOU need to call them up and say: "WS has left us for his affair with this skanky ho. I am asking that you use your influence to persuade him to end his affair and come home."


Call her up too.


This is very ineffective. Write out the letter and cc several people on it. Send it registered mail so it can't be ignored. You can call him AFTERWARDS, but you want to make your exposure official and PUBLIC. IT needs to be in his record.

Send the letter to the OW's employer, the principal at school, the superintendent, and the director of Human Resources along with any other officials who have direct power over this.


You need to find the OW's facebook page. Have you been looking for it? Can you find her parents? Do you know any of her friends, relatives?

What about timing? Is school open this week? I would get your letter written today and take it down to the post office today. Expose to everyone else on the day it is scheduled to hit the school.

Are you reading my emails, soblue? Lets get going here!

Have you googled her name? This may bring up some good intel for you. If she is on FB, LinkedIn or other social networking sites the chance is good it'll come up on Google.

Are you in the United States? Try www.intelius.com You can type her name into the box and hit 'search'. That will bring up her name as well as a list of associated names (parents, siblings, SPOUSES). You can get extra info if you pay $1.95 for a 24 hr search pass.

Sorry, I had to take some time away for my son's 9th b-day.

MBJG found the facebook page for me. She doesn't have any friends listed. I know that she is on linked in too. should I set up an account?

I will write the letter tonight. but I still don't fully understand why I have to contact the human resource person and superintendent. The principal is in charge and won't like me going over her head. I'm in education also and I know principals get angry when they are not contacted first and then if things aren't resolved then go over head.

I'm not doubting you, just want to be real clear here because I have a feeling that this bomb is going to explode on me too.

The best are her quotes on FB

Quotations
"I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. "

Because Nice Matters

Because if you DON'T cc several other people, she is free to do whatever he chooses, up to and including sweeping it under the RUG, which is very common. You must notify several people so no one gives into that temptation. IF the principal is "mad", so what? You want her to be forced to strictly follow school guidelines.

ok, if you can't find her friends and her parents, then I would go to:
peekyou.com
peoplesmart.com
intelius.com

and find her parents and/or relatives. Do you know the names of any relatives? If you do, you can search those relatives on facebook and see if you can get her parents and relatives that way.

If you can't find anything there, I would consider paying a PI [around $350] to do a background check on her so you can get the names and addresses of her parents.

Have you tried googling the OW's name?

Ok here is the exposure letter. I really need some support on the fact that this is right thing to do because I am really having a hard time with this. I know it's a real battle for my marriage. I'm just a bundle of nerves.

Dear 888888,

I am writing you this letter to inform you of the fact that my husband ****** and nurse assistant ****** are having an adulterous affair. They met in his classroom during the time when ****** is supposed to be working with *****"s student *****.

I am fighting to save my marriage. His children and I are devastated by this sudden turn of events. He has moved out of the house and is now continuing the relationship with her telling me that he has met someone who he should be with. I am asking your support because as you know, being in education, a two parent family is very important to the well being of children. Please support my efforts in ending this devastating affair.

I know he has been accused in the past of extramarital affairs but I can assure you this time it is happening. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of school resources and assets. I know that if ***** were my child I would be furious at the fact that they are using their time to get to know each other better when ***** is supposed to be focused on ******. I know he has been a great employee and I am worried about this hurting his reputation. I am shocked and concerned by his behavior.

I will cc this letter to her boss and the superintendent of schools as well. Should you have any questions please don�t hesitate to contact me at *******. If not I look forward to hearing from you once this has been resolved.

Thank you for your support of my family!
*********

I will contact my lawyer and have him draw up a separation agreement to protect myself from any repercussions from this.

Here are my thoughts. And you don't need to tell them you're cc'ing anyone - just make sure you put the cc info at the bottom of the letter so they can see where you sent it.

My friend, you need to put aside your nerves and take some advice from those of us who have saved our marriages. While there are no guarantees, this is your best chance. By helping him hide his affair, you are ENABLING it. That harms you ALL. This is your best chance.

Your marriage can survive your H's temporary anger, IT CANNOT SURVIVE AN AFFAIR.

Your letter is very good! I have made a few minor adjustments! Have you had any luck in finding the OW's parents? What about the disabled child's parents?

WHAT does this mean? HE has had other affairs at work?

What repercussions? soblue, I would not file for separation unless he refuses to end his affair. Let's expose first and THEN you can go to him and DEMAND he end his affair. If he doesn't, THEN you can file for divorce and go into Plan B.

What? There are no repercussions except really PO'ing your WH. That is a separate issue if things don't improve after exposure. You are putting the cart before the horse. Who said anything about separation?