I have a feeling this guy has had ALOT of affairs in the past that have been swept under the rug. If he gets accused of it at work, there is probably some fire under that smoke.

I guess I'm just worried. All of our bank accounts and such. I've heard horror stories and read them on here of the wws taking all the money out of the bank accounts. I will put it on hold if you think that is best. I really don't want to do it anyway. Just worried and trying to cover all bases.

He had an affair of the heart with a coworker about 5 yrs. ago. Not sure it it developed into anything physical or not. One of the janitors started a rumor about them. This one was damaging to our marriage. We got counseling and were doing well I thought. This is the woman I ran into at the gym last week. Also one of his friends that is telling him that they've never seen him happier.

He is a male who works primarily with women. He also socializes with women. Another colleague started a rumor about him and another colleague last year. He and the other accused went to the principal to complain about the rumor. This one was only a friendship, I know for certain there was not an affair with this one. This woman is also enabling him. She told him it wasn't fair for him to stay in the marriage if he was unhappy, it was unfair to both of us.

Neither of these woman will be of any help to me, they both know of the affair and don't seem to care about the devastating effects it's having on my family.

REmove your money to a safe place for now. If he cuts you off financially any judge will make mincemeat of him.

I would add this info to your letter along with the OW's name. They need to know he is a serial cheater who is a very loose cannon. He is a legal risk to the school.

Does he still work with the last OW?

Also, did you get the address of the disabled child's parents?

Yes, they still work together. I think this affair is part of his hitting rock bottom. The 1st OW recently split with her hubby, his actions were also unacceptable. Anyway after a year she is dating again and she is dating wealthy men. Not someone of my wwh's caliber. I honestly think that my wwh is having a hard time with the fact that she is dating. Maybe he thought he had a chance and now sees her for who she really is. Not sure all just a guess.

I don't even know the child's last name. All of that would be protected with privacy rights I'm sure.

There is no way you can find a class roster with the children's names?

This is why your marriage never recovered the first time. They continued to work together. When this happens, they never get out of the fog and just move onto the next affair.

I bet you will find that the affair continued for some time if you call the OW's husband. Have you ever spoken to him about this affair?

I didn't delete that part of your letter because I thought you knew the child's name. If you can get that it will add a lot of gunpowder to the letter. Is there no way you can do a little sleuthing to dig this up?

Keep updating..
Talk it out with us. We understand fear. We understand hesitation. We also understand what helps.

Ok do I have enough to send out the letters or do I continue to wait? As I have been told if I don't' follow it to a T I'll mess it up. I can't afford to go through all this just to screw up. Went out for a run, heads a bit clearer.

Here's my list:
Family, Aunt, Uncle and Parents, S-I-L too ha,ha.Thanks MBJG!
Friends: two older friends of his that have a lot of influence on him and the friend that he lied to at work about the "who" and an older friend that he thinks very highly of that is good friends with both of us. The super, his principal and her boss. Is that good enough, I've looked for his class list and staff list and I think he took it with him. It's usually by computer.

Here's the Family/friend letter:

Dear Family and Friends,

I am writing this letter to enlist you in helping me save my marriage and family. If you are receiving this letter you are a good friend to WWH. I am worried about the poor decisions that he has been making lately.

As you know he has chosen to walk away from me and the children. He insists that he hasn�t been happy and has wanted out for a long time. I know in my heart that this is not true. It�s the addictive substance of another woman clouding his brain at the moment. I am asking your help in trying to get him to come out of the fog. Many of you know me, perhaps not all very well. I love John and want what is best for him and for my family. I believe that if he truly wanted out of our marriage he would have done that, without the influence of another woman. I am asking you to use any influence you may have over him to help him see the error of his ways. If he truly isn�t in love with me as he says then he should take the time to end our relationship before getting himself involved in another one. He is heading in a direction that is dangerous for all: me, his child/children, him and the other woman. Affairs are started out of dishonesty and hurt all that are touched by it.

I know that he has been justifying his actions to all of you, me included. I ask that you don�t believe what he is saying at the moment. I�ve been told that what he is experiencing in his brain with this affair is the same thing that his brain would experience on cocaine. Hard for me to fight alone! Please talk to him and let him know that what he is doing is wrong for all.

I love him and if he wants me out of his life I will agree to that, as long as I have done everything in my power to save this marriage first. I have to look at my children and let them know honestly that I gave it the best I had. I know he will tell you that I am acting out of spite and being irrational. I am being totally rational; I am trying to save my marriage and family. Son has the right to live in a two parent family and be raised by loving caring adults. If we can�t work this out, kids do survive but it is in their best interest to be involved in a two parent family. Please believe that I am sending you these letters with WWH's best interest at heart. I am not the crazy wife, I am only sending them to people who I know care deeply about WWH and whom WWH respects.

Thank you for considering getting involved. I appreciate any help you can offer him.

Sincerely,
Wife

I would wait for the vets to review prior to sending this out.

I would also be a little leary about the crazy wife part. Do you really want to put these words into someones head it might just get stuck there.

Wait for the vets they know more since I am a newbie.

It needs to be simple and nonjudgemental or preachy to appeal to the masses.

Dear so and so,

I recently discovered my spouse is having an affair with whatshername.
I want to save my marriage and whatshername is interferring with me being able to do that.
I love my spouse very much and would like for you to advise me in any way to find a way to recover the marriage.
Thank you so much for any help,
Me


Others might add to that.

You might get helpful responses. Might get snarky ones. Just get the basic info out there. WH is in an affair, you love him and want to save the marriage.

Then, the truth is revealed (respectfully so) and things are on their way to wherever they wind up going with the truth out there.

Too much, too wordy, too needy, soblue. Hang on - there's a letter on here. I'll see if I can find it...

Just got a text from WWH. He met with a lawyer today and "I liked him and retained him" what does that mean? Is he filing?

Dear Family and Friends,

I am writing this letter to ask for your help in saving my marriage and family. If you are receiving this letter you are a good friend to WWH and someone whom I respect.

John has left our family to pursue an adulterous affair with Skankyhola, who is a visiting nurse at XXX School. According to the evidence, this affair has been ongoing since April XX, XXXX. This is his second affair that I know of in the past 5 years. His last affair was with Skankyhola #1 who is also a teacher at the school.

Since you are his friend and a friend to my marriage and my children, I am asking that you use your influence to persuade him to end his affair and come back to the marriage. Please talk to him and let him know that what he is doing is wrong for all. There is no future in his affair as she will be eternally hated by my son for breaking up his family.

Our son is heartbroken that John has abandoned his family for his affair. Son has the right to live in a two parent family and be raised by loving caring adults.

I love him and know that our marriage could be a happy, safe place if he would only end his affair with Skanky. Thank you for considering getting involved. I appreciate any help you can offer me, my husband and our son.

Sincerely,
Wife

This is a good list, but it would help if you also exposed to the OW's parents and family members. Do you have that? Keep looking for the child's parents names.

You have enough right now to run with a good exposure. SET YOUR SON DOWN AND TELL HIM TODAY. Tell him that his dad is having an adulterous affair and is leaving the family for a skank ho. Tell him her name and tell him he is FREE to speak to his dad about why is dumping his family for a ho.

Additionally, I would gather up a couple of friends and maybe even your MIL and go pay this skank a visit. You need to call and speak to your MIL personally and enlist her help. Ask her if she will go with you to visit OW. And does your MIL know this is not his first affair?

What state do you live in?