exposure done...but they still work in the same company although not the same dept. He won't quit because of bad economy. I still dont trust him. I know they are bound to bump into one another purposely or by accident. Gossip is spreading at their workplace. I still feel the need to spy on him to put my mind at ease. If at this point he is still lying to me about NO CONTACT then I know where I stand.
With my snooping, I saw a pic of them together and nearly had a breakdown...again. It brought me back to D-Day and I almost lost it again. I did not tell him about the pic as I would expose myself/my source..
I am still so lost...Although, we're not fighting anymore..little things to remind me just brings me back. I don't know if I can ever forgive and forget as I told him many times that it's the most painful experience of my life.
They both have great rep at work but I was told about the gossip spreading. I ofetn wonder if they're just taking a laying low til the heat is gone.

This takes me back. When OWH was pressuring them to end their 'inappropriate relationship' my H wrote a letter to OW (co-worker} saying that they needed to 'lay low' until the heat died down from OWH. I know. I have the letter now.

It's what they do, mavic. He has to leave the job.

You do not have to prove the WS that you know NC was broken. The know they broke NC.

You never reveal how you know the truth.

You never have to prove the truth.

Thanks so much for all the replies. I'm glad to have found this forum after D-Day. This forum has helped me get through the most painful experience of all life.
The last email OW wrote to WS is about cooling off until they are both available. This is why I am so paranoid. I asked WS how he would feel if the table were turned and I still work for the same company. No response... With many people that have knowledge of their affair including OW husband and brother...A went on for a long time. How can they condone this immoral act?!?! I feel that I am the only one against this.
How I wish I knew for sure he broke the NC rule...So, I can move on...I guess I will continue the snooping.../sigh
This experience has scarred me for life! A keloid scar that will never go away and always visible!
I just want to put this behind me... /cry

Oh no, he is in contact. They still work together. He will be triggered every day he goes there. The affair will not end until contact ends. Your marriage will never recover until contact ends.

You should go into Plan B until one of them leaves the job. Have you exposed the affair to his workplace?

mavic, his continued contact is not a negotiable issue. He either leaves or you don't have a marriage. You are facing years of on again, off again affair this way. You will die a slow death of a thousand cuts every day when he goes off to work to see her. You will never recover.

The rule is that they never see or talk to each other again or even work together.

They are still working together.

So you do know for sure that he is breaking the rule.

How are you going to choose to respond?

He is breaking NC each and every day. If he was serious about NC, wild horses could not drag him into a position where he might bump into her.

If he was serious about NC, he would have already given notice (or asked for a transfer to another city if that's an option), and be pounding the pavement to find a new job far away from that one.

If he was serious about NC, he would show you by his ACTIONS that he would rather lose any job, any amount of money, go through any amount of trouble, even bankruptcy if need be, rather than lose his family.

Actions don't lie. The A is still on, and you need to treat it as such. Plan A until you are set up to Plan B. Whether that winds up being 2 days or 2 weeks, that needs to be your course of action.

PS Gossip spreading is good. It's not a magical pill that will always end the A instantly, but it is definitely exerting pressure that will be beneficial in the long run.

BINGO!!

Update!
You guys are right. One of my NC rule is NC with her family member. Just found out today he had lunch with her brother. I went to his favorite restaurant and the waiter that we both know said,"you just missed them. They left about 20 minutes ago." the waiter told me who he was with. They are regulars there.
I have not been snooping but today his cell was going thru straight to vm and no answer in the office either. So, I got curious!

I'm packing his clothes as soon as I get home. I want to send it to OW actually but that would just prove what their saying about me that I'm a lunatic.

This is sooo painful to find out the lies!!! But, now it's over and I will move on to better life without that cheater!!! I warned him that if I fi d out he is lying to me, then we are done! I feel like a tool all this time! I was used, endured psychological abuse from the WS and OW. I almost lost my job bec I was a basket case. I wanted to end my life bec I couldn't take the pain anymore....

How have you dealt with your suicidal feelings? Do you still have them now?

I saw a psychiatrist who put me on many drugs; cymbalta, klonopin,etc. I was taking them regularly despite of the side effects; nausea, vomiting, lightheadedness. After a while, I'd be ok and have a nervous breakdown...thoughts of suicide still lingers. She wanted to admit to the hospital locked-in unit. I refused.
My best friend who is out of state was very supportive throughout my ordeal. Then, she told me to stop taking all my medications and I did. She said that she has never heard my voice like that( no life, given up ). We have been friends since high school. She was so scared that I would do it. Almost...
At the moment, I do not, but once in a while when triggered I think about it

So, last night I packed his stuff and locked all the doors. Somehow he got in. I asked him to leave. He then tells me that he is tired of being reminded of what he did. Then I said, he is not making an effort to help me forget and build trust again by lying to me about my NC rules.
I decided to go out for a drink. Before I left I told him, if he is tired of my mouth, well I am tired of his lies and that he should ask OW brother that he needs a place to stay. And, I told him that I do not want to seem him when I return.
I came home after midnight, he never left. I reminded him about my NC rules and the consequences if he brakes it.

Let me just say that I don't assume your M is unable to be salvaged at this point. It may well be recoverable, though if you choose not to we would all support you in that.

Either way, this drama needs to come to a stop, and you are the only one who has the power to control what you let into your world. I think you did ok in handling that last night, a real tough sitch no matter how you slice it. What he has told you with his actions is that you have a real challenge on your hands to bar him from your life, whether you choose D or Plan B.

He never left because he doesn't actually want to lose you, but he also doesn't yet want to do the work necessary to R, either. I personally think you should go to Plan B whether you D him or not. What family resources do you have? Friends may be able to help, but my first preference would be for a male family member to be able to spend up to a week sleeping at your home, to help you accomplish going dark.

no family around