I have met and married the most wonderful woman. She is beautiful, smart and caring. But she has an only son 10y/o and I have a son 9y//0 and a daughter 13y/o. When she divorced her ex-husband, her son (5y/o at the time) went through a phase where he hit her, talked very nasty to her, threw things etc. He slept with her and her ex and then with her when she moved out (he still sleeps with his Dad). Her ex has two children from a previous marriage that are adults. So, he had to have a vesectomy reversed and they had a hard time having her son. she is very attatched to him and allows him to hit me and talk nasty to me. When he is gone to see his Dad, we have a wonderful time, she if very loving and shows affection. When he is there, it becomes all about him, he gets between us when we walk togtether to the point we do not anylonger, if we are talking he interrupts us, and we have no physical relationship when he is around. She also has a close relationship with her mother. Her mother lived with her and they did everything together prior to me. Her mom has been against our marriage and has not bonded with my children. My wifes son has been to counseling since age 5 and she has also gone. We have gone together for about 2 years but no resalution.

Her ex has been filing false claims against me about physical abuse to thier son. Both were found false with prejudince however, there are still court proceedings in regards to other issues. Since he had done this she has become increasingly cold against me. She even now says her son goes to counseling because of me and out home.

Last week the kids were with thier other parents and we had a great time togther. This week we are to the point of divorce. We even have drawn up the seperation agreement and told our family and kids we are seperating.

I don't know how to fix this. It appears she fears loosing her son and the only way to keep that from happening is to eliminate the fuel for her ex (me).

Anyone else had this problem?

Chabut, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I wish I could lend you more advice than my sympathy, but I have never been in the situation you are currently in.

From what I am hearing, though, it sounds like the boy resents his mother's attention ever being off of him and you resent her focusing so much of herself on her son, and allowing him to disrespect you. It does sound like an unfair situation and it sounds like a 10 year old is controling it, with his mother's permission. Children are supposed to be guided into adulthood, not guilding their parents marriages, but that's jmo.

Also, what was the cause of your wife's divorce from the boy's father?

chabut,
I went through the same thing. My story is posted on here in surviving an affair and on this forum as well.
My XH had 2 kids, 11 and 12, and my DD was 5. I thought b/c I loved him and he me that the world was rosy and all would be good. NOT.
He and I are now divorced. I ended up hating his son as he was allowed to do exactly what your wife's son has been allowed to do. His daughter was okay when she was not under her brother's influence or her mother's as my XH and his XW had a bitter divorce and post divorce relationship and the kids capitalized on that.
My situation was complicated in that my XH adopted my D as her dad moved away and had no contact after our divorce.
You may not think so but you are lucky in that the two of you have no kids together. You also need to think about how this is affecting your children. My daughter has some vivid memories of the crap that we all went through. She despises my XH and has no R with him.
It is very tough dealing with the children of divorce and blended families are not easy. I dealt with all the court and attorney stuff as well. All the bitterness was directed at my XH - thankfully - and not me but court was an annual event until the kids were grown and there was no longer anything else the XW could do to my XH.
I don't want to sound pessimistic where your R is concerned. I'm simply speaking out of experience with mine. My life was basically hell as my SS and, to a lesser extent, SD manipulated and played their two parents against each other. My DD and I were caught in the middle.
I don't suggest D - that's your call. I just know that my XH is still allowing his son, and again to a lesser extent, his daughter to manipulate him. It's always something and he's always bailing the son out and has just about financially ruined himself in the process.