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OP
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Do you know, or do you think it is possible to get your exhusband back with plan A, plan B or 180?
Do you know anyone who has reconciled (successfully) after divorce? How did they do it?
I see a lot of posts about how to date after divorce but can't find much about reconciliation after divorce.
Married for 12 years
BW: 36
DH: 45 (EA 08/10-12/10)
2 kids
D: since 12/20/10
Still living together for financial reasons
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although I don't know any details, background, or reasons on how you got to your current position, this is what a couple of "pickup artist" books recommend, as essentially you are trying to pick him up again:
enjoy and embrace your single life
own your attitude
look and feel your best at all times
keep an open mind
don't be nice, don't be a jerk, always be interesting
don't trade your status for a man's approval
focus on him when in conversation, not on yourself.
take full responsibility for your happiness
in other words go back to being who you were before you met, that made him attacted to you in the first place.
wiftty
Learning from your own mistakes creates experience, learning from books creates knowledge, combining the two together creates wisdom => You start with a full bag of luck, and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
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There are several posters on the Surviving an Affair forum who have reconciled with their exes following divorce. You might ask over there as well...
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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He's got depression and PTSD. Fit's the midlife crisis description to a T as well.
Said I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore.
He's basically found someone on Facebook who filled his sexual need (texting with explicit pictures) and he's made this decision (divorce) out of that situation.
I tried my best to show him I'm worth it, but he's a man that can't admit a mistake and believes he has to go through with it.
Married for 12 years
BW: 36
DH: 45 (EA 08/10-12/10)
2 kids
D: since 12/20/10
Still living together for financial reasons
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Posts: 11
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Thanks! I will try. Kinda fits that topic anyway.
Married for 12 years
BW: 36
DH: 45 (EA 08/10-12/10)
2 kids
D: since 12/20/10
Still living together for financial reasons
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Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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He's got depression and PTSD. Fit's the midlife crisis description to a T as well. What is the mid-life crisis description? Whose description are you using?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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He's got depression and PTSD. Fit's the midlife crisis description to a T as well.
Said I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore.He's basically found someone on Facebook who filled his sexual need (texting with explicit pictures) and he's made this decision (divorce) out of that situation. meantobe, sounds to me like a garden variety adulterous affair. Are you divorced yet? "I love you, but am not in love with you" simply means he has a new point of comparison and is in an affair. THAT is why he wants the divorce. Who is the OW? Is she married?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He's got depression and PTSD. Fit's the midlife crisis description to a T as well. What is the mid-life crisis description? Whose description are you using? Google. No specific description.
Married for 12 years
BW: 36
DH: 45 (EA 08/10-12/10)
2 kids
D: since 12/20/10
Still living together for financial reasons
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 11
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Posts: 11 |
He's got depression and PTSD. Fit's the midlife crisis description to a T as well.
Said I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore.He's basically found someone on Facebook who filled his sexual need (texting with explicit pictures) and he's made this decision (divorce) out of that situation. meantobe, sounds to me like a garden variety adulterous affair. Are you divorced yet? "I love you, but am not in love with you" simply means he has a new point of comparison and is in an affair. THAT is why he wants the divorce. Who is the OW? Is she married? Yes. We are divorced now. The OW is an online affair. Not married to my knowledge. He never admitted to it and I don't know if it is over. It seems as if it is though. He is leaving his phone accessible more. Ever since the divorce he seems more depressed. Maybe he is having some remorse?
Married for 12 years
BW: 36
DH: 45 (EA 08/10-12/10)
2 kids
D: since 12/20/10
Still living together for financial reasons
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Do you still live together???
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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How is that you have tolerated his filthy affair being conducted in your own home in front of your own children? Basically your H has been allowed to maintain all the benefits of marriage while carrying on his adultery right in plain view of his wife and children.
I don't see the problem as him. The problem is that you have no boundaries. Do your children know you have allowed this open and flagrant abuse?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Do you still live together??? Yes. I will get an apartment beginning of March when our lease is up.
Married for 12 years
BW: 36
DH: 45 (EA 08/10-12/10)
2 kids
D: since 12/20/10
Still living together for financial reasons
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Why do yo uhave to wait till March? Is the lease in your name and you don't think he will pay? Is the home you're leaving in now more expense then what either of you can pay on your own?
How are the two of you interacting while at home. If he is still continuing the affair, you will not help the reconcilliation process if you are cooking his meals, laundry, etc. He has divorced you, so he does not get a wife, and you are not his GF either. Having the kids see you together like this is not good for them either.
Have you exposed the affair? If family and coworkers, etc believe that the D is from typical marital strife, then you are letting him get away with living a lie.
I'm completely giving my opinion here, not based on anything I've read here, but I tend to think that for a two people to 'reconcile' and remarry after divorce, they need to completely start over. That means if you have to start out by dating, and if you don't think you're ready to date other men, then you aren't ready to date your ex. You have to give yourself time to see who you are now, and your ex needs the time to realize what he's done.
It just seems to me that within marriage you still have a bond of a sort to allow you to fix your individual problems and fix the marriage. It seems like outside of marriage, you have to fix things on your own before you can date. So I'd guess I'd say you should pray for the well being of your ex, pray that His will be done, and then go about your day as a single mother.
Me 38
Divorced 8/09
DS 10,6
DD 4
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Without complete honesty and change of heart and a willingness to address and work on things, there IS no hope of reconciliation with any positive outcome.
*edit* has a section for breakups and reconcilations and talks about the best way to handle it, do's and don'ts but honestly, I don't think you two are in that place. You need to focus on protecting yourself and your children and begin healing. I would seek counseling for help getting through this.
Last edited by MBSeasons; 01/04/11 10:13 AM. Reason: Remove non-MB website
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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Ladies and Gentlemen,
Please remember to confine your suggestions and advice to materials and articles related to this site.
Recommending non-MB websites can create confusion for posters who are here to seek Marriage Builders help.
mbseasons@aol.com
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Ahh, so you DO read them all! LOL
Sorry, I didn't intend any problems, some websites don't mind and some do, guess I need to brush up on the rules...
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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