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Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 36
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OP
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Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 36 |
How do you change your state of mind about your triggers? Yesterday I saw a bruise on my little girls bottom and it reminded me of the bruise on OWs that I saw in the video the WH took of their PA. My little girl's darling behind is now a trigger. Arrrgh!
Sex with my WH is triggering me as well. I usually dont trigger until after the big "O", but as soon as I have one I can't get the thought of the two of them out my head. I look at him enjoying himself and see the video all over again.
Me: BW 30
WH: 37
DD 9/2007
DS 2/2010
#3 Due Nov. 5
Met 8/02
Married 6/06
D-Day 10/31/2010
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 945
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 945 |
Ro, Have you read Mark's thread on managing memories? Managing memories/triggers You're still too close to Dday and triggers and memories are at their strongest. With time they fade and you learn to deal with them or replace them with good/better memories with spouse. Gg
D-Day #1 Aug/2007.
D-Day #2 1/27/12
Legally Separated
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Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 36
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OP
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Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 36 |
I did read that. Thanks Gg.
Me: BW 30
WH: 37
DD 9/2007
DS 2/2010
#3 Due Nov. 5
Met 8/02
Married 6/06
D-Day 10/31/2010
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Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 9
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 9 |
Am I correct in reading that this D-day was a few months ago?
If so, the answer is simple. Well not really, but it's the only one I know.
Time.
My main trigger happened to be a popular song from my FWW's FB or MS page. Wouldn't you know it, two years later it's still on the radio every day!
I just sucked it up, and now when they play it I just have to laugh a little. Not much else you can do really!
After a few years the triggers will still be triggers but they will only bother you when you let them.
Until then, just focus on the good things.
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 656
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 656 |
cold_tired is right. Time is the answer along with replacing negative thoughts with positive ones.
There were times earlier this year that I felt I'd go literally insane because the A was all I could think about ... triggers, triggers everywhere. And I have to drive by the scene of the crime (sex location) on a regular basis. There is no escaping it for me.
But time helps us heal. It really is true.
Try writing down a few happy, positive thoughts on a piece of paper you can pull out whenever you are triggered. Replace negative with positive.
FBW in recovery
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529 |
I'm still just a few months out since H's affair ended and the triggers are still very hard for me as well. The strange thing is, when he first returned home, I triggered a lot when he was not around. Now, however, I don't trigger when he's at work. I trigger MORE when he's home and we are together. I hate the thought of him carrying on with OW like he and I do now! Before, his being with me was a coping tool: he could hold me or we could talk or whatever. Now, my mind has turned to him doing those things with her when he does them. BLECH!!!!!
I read Mark's thread a while ago but it is probably worth another read. Glad you posted it!
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