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Hello Mbers,
Wanting to wish everyone a blessed Christmas.
We leave tomorrow to go back east to see family.

The Christmas party was a hit. Good time, good friends, good food. DD17 had a blast. She met some of my coworkers that work with XH. They thought she was a delight and just shooked their heads about what an idiot XH not seeing her.

Well 3rd Christmas without XH and this one was easier. Still not what I want and never will but we are at peace this year.

Tomorrow I go to bankruptcy for confirmation hearing. I put in an objection to XH plan based on overspending and being an idiot. Ok really just to the spending but there should be a checkbox for lost his mind or idiot.


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Have a wonderful trip!


Me; W 46
Him; H 46

2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Hey Hope,
Just checking in to see how things are going and how you are doing. I am glad this Christmas was easier and peaceful.
Take care and Happy New Year


Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10

"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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Happy New Year....

Spent the Christmas holiday with family and friends. My DDs got to spend some time together which makes me happy. They had one argument about guess who? DD30 wanted DD17 to call XH for Christmas. DD17 as usual held her ground.

Daddie dearest gave them $150 each and a text on Christmas morning. I stayed out of it.

A couple of family members kept asking when I was going to start dating or to sign up for Match. It was frustrating. I finally said I have been hurt enough and not interested in any new relationship at this time. Why do people think another man will "cure all". NI - NOT INTERESTED. Not sure if I will ever be interested again. Something died in me after the A.

On New Year's went to a friend's house. I forced myself to go and get out and it was a nice time. At midnight it was that awkward moment of the absence of my H of 20 years. Got through it but felt that void.

2011 has to be better.


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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You could always buy a copy of The Sims 2 (with Nightlife expansion) and make a Sim of yourself and have them go out.

That way you wouldn't be lying when you said you have been dating.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Well, maybe the your friends (who are encouraging you to date) only want to "help".

I encouraged a few friends in the past to Match. This was for the social aspects.
One hated it; "All men are pigs, losers and addicts looking for sugar mamas" (I don't know what Match she was at! dontknow)

The other had a really good time. She did not meet Prince Charming there, but neither was she looking for him there.


She said she met many nice men, got to go out to new places and see shows and events. (disclaimer- she was a social person to beging with and really enjoys going out to new things.) She is a keenly (?) fun person to be around.
I think it is your attitude going into it.

Harmony ..."Something died in me after the A?" Come on! You are still vibrant, intellegent, have done physical and emotional self work. Do not let the A take that much toll on you!

maybe I am talking outa my *&^%$

Last edited by barbiecat; 01/03/11 07:31 AM.

Me; W 46
Him; H 46

2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Hi Hope,

Happy New Year to you and your DD's. It sounds as if you all are doing so well.

AM


BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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How about we give those "go out and date folks" what they want?(No I DON'T mean dating) Next time someone says, "Are you dating?" Say, "Yes. She is a beautiful, intelligent and caring human being. I have known her for YEARS." After their mouths close you say, with a GIANT smile, "ME." That should shut them up for a while. grin wink

Glad you had a good Christmas.

hug


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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karma good laugh about the Sims or I could pick out a really sexy Avatar and have a great social life on the internet!

Barbiecat, I can date and have someone interested in me that is a nice guy but prefer to be alone. I get lonely but I do like my own company. I am a social person and love to travel. Making plans with Chai and Holyheart this year for a get together...shhhhhhh

Army mama, glad to hear from you and hope that you are doing well also and have a happy and healthy coming year.

Scotland, Love your idea. Wish I could get someone to cover my dutch date with myself!

Grrrr...here we go with the New Year. DD17 forwarded email to me that XH sent.. She has not seen him for 1.5 years with an occasional text. I wish schoolbus was still posting because she is so insightful on stuff like this. It has the tone of writing to an acquaintance than his own sweet daughter. He does not even know where she works, he even got that wrong. Thoughts? Of course I am bashed. Amazing these waywards blame us for everything wrong in their lives.

Hi DD17,
Hope you had a great Christmas and New Year. I'm sure you had fun with your friends and family.
My phone has not been working since New Year's Eve and it will not be fixed until the end of this week.
I hope you had a good time with your sister.

I know you have been working hard at school and made honors, and I am very proud of you. I always said you are a smart girl and you can accomplish anything you put your mind to. I know you are working at the weekends in MacDonald's, I have never approached you at work, because I do not want you to feel uncomfortable.
This year you will be getting ready for college, and I am so proud of you.
Obviously as you dad I want to help you financially during your college years, but If I do not know what your college plans are it is difficult to know what your needs are going to be.
1. What college are you going to attend?
2. What is the cost of the college you wish to attend?
3. What college is your second choice?
4. What is the cost of this college?
5. Are you planning on living on campus?
6. What is your college major going to be?
7. Why did you choose these colleges?

Colleen,
I will only communicate with you regarding college, you are growing up and can speak for yourself.
I do not need your mother as the go between. It is time for us to sit down and talk, this has been going on too long.

Tell your sister my phone is out of order, and wish her a happy new year. I will call her when my phone is working.

Love you always
Dad

twoxfour mad



Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Well, I can't hold a candle to Schoolbus with this stuff. But, my interpretation of this text is, "How much will your going to college cost ME?", "Can you go to a cheaper college?" and "How can I get out paying?"

Where is Mel's foghorn anyway?

AM


BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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Originally Posted by armymama
Well, I can't hold a candle to Schoolbus with this stuff. But, my interpretation of this text is, "How much will your going to college cost ME?", "Can you go to a cheaper college?" and "How can I get out paying?"

AM

I agree with what your interpretation...He did tell me that DD has to communicate to HIM about her needs for college "if" he agrees to help her. All conditionial.

What about the 7 questions? DD17 said it looks like he cut and pasted it out of some college catelog. So formal and not talking to a beloved daughter.

DD has not answered him yet. He is still setting his boundaries and conditions and I pray that she raises the bar high on her boundaries with him.


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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another non schoolbus interpretation here from me

(I agree with what you interpretted already folks0

plus

"You need to pretend I never abandoned the family for the plasticpig and need to treat me like a dad who didn't do all the crap I did OR I will not treat you good and give you anything towards college. I am a big baby pretending to be a real man and you need to pretend it too."








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Probably not the best response, but I couldn't resist:

"Dear Man Who Calls Himself My Father,

I had a wonderful Christmas and plan on an even better New Year.

You're proud of me? Wish I could say the same to you.

I AM a smart girl and I know BS when I read it.

Wise choice not to approach me at work, you wouldn't like the repercussions from that dumb idea.

Where I go to college will be my decision and something I will work towards with my mother.

It's amazing that after all this time, your one effort to reach out to me is to put demands on me (i.e., you won't help with college unless I speak to you? Amazing, but not surprising.) I'll make it to and through college just fine with or without your help. Thank you so much for your fatherly concern.

Tell my sister yourself.

Oh, and when were you going to tell me that you married skankho? Nevermind, I don't really care who YOU marry. My DAD wouldn't stoop so low."

First name, Last name.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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I would actually start it with, "To whom it may concern." HEHEHE

I am with everyone else and their interpretations.

If it weren't the fact that it was your DD17, I would suggest something like,
Quote
"To whom it may concern,

Thank you for your email. Here are my responses.

1 I have chosen Clown college as my first choice.

2 Cost, 2 MILLION/semester

3 Second choice, Princess Universtiy

4 Cost, 5 MILLION SMACKERS and a Prince Charming.

5 Of course not, there is a slum crackhouse down the street that I am quite fond of

6 Clown Princess. I hear there is a great need.

7 People in LALA Land can't stop talking about them.


I have a sister? Hmmmmm, good to know.

Thank you for your time,

Princess Consuela Banana Hammock(LOVE FRIENDS)

Obviously, this is my feeble attempt at levity. I am having an awfully JUVENILE day. I think it is because I spent 5 hours playing Rockband Lego for Wii. Fun, but it brings out the child in me. laugh

Take care, I KNOW that your DD will handle this sitch with CLASS, she seems to take after her mother. laugh


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Not up to Schoolbus skills but here's my take:

I do have a conscience, under all this drunken whorish flab that I've piled on to ease my pain. But since I'm not willing to pay the price to even begin to right the wrongs I've done, here's my plea DD - make the pain go away; play nice so I don't hurt anymore...

Let him fall. Help your DD let him fall - all the way. Because half measure will availeth NOTHING.

I think stone-cold silence is the best response, but if she feels she must respond, let it be classy.

Who are you, to make any demands at all in my life. I've been preparing to go to college without your help anyway as the writing on the wall was that Plastic Pinata got all that you had planned for my life for herself. Vegas, it seems is a much more important place than my future educational aspirations.

Have a good life, if you can. I miss the man I knew as my father.

DD



Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1

The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"?

The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!"

If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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Kayla, good one! I even gulped at that, I am sure the XWH will! Short and direct makes the better point for sure.

ba


Me-49, WH-51
Married 02/1983 yrs, Sons - 27, 26, 20
1st PA - 1985, 1st known EA - 1992/1993
2nd PA - 06/02 to 11/04
1st D-day - 09/03, D-day 2 - 10/04 D-day 3 05/08
NC e-mail - 11/04- it wasn't real
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Love the responses. Of course, anything close to those responses will be blamed on Hope for spreading the poison.

Yep, he's looking for more justification.

But, as I've said before....semen is thicker than blood.


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Great responses, so far DD has not responded. I think she is still going to do "stone-cold silence" as Kayla said.

She has said that she is planning on inviting him to her graduation ceremony "to show him I made it without him".

Sad part of that statement is it sounds like the man he used to be.

Love the Clown college; your proud of me? Wish I could say the same about you; I miss the man I knew as my father;

and the most notable - semen is thicker than blood rotflmao


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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I'd love for DD to respond with "Wow. I didn't know I had to APPLY to YOU to to receive funds for college. How many other students are in the running for your love and money? I thought as my father you'd support my plans to further my education so I can have a successful career since I have no desire to leach off married men and break up their families like your current wife has done. Do you require my application to be typed and is there a deadline? "

This is such a slap in the face. A father's love should be unconditional. And his support shouldn't matter whether DD wants to be a doctor or a ditch digger.

WxH is being handed a golden opportunity to mend a fence with his DD and he's too blind (or too drunk or too in lust) to see it.


M 25 yrs, 3 teens
Dday 12/07
5ish False Recoveries (all in 2008)
12/08 WH moves in w/OW, her kids
Plan B/D/FU -- depending on the day
He files 1/09; D final 12/2012
"I'm moving on"
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Hi Hope,

Is your XWH still planning on filing for bankrupcty? In bankruptcy they don't allow for helping an "adult" child to go to college...so his questions may be moot anyway.

ba


Me-49, WH-51
Married 02/1983 yrs, Sons - 27, 26, 20
1st PA - 1985, 1st known EA - 1992/1993
2nd PA - 06/02 to 11/04
1st D-day - 09/03, D-day 2 - 10/04 D-day 3 05/08
NC e-mail - 11/04- it wasn't real
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