Alot of people will have a problem with this affair.

Im trying but i belive the lies will catch up to them and they r.
well i have to get some sleep will you be here tomorrow? thanks for your help
i have alot more to say and ask

Par for the course for a WW - they must demonize their betrayed spouse to "justify" their adulterous activities.

Question: how old is your D's BF?

He is 19

If I may, could I suggest that you try to separate the variables in the battles you are fighting, so we can better address the issues?

Is the young lady in question your daughter or step-daughter? I ask because at one point your said "her father" and it wasn't clear if you meant daughter or WW, by "her".

You say that WW and daughter have moved out of state to be with OM, too far away for you to travel. Roughly how far away?

Is there any reason for you NOT to take the evidence in hand to the authorities and file a criminal statutory rape complaint against the boyfriend? (Lawyer can help here, might also cause DD to be subpoenaed to testify.)

Did you isolate all funds/accounts from WW's access?

Is exposure complete and total to ALL of your WW's friends/relations?

Since you've been in touch with OM's Ex, could you use her a source of his family, etc? (Don't have a real hope exposure will dissuade HIM much, however - sounds like he's done this before and ignores the fallout.)

Lastly, and I think I could have put this first. Your opening post said: "I am new at this site and was refered by a friend and im just looking for answers," but you did not precisely ask any questions, so:

What would be your ideal resolution to this ugly situation?
WW and DD home again, attempting new relationship?
DD home, WW not? (DD "home" to be near predatory BF? Hmmmm...)
Clean, efficient divorce?

I disagree with this. What it will do is cause embarrassment for the couple. What WW wants to meet new friends and family who all know she is nothing more than an adulterer? This will shut many doors on them and cause great conflict in the affair. And part of the reason he is doing this AGAIN is because it was not exposed BEFORE. This should be done regardless of whether he wants to reconcile or not.

Dr Harley suggests causing as much conflict as possible in the OM's life and exposure to his family and friends is a key element of that.


Surely you are not suggesting it is better for a 16 year old child to be living with an OM her mother met on the internet? The issue of the BF is the least of his worries.

That was the direction I was thinking of as well. Whether or not there's a case for statutory rape here though depends on the state laws. Some indicate for example that statutory rape is only applicable if the age difference between the victim and the perpetrator is more than four years.

You're disagreeing with my forecast that in this case, the odds of this tactic bringing great benefit in driving a wedge between the two AP's appear relatively low? I never said not to do it.



.....than to be living, possibly against her will, at home with a single-parent father, who will be busy fighting for his domestic future, with whose guidelines she has already found ways to circumvent and evade, in close proximity to her predatory BF? THAT would be your preference?



That may be so, but I will rely on his answers to the questions I posed to orient me, at least, to his goals. I'll not make the decision on his priorities for him.

Do you own a gun (s) ?
If you do (I assume you do), then it is important to ask a trusted friend (with a gun locker) to store all your guns until a future undetermined date.

Get it in writing that the friend is storing all your guns.
Do this today.

She is my daughter
from Alabama to clifornia
I have ashed my lawyer already about this and she said in this State she is 16 and is able to make her own decisions on this and i cant do a thing but i belive this was happening when she was 15 but my lawyer said i could not do a thing
Yes i isolated all the funds and from when she left i stoped my direct deposit from my pay check when i was working and opened my own account
I do not contact my wifes friends or her dad anymore. Her dad did not wnat to get involved and her friend her in this town were to involed with helping her with her lies. my wife has filled them with so many lies about me they belive it and helped her cover up her visits with this man.
The OMs Ex has been a lot of help to me with this and contacted me to confirm that the lies that have been told to her were not true. She is as sick of the lies and is very worried about her kids.
Questions are i just dont know what to do anymore i loved my wife and still love my daughter that is why im on hear to get other peoples opinions so i can make the right decisions.

Well it is not good in my opinon that she is living in a mans house who has a previous history of sleeping around that is not were i want my daughter to be and as for the BF gos ther relationship has been on and off for the past couple of years and my daughter was fine with living with me until he came back after there last break up and her mom kept pushing him to contact her and when i put my foot down se ran back to her mom that i belive just wants her to get married so she does not have to deal with her.

Yes i own guns. My guns have been at a friends house sinece this past April when they belived i was going to try to kill myself. i never was thinking of killing myself but agreed for my wife at that time to take the guns to my friends to hold them for me and she did and are still there. this is why it is so disturbing that she has made up the lies that i have threatened her with a gun i dont have any in my possession and was not even contacting her at all.

Gary, they left you, you did not leave them. End of story. Don't give her a dime. Your daughter may change, when she decides she needs a parent (you), instead of a pimp (her). Stick to your guns (excuse the pun). Find another job and as I said. don't give her a cent. Let the POSOM she moved in with pay her way. She is his problem now. Good luck.

Thanks i am trying to stick to my guns and dont plan on giveing her another red cent. its just i realy dont want to find a perm job untill this divorice is final i dont want the court to even think about making me give her any alimony. i dont believe i owe her a dime.

I'm interpreting "this" to represent her choice of with which parent to live, as well as whether to have sex? If the first is true, than I don't see you as having much leverage in bringing her back to Alabama. But your lawyer has already told you that, I'm sure.

You're probably better off doing what you want (get a job, don't get a job) ignoring the effects on your pending divorce action. Again, your lawyer is your best resource here as regards probable final outcomes. Is Alabama a "fault" state, in which your reason for filing was "adultery"? If so, that usually goes into their result, meaning a better deal for you, as the injured party. You might also look into the possibility of filing for separation of legal/financial status from her in the interim, so if she goes into a credit-card binge in La-la Land, there's no tie-back to you. This will also, I believe, if dateable to 2010, have IRS implications.

no my lawyer has been know help. gain to day i am unable to contact her. im going to have to get a new atty and spend more money for something i did not want anyways. but do now and just want it done asap. thanks for all the advice

Good luck, GARY_L. You have a rough road before you, but just bear in mind the salient fact that YOU DID NOT DO THIS!