I don't think I will ever get over this, I know the only way is to Plan B. I have changed the locks, I have DS10 answering telephone and I let it ring to answer machine when they are out.

Yesterday I receive a letter in amongst all the normal mail, I didn't actually look through the mail until last night.

a letter: (hand delivered at some point yesterday)

Dear BS,

I don't know why you keep sending these stupid letters as it makes Skanky all the more determined never to leave me, or you never to break us up you are your own worst enemy and until you see that you will always be unhappy.

It is so sad giving upon 16 years but you will never change, you would think for the boys sake you would want to at least speak to me, only once per week to see how you and the boys are doing but you are just full of anger and bitterness.

I now cannot see my boys as I refuse to see them at a Contact Centre, so I basically have nothing and you have your nice house and the boys, you don't see how lucky you are.

I am owe skankys parents lot of money as my car was towed and was impounded and that is the only reason I cannot pay for the boys, I have no money and could never just "move back in with you" as I have shared too much of our life and told skanky too much about us and she could make a lot of trouble for you and us.

It's your life and I hope you can move on and be happy as I was never enough for you. I will always be here for you.

EEJIT

No mention of the fact he left me to live with this skanky cow. Oh how alone cuddling up every night with her. I don't feel like plan B I think Plan D is the only way to make him see what he has done/is doing?

The envelope was not his handwriting the letter is.

Ur doing great!! Plan b is working keep it up do t lose focus.

Stay strong Tilly, he has basically told you what a mess his life has become and is putting the guilt on you. He needs a wake up call and needs to become a man. Easy as that. Do not even worry about the comment that the OW is now more determined or that you are your own worst enemy - it is more fog babble and is just playing on your vulnerabilities.

Listen to this song


Stay Strong in Plan B - you are worth it, your children are worth it and your marriage is worth it. Keep strong boundaries.

Thank you, so this is to be expected ?

I have to plug my speakers in, I took them out as music seemed to trigger random crying but those Lyrics made me cry a little but I am going to plug my speakers in today.

My nan is still with us, she has a very strong heart, I must visit her without falling apart today, or is it okay to tell her how much I will miss her I wonder, is that wrong?

How interesting that you got that letter.

Obviously skanky coerced your WH to write it. You're in Plan B? So, don't respond, definitely. But I want you to keep some thoughts in your back pocket - you never know when these will come in handy:

1. He's trying to manipulate you by using guilt about the boys. But you know that and won't fall for it, right?

2. And then he turns around and tells you that paying back Skanky's parents is more important than making sure his children are supported. Huh?

3: He is asking to see you for "his" sake when he mentions the once a week thing. He's letting you know that he's missing an important EN. Very good.

4: He appears to be resigned to his fate.

5. He appears to realize some of the consequences of his actions. (See quote above about telling Skanky too much.)It also appears that he is still considering the option of coming back to you, even though at this point it looks like he's discarding it. The fact that he is considering it is good.

This is all very good, Tilly. Keep going. Don't respond to this. Let Plan B work.

Yes, as far as I am concerned it goes in the garbage with the other junk mail.

CSA called me today and are now going straight to his work for money. It won't be much as he has been off sick since meeting skanky but �5 per week is better than nothing.

Tilly. YOU READ THE LETTER?? I thought you were in Plan B??

Tilly, your IM should keep this kind of stuff in a file for you. If you get another letter, do not read it. Hand it to your IM and have her save the letter in a file. She should contact him and say "Tilly did not read your letter. Please send any future correspondence through me if you want to get a message to Tilly."

And of course your IM can only send on pertinent information about the kids or finances.

Sorry I have been away for a bit. I am still in dark plan B. I am okay with it, he has tried to speak to me a couple of times when speaking with the boys but they know "mum is in the bath".

I wish I could Plan B his friends, I actually told one that if he felt he needed to come see me could he not speak about EEJIT.

Hearing he was seen a few weeks back in a cafe in my town with skanky made me sad.

I have also started dreaming about him again.

He isn't my first thought in the morning but he is up there with the top 3, I wish this would go away, it has been 4 months.

He tried to call me today, I only know because I unplug the phone when the children are at school and his was the last number, what does he want, he has what he wants, a young girl almost 20 years younger than me and no doubt great sex all the time.

I wish I could erase that thought.

I swing from hating him and thinking I can never forgive him for this, especially the sex and the non-payment for the children and for just walking out on us and carrying on his life like nothing has happened.

Then there is the thought of his being in bed beside me, us laughing (when we did) and the 16 years of marriage.

I wish I could stop thinking for a while. His attempt to phone me has no doubt done this. Why ? What is there to say?

I heard through IM that he didn't even get to read Plan B letter properly as skanky opens all mail and he never even got to read it, he just heard bits from it.

I am not sending another for her to read.

I am in Plan B and explained this to him previous to the letter, I told him once we sorted childcare I didn't want to speak to him again and him and skanky could live their lives.

I wonder about these celebrities who seem to jump from one marriage to another so quickly, I feel like I will never get over him.

I was asked on a date by a policeman, I said no, I couldn't even think of dating anyone, yet he can do this ?

Tilly, you are doing great!! Your IM can send him another copy if he needs it. In fact, if he asks her to do something that is out of bounds with your PBL, she should have a copy available to send him.

Keep up the good work!!

Thank you.

I feel better in Plan B, he knows what he has to do I will leave it at that.

I give you kudos for your honesty and iron will.

After hearing nothing for months OH came to the front door on Wednesday, said he had been texting and phoning but all numbers were cut off.

Skanky is pregnant, it would seem she fell pregnant around the first 2 weeks of their affair.

OH does not want the baby and said he is under no illusions about her either but does not know what to do, he asked me over and over, I could not answer, I suggested getting emergency accomodation (B&B) and think about what he really wants.

The new baby is under a Child Protection Order already, which makes OH think/know he has not been told the whole picture.

His visit lasted 2 hours in which he said he knew he had done wrong but he just ran and happended to be into skankys arms, he said he knows he should be here, he said he thinks I am not getting over it quickly (depression - wanting to sleep my days away) and the reason he is not getting over it quickly is because it was not meant to happen and this is his home.

I felt awful when he left and I suppose I do. Plan B is safe but when its rocked its awful.

I don't know what he will do he does ot have the balls to move and be by himself which makes me wonder whether to bother with plan B. He may surprise me but I doubt it.

6 weeks until baby is due, to a skank who takes methadone and is brining a life into this world who will have to feel that pain because of their .............. it just makes me so angry. then OH who cannot even mention the words "the baby" and he dreads the life HE is going to have.

They make me so angry and hurt and angry again.

I have so many people telling me to be strong and why would I get back with him. They didn't live with him for 16 years, it's hard.

Tilly - so sorry to hear about this. Are you legally divorced from him? Is he saying he wants to recover his marriage with you? If you are considering this, you might want to read on the Preg/OC board - there are some who treat a situation like this as they would a child from a previous marriage. It's very hard, but sometimes can be done. Let us know what you want to do.

This is a very manipulative comment.
I hope you are not fooled.

The "not meant to happen" is the same bullcrap non-logic waywards use to justify doing what they want to do .... "It was meant to be." Or, the flip side, "It was not meant to be.".
This is crap that wishful lazy people say to appease their own discomfort because they do not have a clue how to manage their own life.

"I will do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to make this right" <~~~~ This is what you want.

He's in the whiny baby stage. Very unattractive.
Ick

When you say "OH" do mean your wayward husband "WH"? Or do you mean the other betrayed spouse/husband? Who came to your door? Your husband or the OW's husband?

If you mean your WH, is it possible that this baby is not even his? The timing just seems too close.

I mean WH and yes he is at the whiny/crying stage and yes he has doubts as to whether the baby is his.

He wants to talk about reconciliation, but wants to talk about it whilst he is still at skankys and has admitted he is scared if we won't work out he will have nowhere to live.

I don't know which pregnancy board you mean but I will try to look for it, we are still married although I was in Plan B and thinking more of D.

His head is so messed up, he wants nothing to do with the new baby apparently but I don't know how long this would last as it is his only daughter (if his) as we have boys.

To be honest I don't know what I want anymore I still love him so much but don't want to anymore as it it all so complicated.

Are you still in Plan B? If not, why not? You should still be in Plan B. The affair is not over. He is cake-eating all over again. He has a new triangle. Before, he had wife at home, girlfriend on the side. Now he has girlfriend at home, wife on the side. You are worth more than that. Get back behind the Plan B curtain and get outta the drama.

Yes he is using me for emotional support but said we can never reconcile if he cannot come down and talk even about it.

I an in Plan B. He just turns up out of the blue and wrecks me all over again. the way he is speaking he is thinking of moving into a B&B over the next few weeks, I think I will tell me him to let me know when he has done this, then we can talk.

I think my family would disown me if I got back together but there was so much going on in the background they don't know about. WH is totally clean now, so has realised what he was falling/turning into, he starts work today.

Funny how his Life goes on even during affairs. This will give him less of chance of dropping in to see (wreck) me though. I feel terrible when he talks about getting back together and talks about why he done this etc. It breaks me down everytime.

But that's why it is important to stick to Plan B. See it is wrecking YOU and he doesn't care about that. IMHO, he isn't ready to reconcile, even if he is saying the words. You need to trust ACTIONS not WORDS. I know you are scared that if you don't talk to him, you'll lose him. I am here to tell you that if you continue to talk to him, YOU won't want to reconcile. YOU will tell him that he needs to leave and not come back, because you LB will be empty. Remember that.

Now, since he has been talking to you about reconciliation, I will ask you, what are going to be those conditions?

I would also say that the number ONE thing should be NO CONTACT with OW or the child. Not only that he needs to move out. He shouldn't even be in contact with her for LIFE. That is the MINIMUM.

Could you call the coaching center? If not, get an email out to the radio show and ask DrH directly about your sitch.