lily, I am relieved that the OWH knows. That way you have 2 people watching them from both ends. I would consider calling the OWH and offering to stay in touch and compare notes with him. Tell him you are pregnant and maybe that will help him relax a bit. It will also help you ensure that contact ends.

Your H and the OW don't work together, do they? Have you and your H arranged your lives so you NEVER see the OW again? Does she work for your doctor? And if so, does her boss know she had an affair with your H?

I would notify her boss that she is a threat to you and ask that she be kept away from your records. Do you have to see her when you go to the hospital? Is there any chance of an accidental meeting?

At our hospital you have to log in with your code and such. They can't just log into check anyones records. That is a good way for her to lose her job. My WH OW also works at the hospital we attend. B/c she works in a specific unit, I think she can only have access to those in the unit at that time. We just have to make sure that she NEVER takes care of us when we are there or have us transferred to another hospital. I have also thought about writing to the CEO of the hospital b/c she often called my WH and talked to him for long periods of time while she was supposed to be working.

no, she is a financial analyst at the hospital, so deals with the bills and such. there is no way of running into her at the doctors office or hospital...ever. she is in a completely different building.

no, they dont work together. my husband was her personal trainer at the gym...that's how they met. he no longer trains her, obviously, and she cancelled her membership at the gym.

oh and as far as records...i know she has easy access, because back when i thought she was "just a client" of my husband's and didn't have an inkling of suspicion, she was telling my husband she would help us with our medical bills by "seeing what she could do" on her end, since she's so high up in the finance department and such. my husband would come home and tell me "oh i have this client that works in finance at the hospital and i think she may be able to help with some of our debt we have there...she's looking into it..." and over the course of a month or so, she pulled our records several times and sent us several pieces of mail. again, this was LONG before i ever suspected a thing.

You need to contact the hospital. What she did was unethical. I would think that the CFO of the hospital would look negatively on OW for doing such a thing.

+1 for contacting OWH. Get that other set of eyes on these two.

lily, please listen to clark and notify the hospital. If she has access to your records, then she can harm you.

Does your husband's employer know that he has no boundaries around his female clients and is not to be trusted professionally? That is a very dangerous profession for him and I would strongly suggest he either find a new line of work or tell his employer that he is not be trusted with females so they can watch him. He is a walking legal liability to them. Not to mention that he is not a professional at all.

If her position is such that she felt powerful enough (rightly or otherwise) to do something FOR you, she certainly has the same opinion of her power to do something TO you.

And Lily, in a prior posting you said
EXPOSURE is the cork in the bottle of your doubts. It sears the guilt-pain your WH allegedly is suffering into his very soul, and enlists all family and friends into your corps of watchdogs that he doesn�t do anything like this again.

lily, I would put together a letter and send it to the director of Human Resources, a key VP and the OW's supervisor.

I am going to alter BritsBrat workplace letter a little to give you an idea. You can change it up how you see fit:

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

OW and my H, WS, were until very recently, involved in an extramarital affair that was taking place, in part, during work hours. This involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. OW has used her position in the finance department to access our records and do_____________________.

This seems to be a conflict of interest due to her affair with my husband. Since the affair has ended, my concern lies in her continued unprofessional access to our records.

If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find she was spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,

BS
_________________________

hey everyone...

we are in a bit of a bind. have been trying to find counseling and our church is booked. we then called all the other local churches and they are either booked or not offering anything at this time. we then started calling MFTs in our area and they are all outrageously expensive. our marriage is an absolute priority and we both agree that we are going to have to do what we have to do...but we really can't afford $140+ a week. things are already extremely tight around here and my husband's job hasn't been going well for a while (two of the stresses in our marriage) and with baby #2 coming in 6 weeks...we are just having a really hard time coming up with that money every week for sessions.

any advice? anyone know where we can qualify for or get some sort of low income services? we NEED help. it is so discouraging that getting it has been so difficult. if only money grew on trees...

thanks guys. you have helped me more than you know this past week.

You could start by doing the MB online courses here on this site. Keep trying the MC through a church, i don't really have many more suggestions.

Lily2009,
Can you have him post here and promise to not read eath other's threads for now. This is a great place for any WS or BS.........hearing other people's experience or learning what is the norm for WS and learning what an affair does to a BS is a good way to learn and approve on your relationship.
Take the questionaires, follow the advice, this site has helped a lot of people and even if there is a time where the $ is more readily available you two can book some time with the Harley's ......
Good Luck

Can you go to another hospital? This business of OW having access to your personal info is not good.

no.

thats where my doctor is and is contracted at, etc.

lily, marriage counselors are so destructive to marriages that you can probably do a much better job on your own using the materials here. Marriage counselors don't have the slightest idea how to save marriages and have an 84% failure rate. They have a higher personal divorce rate than the general population.

Marriage Builders is completely different from traditional counseling in that they teach you how to restore the romantic love to your marriage. Other MC don't even believe that is possible. But it is very possible and it doesn't a long time to achieve.

Many people here have done this on their own by using this program. [others need extra help via phone coaching or the weekend seminar but this can be done on your own]

I would suggest trying this on your own and if that doesn't work, then try to scrape together the money for a few sessions with the Harleys. But it is very possible to do this on your own successfully.

Here is what I would do:

1. affair proof your marriage. Your H needs to change the environment that led to his affair. That means he stops training women, opens up his life with complete tranparency. Answers all your questions honestly about his affair. End all opposite sex friendships and stop acting inappropriately around women. He really needs to tell his employer about his affair so they can watch him.

2. get these books, [they sell them cheap on this website] Surviving an Affair, Lovebusters, and Five Steps to Romantic Love workbook and the Basic concepts DVD here.

3. pull the undivided attention worksheet out of the back of the workbook and make several copies. Sit down once a week and schedule 25 hours per week of undivided attention time focusing on these top 4 intimate emotional needs: affection, conversation, recreational companionship and sexual fulfillment. <------------------this step will make the fastest, most effective love bank deposits - this program does not work without this step. This time should be spent without kids, without TV, giving each other undivided attention. Read this article.

4. Read the books SAA and Lovebusters and follow the program outlined in them. Use the worksheets in the Five Steps to Romantic Love workbook

5. utilize the Marriage Builders radio program. You can email Dr Harley and he will answer any questions on his radio show or via email. You get a free book for the call. You will learn SO MUCH from his show. here

6. Bring your husband here and we can help him too

Have you informed the hospital about this affair so they can ensure the OW does not have access to your private files?

Good point about the HIPAA laws. The OW is in a compromised position as it relates to HIPAA. The hospital should know about this.

Anybody know if you can recover a deleted gmail email account?

I don't think there is any way to recover a deleted gmail account.

I just checked gmail support.

http://www.google.com/support/forum/p/gmail/thread?tid=7cc8176df2010429&hl=en

Looks like it's pretty nigh impossible.

With the ow attempting to illegally "fix" a hospital bill (am myself in health care) and her purusing the personal information, that is a DIRECT HIPPA violation and she should face imminent termination.

Get the B fired. Now. Send that template letter now! She should have NO access to your personal information if it is n o directly related to a bill or a recent hospitalization.

And her offer to "fix" a bill? Also illegal. Grounds for termination on the spot.

Send letter like yesterday.