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Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 25
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Not having a good day. Depressed! Kept dreaming of STBX last night. I was so resentful of his absence when we were married, but really sad about everything going kaput now. I feel financially unstable and it scares me. My job doesn't pay well. His pays well, yet he is trying to whittle it down. He's earned his money, yes, but it's unfair for his children to be deprived because he wants to waste money on overpriced items from special food markets. I'm just on a low today and I'm really mad at him.


ME: 36
WH/STBX:40
Married: 2/14/93
A: 5/04
Seperated/Divorcing: 8/10
DS: 11 (autistic)
DS: 13 (aspergers syndrome)
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 170
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Posts: 170
Those dreams are a b@#ch. I still have them. OK, the finances, the hardest part for me still is just accepting that I am no longer financially stable while doing everything I can to change that. You will be broke. If statistics are your norm, then he will be better off financially after the divorce, you and the kids worse. It IS unfair. Yet you still have to accept it. Same thing happened here. Mine makes loads of cash but shorts us on child support. Unfair. Stewing in the resentment happens, but eventually you will be at the point where you are ok with the new financial norm. And then, when we both pull ourselves out of it and are stable again, we will have earned the right to be incredibly proud of ourselves. Best of luck!

Joined: Dec 2010
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Thanks, FPM. Same to you smile


ME: 36
WH/STBX:40
Married: 2/14/93
A: 5/04
Seperated/Divorcing: 8/10
DS: 11 (autistic)
DS: 13 (aspergers syndrome)
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 25
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Posts: 25
I'm sick of missing my husband. I wish all of this wasn't happening. I hate it tremendously. I dream about him constantly. A song reminds me of him. It's like I can't escape something that I have no control over and I can't fix it right now. I keep trying to look up and be positive, but I keep having moments to where I have to step back, or a dream about my husband, and I realize that I'm living in a life that's foreign to me. I hate change. I hate my best friend being lost to me. I hate him threatening my future and haunting my past. I wish I could just move on, safely and securely.


ME: 36
WH/STBX:40
Married: 2/14/93
A: 5/04
Seperated/Divorcing: 8/10
DS: 11 (autistic)
DS: 13 (aspergers syndrome)
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 170
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 170
You wouldn't be "normal" if you didn't have those moments. Allow yourself to mourn the death of your marriage and way of life. Cry it out, think about him, for a bit, then call a friend, your therapist, journal, take a walk, go out for coffee... The point is, confront the pain, then respond to it accordingly. It does suck, it will get better, but it's a marathon, not a sprint. One baby step at a time.

Try reading a good book on the topic. I found the book: 'Divorce Sucks,' by Mary Jo Eustace a hoot during a very difficult time. Her husband left her for Tori Spelling.

I may reread it myself. Am hating my own new way of life these days: broke and no desire for any of these very nice men I've been casually dating.

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So I was just going over my cell phone bill. A bill that STBX/XWH and I share still because of contractual constraints...and because I am nosy and I still have a tendency to rent him space in my brain, for whatever dumb reason.

Apparently, the poor ignorant new GF likes to listen to him go on about himself or he likes to pretend like he likes to listen now. Who can say what is in the mind of a new and improved X/WS? He's reinventing himself and abandoning everyone and thing that was in his path or past before.

I find myself annoyed by this, but also sympathetic because he has been unable to love himself enough to stick with liking the person who his core was. He didn't like himself enough to be at peace with his life. I'm resentful that I was the [censored] that got wrapped up in it and got my feelings hurt. *rips hair out*. But I'm going to walk out of it and I will make a new and improved version of the self I always was, and that's good! I just have to be patient and wait for it to happen, which is the part that sucks! But it's also a good motivator!

Oh, and valentines day is coming up. SCREW YOU VALENTINES DAY! A day for love. He'll likely be hanging out with his new girlfriend in his new fake life and I'll remember "oh, today would've been 18 years we were married".

I'm slowly coming out of this, but I would still love a free crotch shot on him on quite a few days. Just a swift kick to alleviate some frustration. Is that too much to ask?

Last edited by Thistooshallpass; 01/20/11 11:55 PM.

ME: 36
WH/STBX:40
Married: 2/14/93
A: 5/04
Seperated/Divorcing: 8/10
DS: 11 (autistic)
DS: 13 (aspergers syndrome)
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,574
Likes: 1
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,574
Likes: 1
Quote
But I'm going to walk out of it and I will make a new and improved version of the self I always was, and that's good! I just have to be patient and wait for it to happen, which is the part that sucks! But it's also a good motivator!

This too shall pass, I like your screen name, I keep reminding myself of that. I'm hoping by Valentine's day, some of the shock will wear off, and you will surprise yourself with how far you've come smile


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
Joined: Jan 2011
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Nice vent.

I wonder if my H has loved, and is loving, his core. His present actions do not reflect what he told me his past values were.

And I second this sentiment....

Quote
SCREW YOU VALENTINES DAY!

The last time I went to a shop with valentines stuff, I was thinking that too. Since this will be my first valentine's day alone, I need to come up with something to do that will keep my mind off the day.


D-yr fall 06-fall 07
Separated 10/2010
Him-several affairs, last one 3/2011
Divorced filed 3/2011, final 3/2012

Formerly "Mopey".
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2013149&page=1

After a 4 yr FR, it became CLEAR to me of what you can look for in a FR. And that is the absence of POJA, and/or if your spouse tramples on your boundaries. If someone is not willing to do POJA with you, and they don't respect your boundaries, imo, the relationship is doomed.
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