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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 29
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OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 29 |
i guess i should be relieved actually. with the Affair, the abuse the lies about working it out i should be grateful to be out of it.
we talked about us getting back together (yes i know even after all the bs i have posted i was still willing to work on it). I told her thursday after this weekend one of us will be out of her life. its either him or me. She didn't show up to marriage counciling friday and i called her to see if she wanted to come over friday night and play games with me and the kids. she said she couldn't since the weather was bad. then i heard a phone go off in the background..she does not have a house phone and only uses a cell..
so i asked if the OM was with her. she said yes and i just said well guess we don't need to wait until monday to find out what you want.
i emailed her stateing to please not contact me. i defriended her on facebook, called her mother and said thinks for everything (she is pushing for ME to go for sole custody and that i should stay away from my soon to be ex).
she has called me about 5 times. i only answered the last one. i asked if she was in the hospital, then if one of the kids were hurt (they are with me but i was trying to make a point) she said no..so i told her again to not call. She finally got the point and got real quite and said ok. i said goodbye and goodluck and hung up.
now i feel like [censored]. there was always a chance of us working it out. now i know (yes i am stubburn and bullheaded) that there is no chance.
i really do wish her the best of luck. i am sorry i was not the man she needed.
i am slightly worried about what i am going to do now though. being alone really scares me..but i will survive.
married 12 years together 18
2 children 4 and 8
wife's affair started sometime in sept of last year she had sex with him on 8-25-10 (or so).
on 9-3-10 she assaulted me and beat the crap out of me. i did call the cops (not first time she did it but damn well the last)
Divorce filled (by her) on 9-10-10
failed reconciliation discovered on 1-1-11 (she had him stay the weekend)
divorce court on 1-3-11 (we were going to go in and ask for it to be put off. then i 1-1-11 happened)
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 537
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 537 |
Dd,
Not your fault.
She's not the person you needed.
Move on...
Just one shell of a man's opinion.
BH(me): 40ish
FWW:(ILMH) 28yo
DS 3yo
Married 7yrs
Together 10 yrs
??? Spring '07 - Adultery Begins
8/25/07 - 1st D-day (week of our anniv.)
8/07 thru 5/08 - About a dozen D-days/Gaslighting/Flaunting/Fake Recoveries
She finally quit on...
1/1/08 - First real NC attempt(Maybe?)
3/1/08 - Told me OM is an A**hole.(Hope?)
5/3/08 - D-day (Admitted to PA once)
5/4/08 - Latest D-day(Finally confessed to multiple EA/PA in our home)
5/8/08 - Present
Struggling to hold on
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 537
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 537 |
On second thought, I don't know anything about your situation and therefore am completely unqualified to offer my half cocked hair trigger knee jerk opinion...
Sorry...
BH(me): 40ish
FWW:(ILMH) 28yo
DS 3yo
Married 7yrs
Together 10 yrs
??? Spring '07 - Adultery Begins
8/25/07 - 1st D-day (week of our anniv.)
8/07 thru 5/08 - About a dozen D-days/Gaslighting/Flaunting/Fake Recoveries
She finally quit on...
1/1/08 - First real NC attempt(Maybe?)
3/1/08 - Told me OM is an A**hole.(Hope?)
5/3/08 - D-day (Admitted to PA once)
5/4/08 - Latest D-day(Finally confessed to multiple EA/PA in our home)
5/8/08 - Present
Struggling to hold on
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 29
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OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 29 |
married 12 years together 18
2 children 4 and 8
wife's affair started sometime in sept of last year she had sex with him on 8-25-10 (or so).
on 9-3-10 she assaulted me and beat the crap out of me. i did call the cops (not first time she did it but damn well the last)
Divorce filled (by her) on 9-10-10
failed reconciliation discovered on 1-1-11 (she had him stay the weekend)
divorce court on 1-3-11 (we were going to go in and ask for it to be put off. then i 1-1-11 happened)
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 537
Member
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Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 537 |
Dd
I was specifically referring to the "move on" comment.
I stand by the rest...
BH(me): 40ish
FWW:(ILMH) 28yo
DS 3yo
Married 7yrs
Together 10 yrs
??? Spring '07 - Adultery Begins
8/25/07 - 1st D-day (week of our anniv.)
8/07 thru 5/08 - About a dozen D-days/Gaslighting/Flaunting/Fake Recoveries
She finally quit on...
1/1/08 - First real NC attempt(Maybe?)
3/1/08 - Told me OM is an A**hole.(Hope?)
5/3/08 - D-day (Admitted to PA once)
5/4/08 - Latest D-day(Finally confessed to multiple EA/PA in our home)
5/8/08 - Present
Struggling to hold on
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 537
Member
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Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 537 |
Besides, I'm not really qualified to counsel anyone as my sitch is a complete custerfluck..
BH(me): 40ish
FWW:(ILMH) 28yo
DS 3yo
Married 7yrs
Together 10 yrs
??? Spring '07 - Adultery Begins
8/25/07 - 1st D-day (week of our anniv.)
8/07 thru 5/08 - About a dozen D-days/Gaslighting/Flaunting/Fake Recoveries
She finally quit on...
1/1/08 - First real NC attempt(Maybe?)
3/1/08 - Told me OM is an A**hole.(Hope?)
5/3/08 - D-day (Admitted to PA once)
5/4/08 - Latest D-day(Finally confessed to multiple EA/PA in our home)
5/8/08 - Present
Struggling to hold on
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
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Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860 |
You want plan B then go for it. You should of not answered the phone the last time.
Did you send a plan B letter?
Do you have a IM to handle contact?
Last have this post merged with your original. Unfortunately I and others need to read back and refresh our memories. If we don't remember and don't have the time to search for it the feed back you receive will be lacking some.
A new thread doesn't make your case any more urgent.
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,921
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Member
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,921 |
DD,
Please don't start another thread. None of this is a surprise. Waywards act waywardly and go back to the crackpipe if there is nothing done to end the affair.
It sounds like you have exposed, which is good.
I agree with your MIL. Go for sole physical and legal custody. You won't get it, but there will be massive shock in seeing it on paper.
Accuse her of adultery as well.
Before you go down the D road, however, I recommend you write a Plan B letter, go dark, and get an IM.
Do plan B before Plan D. I think it will give you the pause and relief you need to think clearly.
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,921
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Member
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,921 |
And go back to your old thread. Don't post your answer on this one.
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