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Typical Virginia winter� gray/brown, damp, too warm to snow, but too cold to leave your coat unbuttoned. It was a Wednesday.

It was an ordinary morning for me. But my �ordinary� had changed. Over the past few weeks, it had become pretty ordinary on most days for me to get a voice-mail or phone call at around the time I got to the office or shortly thereafter. She was a stay-at-home mom, and she often liked to call me once her husband had left for work.

This day, I got to the office a few minutes late, and saw that I�d missed a call from her. Sometimes she left a voice-mail, sometimes not. This time, she didn�t. Uneasy as I was at fleeting times with the whole sordid thing, I was usually happy for the diversion of conversation with her, but this day I had work to do, stuff piled up from the holidays, and an overseas trip looming in under 3 weeks.

So I didn�t call her back like I often did. We�d spent a lot of time together the previous week, and meanwhile, things weren�t going well for her at home. She and her husband had gotten into another fight on Sunday morning before church. Or maybe Saturday night � I�m not sure I got the whole story from her.

I�d told her we ought to let things go cold for a spell, because she kept getting uneasy feelings that her husband might be onto something. Maybe we should cool it for a few weeks � even break it off if we had to (after all, we were adults; we could quit any time, right?); but we could leave it open-ended, keep our options open.

But every time she sensed me getting cold feet, she�d call back in a day or so to say that things were better at home, that the suspicions she�d voiced earlier now seemed unfounded and he seemed oblivious. Which was certainly what I wanted to hear. I�d told her weeks earlier that I wasn�t into breaking up anyone�s family � mine nor hers. (I somehow convinced myself that there was a smidge of decency in that nuanced stance. Oh, my God, that�s how far gone I was!)

Sunday night, she�d left a reassuring voice-mail on my cell, saying that things were smoothed over. Monday we�d chatted and she wasn�t as sanguine -- she talked again about feeling trapped in her marriage and about wanting to consult with a lawyer, just to learn about her options. I felt a pang in my gut. Dammit, I�d gotten myself hooked. Again, I tried to buck her up, to encourage her to smooth things over with him, because if she were to get divorced, well, she�d be free, and that�d mean she wouldn�t be satisfied any longer with a part-timer like me. Here I was, a married, 41-year-old father of two, and I was afraid of getting dumped by my affair partner because it would hurt! This couldn�t get any more f*d up, so why not just keep riding the merry-go-round and see what happens, I must�ve thought. Or something inane to that effect.

So we weren�t sure where it would lead, but I wanted to believe that nothing was pressing us to decide. So thought I. I was happy to keep having my cake & saving it too.

Around 9:30am, she called back. �I need to talk to you.� I said I was busy and asked if I could call her back later, but she seemed anxious and said she wanted to see me that morning. I couldn�t; I had a meeting at 11:00 and a lot of work to do. I demurred, but she was weirdly insistent, even for her. �Just tell me what�s up,� I said. No, she wanted to see me, not talk about it over the phone, whatever "it" was. She was starting to sound kind of desperate. Finally she gave up and whispered: �[He] knows.�

Her husband, that is.

�About what? The e-mails, the phone calls? Or everything?�

We�d been somewhat discreet in our e-mails, until the last few days when she�d gotten a little sloppy. For a final couple of seconds, I tried to console myself with the optimism that it could all be explained away as something less than what it was. That we could somehow tie it all to the time we�d spent (and there had been quite a bit of it) practicing and talking about music together.

�Everything.�

My world stopped.

We talked a few minutes more, as she explained how he knew. I relented and told her to come downtown; she�d be in on the subway in about an hour and 15 minutes. The next few minutes were a blur. I closed my office door, sat at my desk and held my head in my hands. I couldn�t believe this was actually happening. And I�d brought it all upon myself.

He�d hired a private investigator. Keyloggers, in-home wiretap, the whole schmear. I knew she�d given him ample reason already� her leaky alibis; the long-distance affair she�d carried on with her ex-BF from Florida, from which she segued into chasing me. Being clumsy when closing out her browser windows while we were IM�ing. Always wanting to stay past the times we�d agreed upon, so that she�d get home late. Her husband would call, asking where she was, and I�d stand there and listen in silence, while she made up some lie about being out shopping and getting stuck in traffic, and there being some kind of accident at the intersection up ahead, etc. And God knows what suspicious behavior she�d done that I didn�t even know about. The previous evening, Tuesday, he'd confronted her.

I had to tell my wife. OW had begged me not to. She wanted to see me, to make her pitch face-to-face. But even as stupid as I was, I knew it was played-out, and finally had to end now. I knew I had to make a call � it couldn�t wait another minute.

Somewhere during this, there seemed a flitting sensation of relief. But it was the relief of jumping off a height in complete darkness... no longer being stuck up there, but having no idea whether anything was going to catch me, or whether it would be far preferable if nothing did.

I moved the phone closer so my shaking arms could make my fingers hit the numbers. I felt like I was hovering above the room, watching myself, or watching someone else.
_________________________

I reached her at the hospital, where she was about three hours into her day-shift. Just an ordinary day for her. Probably just an ordinary phone call. I said �I need to talk to you.�

And there, over the phone, I sucker-punched her right in the stomach. Told her I�d gotten mixed up in something awful, that I'd been in an affair. She hesitated, then asked �With who?� And before she could even catch her breath, I told her --which is to say, I punched her right in the face, the girl whom I�d sworn to cherish and honor.

I tried to tell her that I'd chosen her, not OW. (Thinking to myself, Way to go, GloveOil, you worthless jerk... Where was your choosiness back in October when this all started?) I don�t remember what else, other than begging for forgiveness and saying I was so sorry. Over the phone, I could hear her laboring just to breathe. She said she had to go, and hung up. I felt so totally alone in all the world. At the time, I was still all about me, and I probably didn�t even try to imagine what she must�ve felt -- the woman to whom I�d promised �forever.�

And her world had turned upside down.

I can never get to the center of that pain of hers. In truth, I never want to. Many of you have felt it firsthand and know better than I what I�m talking about.

I started to pray, but I caught myself. Who was I kidding, that God would give me the time of day? I�d spent the previous two months' Sunday mornings singing songs praising Him, while standing shoulder-to-shoulder with Guess Who, with both of our spouses out there in the congregation, both of us together there among the music team, getting deeper into trouble all the while, willfully ignoring the unimaginable hypocrisy of it all, and stupefyingly persuading ourselves that the truth would not out.

I got someone to take my meeting, and told my boss I had an emergency at home and needed to leave for the day. OW arrived downtown and we met in the subway station and sobbed with no dignity. We composed ourselves a little and she wanted us to find a caf� or a park bench to talk, but I said I had to go home. I told her I intended to beg for my wife�s forgiveness, beg her to keep me. She got angry when I told her I'd already called TWC -- she�d begged me not to tell my wife. She actually thought she could persuade her husband �not to make things messy� � she had a college degree, but her stupid brain was still feebly trying to find some way to keep the door open for our affair. On the train back to the suburbs, she was all crying, and begged me to run away together with her, and said we could make each other so happy. I was numb. I knew I couldn�t be happy without TWC and our family. And what about OW�s own daughter? Did she mean to run away from her child, too? How could she think that we could be happy?

I took advantage of her one last time, not in the awful way, but for transportation�I asked her to give me a ride from the subway station to the feeder bus lot where my car was parked. And I went home to wait for TWC to come home from the hospital.

It was January 7, 2009.
_________________________

I�ve never put all this out here before. I didn�t show up here on MB until 8 months after d-day. In the interim, TWC and I got lucky with the first marriage counselor I tracked down, from a list our pastor had sent me. The MC insisted that we get �Surviving An Affair,� and it became our text. She helped mediate our conversations. She gave us practical homework. She got me to shut up and listen when I should listen, and she got me to talk to my wife calmly.

This post is not our recovery story. Elements of that story, and lessons we learned, and which we hope may be of some benefit or caution to others, are elsewhere here & there, scattered among our 600-some posts. My first couple months� worth of posts were lost because of the October 2009 server crash. We�d done better than OK by August 2009, but there was still some stuff in there that makes me cringe, and still a lot of stuff in my head that I didn�t feel I was getting anywhere with. Mostly, I had only circled around, but hadn�t gotten to the core of, how selfish I�d been.

So I am glad for the 2x4s that I got back then. I am grateful for the people who kept me focused on TWC�s feelings. I�m grateful for LousyGolfer and HPB (tst) who gave me some sort of advice that I must�ve followed � they�ve given the same advice to others. I�m grateful to Tawandabelle for her words of compassion, and to MelodyLane, who explained that guilt could actually be my friend � that was a minor epiphany for me. I�m grateful for Mark1952�s wonderfully articulate and carefully thought-out advice on memories and triggers. I�m grateful for some lady whose screen name I can�t even remember, but who sat up typing a long message (well, not as long as this one!) even though she was on painkillers and was typing with a broken shoulder, to root for me and my wife and to point out where she thought I still sounded foggy. I�m even grateful in some weird way to a couple of posters whom I won�t even call out, as just about everything they posted to me was so rude, unconstructive and/or downright profane that it got edited out by the mods; in their own way, unintentionally, they helped me see just how deep a BS�s pain can be, and how it can change people if a WS doesn�t go all-in on trying to make amends. And that was all in the first 10 days or so, months before I got up the nerve to bring TWC around to the site for the first time. (And she got a little upset with me at first then, because she saw this little posting habit, which I�d just revealed to her, as being Independent Behavior -- before she dipped her toes in and saw what you all were about.)

A lot of my recounting of that awful day two years ago is from the only standpoint that I can recall it from, which is my own. But I know it wasn�t about me. I know I can never get to the center of that pain which I caused.

I haven�t spoken of OW�s husband, who deserves more and better than these few words. I�d known him and OW for over two years before OW and I ever started to slide into our improper friendship, but I didn�t know him well � hardly at all, actually. I�d thought him rather reserved, ill-at-ease in casual conversation, shy perhaps, but we might�ve been friends. He was good at his job, polite and mild-mannered, well-dressed, well-spoken, and had never had an unkind word for me. If there were any defect in his character or conduct � she claimed he drank and was a workaholic and neglectful (and I now know that I can place little credence on anything she said) � in retrospect I�ll say no one could blame him, for look what he was living with! I have never apologized to him, except through our pastor in the weeks immediately afterwards. The vast preponderance of advice I�ve since read on the matter says that any benefit of apology from an OP to a BS is outweighed by the dredged-up pain of contact with the OP, and that no apology will be seen as sincere, and thus that while a (F)WS must be willing to offer an apology, he/she should not be so inconsiderate as to actually convey one, especially after this much time has passed. But if I should live to be 500 years old, I will never be so sorry for anything, aside from how I hurt my wife, as I am for how I must�ve hurt him.

They separated, and were divorced 11 months ago.
_________________________

In some way, it feels as though TWC and I have been through a war. In history books, it�s said that wars have winners, insofar as countries or causes are �winners.� However, the memoirs of soldiers who fight wars, or civilians who live through them, say that wars have no winners at the level of the individual. Yes, those on the �winning� side are glad to have "won", because they know the alternative would have been even worse; but they think of the loss and the pain bound up in it all, and it leads them to quiet tears, not cheering and confetti. The soldiers, and the innocent civilians, too, just tell of simple gratitude for having lived through what others did not survive, and they tell of being mystified as to why they were chosen to live while others didn�t make it. That�s kind of how I feel today. (Except for having and deserving none whatsoever of the honor which nations attach to their soldiers, and for deserving quite the opposite of honor.) Mostly, I�m just grateful, and couldn�t be otherwise. All these MB principles are worth their weight in gold, but unless TWC had seen her way to forgive me, I�d be out on my [censored], alright. That forgiveness is a mystery I may not ever get my arms & brain all the way around, but I�ll take it.

This morning, my wife e-mailed me this:
�Hello, my love. It's January 7th and it's just another day: no sadness, no triggers, just a day when I am in love with my husband and so very thankful for him in my life.�

Can you believe that? Just an ordinary day.
I don't deserve it, but you bet I'll take it.



Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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Thank you for that, Gloveoil. What an amazing recovery. How very far you and your wife have come. [and I do remember the fog when you arrived!] God has truly blessed you both and this board is a better place because of it.

Thanks for all you do... smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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GloveOil,

Thank you for writing this. You and your wife are amazing people.

I second Mel's thanks to you. Your thoughtful posts are valuable on these forums.

AM



BW - 65
WH - 60
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
DD - 44, DS - 30, DS - 23
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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I teared up when I read your post, GloveOil. Bless you.


Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
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GloveOil,

I loved reading your story, I'm such a sap for a love story.........you are one lucky man to have the wife you have............
I can hear it in your voice you know that now and are grateful for her and your life together.
I to am looking forward to a lot of ordinary days, I am a year out of finding out about my husband's affair and I still am reminded everyday about it. I just hope someday it stops and I can find the peace you have found......
I think it would be helpful if your wife could post her feelings at different stages over the 2 years, how she got to the place she is at now............
For me, somedays I think I'm past it all and then other days I still want to throw in the towel.
Might help some of us in limbo.........
thanks for posting.........jessi


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
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I aqree with Jessi ..... I would love to hear more out of your wife. How she has been able to come to this place of being in love & peace with the past.

Reading your posts over the last several months gives me hope that me & my H can survive this.

I know this sounds silly but somedays I think if GL could just get ahold of him , H would get it.

I know that is a dream cuz H doesn't post on the boards but hope is still out there.


Click to reveal.. (myinfo)
Me 38 / H 39 (Haha he is older than me!)
Known 24yrs / Married 18yrs
1 DD 23yrs
Too many D Days to count (King of Trickle Truth)
We both have agreed to 100% Commitment to Make this work or die trying !



My Story

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

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Gloveoil, thank you so much for that. It gives me hope that one day I will hear my wife say that again.

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Thank you for this, GloveOil.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Quote
In some way, it feels as though TWC and I have been through a war. In history books, it�s said that wars have winners, insofar as countries or causes are �winners.� However, the memoirs of soldiers who fight wars, or civilians who live through them, say that wars have no winners at the level of the individual. Yes, those on the �winning� side are glad to have "won", because they know the alternative would have been even worse; but they think of the loss and the pain bound up in it all, and it leads them to quiet tears, not cheering and confetti. The soldiers, and the innocent civilians, too, just tell of simple gratitude for having lived through what others did not survive, and they tell of being mystified as to why they were chosen to live while others didn�t make it. That�s kind of how I feel today. (Except for having and deserving none whatsoever of the honor which nations attach to their soldiers, and for deserving quite the opposite of honor.) Mostly, I�m just grateful, and couldn�t be otherwise. All these MB principles are worth their weight in gold, but unless TWC had seen her way to forgive me, I�d be out on my [censored], alright. That forgiveness is a mystery I may not ever get my arms & brain all the way around, but I�ll take it.

The entire story was beautifully written and just what we have come to expect of you. This paragraph, however, is so on target as to how we "recovering" couples feel that I feel as if I could have written most of it it myself. Thank you for expressing in words what has been flitting around in my mind for months.
GY


D-Day EA 11/29/08
D-Day PA 12/12/08

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Gloveoil, that was so beautifully written! Have you considered becoming a writer?

Thank you for sharing your story. You are a true inspiration.


Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Originally Posted by Fred_in_VA
I teared up when I read your post, GloveOil. Bless you.
Me too. Thanks for sharing, GO smile


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
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Thank you so much for sharing your story.

Blessing to you on this ordinary day.

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How wonderful to read. You have an amazing and loving wife. Just like I have an amazing and loving DH.

It's amazing to be so blessed, isn't it?

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Beautiful!

Thank you for sharing!

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To whom it may concern: Please don't be offended that I am posting to my DH's thread. I felt the need.

GO, you are such a gifted writer, and I, by comparison, feel like a third grader when I write. But after reading your post today I felt I had to respond. It was such a hard read! I cried, being transported back to that day but seeing it from your perspective. I never gave it much thought, what you did after I hung up on you that day. I realize I never knew that you saw OW that day; I thought the last time you had seen her was Sunday morning at church. A small difference in the grand scheme of things but difficult to know none the less. So, I wanted to give you an idea what that day was like from my perspective. Here goes.

It had been a bad morning of a bad week. Our DS�s birthday party on Sunday had been nice, but Monday morning you had called me at 0645, asking me to get a phone number or something for you because your car had been hit on the way to work. Then you got home and we had to take your car to the next town over to get it looked at. You had seemed distant lately, but I took that as work stress, getting ready for your overseas trip. As you now know, I had a small suspicion something was up, so that morning after you took my car to work, I tried to get onto to your computer to look at your email, but when that failed due to password protection, I gave up. After all, I trusted you.

Anyway, by Wednesday the week hadn�t improved. I had that stupid 7am meeting (and you know how I love mornings!), but when I arrived at work I was told that the meeting had been cancelled due to high patient census. Everyone on the committee had been called and told the meeting was cancelled except me and one other nurse. We decided to stay a few hours and get some paperwork done for the committee. Then you called.

I remember the secretary coming to find me, saying that you had been trying to reach me and they didn�t know where we were meeting. We were in the small conference room that has now become my office; isn�t that a weird twist? Anyway, I said hi and you asked if I was alone. Strange, I thought, but I said, no, and you asked me if I could find a place to be alone because you had something to confess. My heart started to pound out of my chest, and I said give me a minute; I�ll call you back on my cellphone. I went to the only window within the unit where I know you can get a signal, and I called you. I asked what was up, and my world crumbled. You told me you had had an affair, and you had ended it. I asked with whom although I already knew in my heart. When you said her name the first words out of my mouth were, �I warned you�. Why hadn�t you listened?!?

After that, I said I had to go, and hung up on you. I knew I had to go back into that room with the other nurse whom I didn�t know very well and pretend like there was nothing wrong. Who knew that I was such a great actress? I told her that we had a slight family emergency and I had to leave. Of course, she asked if there was anything she could do, and I said no, it was really nothing. Instead, my entire being wanted to roll into a heap on the floor. I could actually feel my heart breaking.

Once in my car, I called my best friend and asked if she were free. She has 3 little kids but she could tell by my voice that I needed her. She said she would call her husband and see if he could come home from work to take the kids, and that I should come on over. I cried a little in the car, but knew I had to drive safely, so I held it together. I got to her house and she was a little busy with getting the kids settled with a movie in the playroom so we could talk. I sat quietly on her couch until she came over and said, �OK, what�s up?� I then crumbled into her arms, sobbing, �You know�. You see, she and I had talked about how dangerous the OW was. We both knew her from church and knew she was someone we could not trust, someone who was self-centered and desperate. A couple of months earlier I had asked you, DH, not to sing alone with her, not to BE alone with her because I had a bad feeling about her. It saddens me to know I was right.

The worst thing about that episode was that my BF�s daughters heard me sobbing and didn�t understand (Thank God!). BF told me later that when her husband got home, my BF�s eldest daughter asked him, why was TWC crying? He explained that adults sometimes get sad, and his daughter said,� But, Daddy, she was crying!� No 7 year old should have to hear that kind of sorrow.

Once I was able to calm down and verbalize my feelings, I decided I needed to call you. I reached you at work and told you that you needed to come home so we could talk. My BF and I went out to lunch where I picked at my food; Surprising what grief does to your appetite! You called me at the restaurant, asking where I was; apparently you expected me to be home waiting when you got there. I told you I was at lunch with BF and I would be home soon. You told me to tell BF to keep her big mouth shut! God, the nerve! Still trying to protect yourself from exposure? I told you that that was none of your concern. I still can�t believe how calm I was. You were being a [censored] and God had somehow seen fit to give me peace. Amazing how He led me through that dark place!

I got home and you know the rest. We prayed, you cried, we worked it out before the kids got home from school. By that time, the numbness had taken me over. I knew that if I let my guard down at all, I wouldn�t be able to stop crying, so I held it in. I made dinner for you and DS. You took him to basketball practice, and I went up into the bathtub to soak and weep.

I found out later that while waiting for DS at basketball, you had called the OW (or she had called you � I don�t remember and don�t care). You talked to her for over an hour. And briefly again the next morning. And then again about 10 days later when she called to warn you about OWH being drunk and coming after you. You believed her, but he never did. It retrospect, I guess that was truly our D day since that was the day that I insisted you never talk to her again.

This has been the hardest, most painful experience of my life. Working in a place that knows all too often the grief of a parent losing a child, I can definitely say that the pain of infidelity is at least equal to that experience. There have been days that I thought it could get no worse, and it did. But through it all, I find that God has sustained me and given me an immeasurable gift: A life partner who loves me, looks out for me, and wants what is best for me each and every day. Since the storm has passed, we talk more, love more, touch more, and THINK about each other more than we ever did prior to the A. For that, I can be grateful.

Jessitaylor, It wasn�t easy. I hope you can tell by the above story that GO was not always the wonderful man you hear from now on the forums. At times he was the stupid WS we read about who just doesn�t get it. But thanks to MB and some carefully aimed 2x4�s now he does, and it has made all the difference in the world.


ME: 45 FBS
FWH: GloveOil 43
D-Day 1/7/09 (A: 10/08-1/09)
DD: 16
DS: 12
Married: 19 years
In love for 24+ years and counting!
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TWC has blanket permission to post on any of my threads, anytime.

So, you all see now? You see how I wounded her, not merely or even mainly on that day, but for months before that day with my selfishness, and for weeks and months afterwards with my insensitivity.

And I can't fully share that suffering of hers or ever take away the memory of it.

I'm not here trying to weave pretty words. Perhaps there's beauty in the way some gunshot victims recover and heal, but we only see that as "beautiful" because of a wound that was so horrific to begin with. I don't see it as a beautiful story. I see it as a horror story, differentiated blessedly by a remarkable and unlikely ending.

It was indeed a war for our marriage. It was a war I started with a blindside attack. (We call it "D-Day" because it rolls off the tongue more smoothly, but "Pearl Harbor Day" might be a better analogy.) Countries remember their wars mainly because they are too terrible to forget.

So I remember that day, and I'm indeed grateful for every normal, ordinary day I can spend with her.


Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 89
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I found both stories (your and your wife's) to be very touching.

The first part was so much about you and OW that I almost couldn't keep reading it. Glad I did.

I love the way you thank the posters on here.
It seems so sincere.
And of course, the way you turned yourself inside out to get thru this is inspiring.

I will say the OW apologized to me and I appreciate that. It wasn't all what I would hope for but I do think it was sincere. It actually meant a lot to me.
Plus, her actions from apology day forward were consistent with being sorry (no contact, moving away) Now I am not suggesting you break no-contact to apologize.

May you create a loving marriage with one another.



Me:BW 34yo
FWH: 36yo
Married:11 years
Together:16 years (dated through college years)
3 Children: 8, 7, 2
EA 10/2009 PA began 12/09 lasted until 4/10
EA Discovery 1/10 & PA Discovery 4/10
What I thought was "no-contact" in 1/10 was a FR
Last known contact June 2010
Believe we are finally in firm no-contact and working on recovering.
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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:::sniff sniff::: Where's my box of tissues??? You kids!

Seriously, TWC, great post. I remember GO's first few posts. I was impressed by his intelligence but could see the patches of fog. (Sorry to talk about you on your own thread, GO smile )

And I remember when you first came on board. It was like the completion of a circle.

I know many posters have benefitted from both of your posts.

Well done, guys. clap


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 15
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Posts: 15
This is my first post here, after reading for some months now. But I wanted to say thank you for it. As a BS with what appears to be a truly changed and repentant spouse, it is lovely to see that it really does happen. That the WS changes do go all the way through, that it isn't gaslighting, that it really truly changes them to their core.

Congrats on a job well done.


Me: BS 42
Him: WS 44
Daughter 15, son 11
DDay 4/20/07
DDay#2 8/3or4/07 (love that I can't remember if it was the 3rd or 4th)
Recovering.
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,416
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TWC, thank you for posting. I see much of my own DH's heart in your post - completely honest about your pain but amazingly redemptive in your love.


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