Wow.....it's been a LONG time since I've travelled this way.

Had a very wierd experience last week. Ex-H and I have been divorced for about 5 1/2 years now. We managed to work a lot of things out after the divorce, and have remained friends (albeit somewhat distant) since then. About once every three months we will have a lunch or dinner just to keep in touch. It actually has been quite pleasant.

Throughout this time, we've never broached the topic of the other person dating anyone else, even though I think we both knew the other had been dating.

Moving on to Facebook - I don't go on there much...maybe once every couple of months - don't post anything really, and have never posted any dating issues, boyfriends, etc.

Last week I went on, and noticed that ex-H had posted that he was 'in a relationship with xyz'. The posts (which showed up on my page) included pictures.

In my head, I've always been hoping he would find somebody. He's a good person, and deserves to find love again. We know that what we had was irreparable, even though we will always hold a special place for it in our heart. And, because of that, I have been at peace (even hoping) with him finding love again. I have been dating someone for a while, also, whom I love very much.

But seeing the actual pictures of him kissing her on the forehead....and just generally the same kinds of things we did.....well, that has really thrown me off my game. Not jealousy - a completely different feeling. Almost like I'm grieving my marriage again. I find myself on the verge of tears replaying visual memories (similar to those pictures) that haven't entered my mind in a long time.

It's been 3 days now.....and I'm still wanting to cry almost every 5 minutes. I seem to be replaying all the 'good' memories, too. And none of the bad.

Thing is, I don't want to go back to what we had, because it wasn't a happy place for either of us. And my affair pretty much made everything irreparable. He would never be able to look at me without thinking of it, and I would never want to torture him with those memories. We both know that, are OK with that, and have moved on - miraculously remaining friends, and having more trust, respect, and healthier love for each other.

But 2 pictures, and I'm reduced back to sobbing, remembering, and grieving a lost marriage. Now I wonder if I need to remove he and his sister from my facebook for fear I will end up like this every time I check my account.

I do love my ex-H in my own way, even though it is not the same way I used to. And I would like to be able to maintain a friendship similar to what we have had. It is somewhat distant, but like two old friends who just like to know the other is doing well.

Has anyone ever experienced something like this? We do not have kids.....I don't know if that makes much of a difference.

(I do feel incredibly thankful that I have a wonderful boyfriend who I can be completely and totally honest with - I was able to talk to him about this, and he understood and even said he could relate because he had felt that way about a relationship in his distant past. I am a very lucky person.)

L.I.T. - this is one more reason why you cannot be "friends" with someone from whom you are divorced. It is an unrealistic fantasy that makes a joke out of family life. Please look at this MB thread on the subject:

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2279757&page=1

Don't try to have in divorce what you tried to have in marriage: Having both a family *and* and single life. That never, ever works for anyone.

And you and your boyfriend need better boundaries regarding your exes, or you are going to end up in this situation again. Nothing lucky about that.

Hmmmmm.....perhaps you are right, Mulan. I forgot that MB discourages any contact with ex's. When I was quite active on the board, it was NC with the OM......so my trained thoughts were of such.

Although I can't say that I am unhappy that my ex-H and I did continue contact enough to work through our issues, and once again learn to appreciate and respect each other again - instead of the alternative of hatred and resentment.

But your point is poignant and taken.

Thank you for your response.

After reading that thread, I would like to have it noted that my boyfriend is NOT the (or an) OM.

My ex-H and I were both newly divorced and single when we 'worked' the affairs and other issues out. There were no third parties or intended reconciliation when this happened.

It wasn't until after a significant 'grieving' of our marriage that either of us started dating.

That being said, it is correct about MB recommending cutting all contact with ex's. And perhaps my post is a good example of why.

I just had a similar experience recently. My xh and I have been separated for more than 5 years and officially divorced for nearly 3 years. I try to minimize my contact with my XH, but since we have a son together, we do need to communicate and meet for drop-offs and pick-ups, school events, etc.

He had many EAs while we were married. But his new GF is not the one that triggered the whole separation/divorce. So she is not 'guilty', however looking at those pictures on FB made me very sad.

So I understand how you felt and how you are afraid of opening your FB pages again. You can block him, you know... You need to protect your emotional well being.