Sad. All shades of wrong but one of the potential destructive consequences of adultery abuse.

Has anyone read a good commentary/editorial about the Walker snooping case? I've been looking for one.

I like that you call it your info program.

A truthful information program indeed!

Very sad indeed. However, it would be a BAD idea for 17m4 to show this article to his wife who could possibly stretch it as a threat of violence. If she's already talking lawsuits, this would be ammunition for her to use.

I agree...
I do not plan on showing her the article...
Always doing the CYA program...
Thanks for the posts...
My WW is crazy enough that I believe she would try to take legal action...
It would ruin her in this town and general geograpical area, but she normally does not think things thru to see what the outcome might be...
With all the affairs it is obvious that she does not think things thru...
I am taking precautions...it always pays to be safe...
Thanks.

17m4, I would really play this up and paint a picture for her. Tell her how wouldn't that be terrible if a wayward pulled such a stunt here in the Texas Bible belt? "In these kind of cases all the emails along with evidence of the affair are dragged through the press." Then wonder out loud if the WW regrets having her dirty laundry paraded from Miami to Seattle. "I wonder how that would go over out here in the Texas Bible belt?"

Mel,
I decided that if she wants to make this public knowledge then I am more than happy to go in that direction with her...
It is not me who will get slammed in the dirt...
I know she used to love that show "Desperate Housewives", but this would make that look like kids play...
I am "giddy with excitement"
Thanks...

Our S13 is putting the pressure on WW to move back home, and to work at rebuilding our family...
Our S13 has been rejecting her and not talking to her...telling her to go away, etc...
The WW told me she does not like the term wayward wife, and please use some other term...
WW is now talking about moving back, but with conditions...
I have not told her there cannot be any conditions...
Any move back must meet Dr Harley's terms within the books HN/HN and Love Busters...or no deal...

Our children learning about her affairs has really upset her...
She said I should never have released that info...and I am a bad robot...
Okay tell me more...

Here is a better term "adulteress".
Have your DS13 set the conditions for WW comming back. I am only somewhat kidding, but who knows, it might help all of you out. It seems he is affected by this almost as much as you.

you are not being a bad robot, you are just being honest with your kids. I think they have every right to know what is happening to the structure of the family. That way they are not suprised that WW is living outside of the house.

Threatening exposure does not help. I would not use it as leverage in the future.

Just wanted to say "Way to go!" on what you're doing. Be strong and stick to your guns. She doesn't dictate conditions of a return. She must agree to yours or no deal.

When she tells you that you're at fault for the kids, turn it back on her. "I wouldn't have had to say anything if you hadn't had an affair. If you hadn't committed adultery. YOU put us in that situation and the kids have a right to know when their family is being consciously destroyed. Don't put it on me. Your actions led us here. I'm doing what I need to to keep this family together."

Then walk away or hang up.

Update,
I went to my IC appointment yesterday, and the Marriage counselor had met with my WW two hours earlier...
My WW told him that she knew that I was the one that released this info to our children, and especially to our S13...

This is my last time to go see this MC because you have to be very careful about which MC you use...

The MC/IC told my wife that I was in the wrong to have released any info about the WW affairs to our S13...
The MC said he bet that his other MC friends would take his same position in all of this...
We have been going to see this MC for over 6 months now.
I read the printed info from Dr Harley about telling the children about the affairs and the positive outcome that Dr H has seen that I took to the appt. with me and the MC still said I was in the wrong to have released any info...
The MC is just siding with my WW because he has seen her longer and she is telling him how upset she is...

The MC finally said at the end that if the WW was still in contact with these OM that she needed to stop all contact and recommit to our marriage before we would ever be able to start a positive recovery. (duh)
The WW was still in touch with the OM up until the exposure happened and now I believe it has stopped cold turkey.

The small little tidbits that I received from this MC I had already gotten from reading Dr. Harley's books, and my wife had read the Dr H. books, but did not want to follow the books because she was still in contact with the OM.

The bottom line is that you cannot start to rebuild your marriage until your WW stops all contact with the OM, and it usually takes Exposure to stop all contact with the OM.

I still firmly believe in the power of exposure because we would not even be started on the road to recovery had Exposure not halted my WW contact with the OM.

So, please understand that some MC are out to lunch and do not believe in Exposure, and they will tell you not to do it, but take this with a grain of salt.

I am not blaming this MC because he does 7-10 different kinds of counseling and he does not specialize in pure MC, and this is why I like Dr Harley and the Dr H. methods...
The Dr H. methods are easy to understand and easy to follow and they make sense...they pass the Litmus test...
The Dr H methods bring good results...
Thanks.

I am going to start using a MC from our church...
We are Lutheran...

Ask him if he understands and incorporates Marriage Builders concepts in his counselling.

MC can be damagnig because they side with one or the other spouse. They drudge up old bad history, and I think cause more problems. They have no idea how to reach people who are in affairs, and don't understand that it is more than a couple fighting or having regular issues.

As far as i am concerned I burned money at the MC trying to get my FWW to stop the affair. Now I want to walk into his office and say, "You are wrong".

P.S. Our MC also had a couple side buisnesses, and practiced general counseling part time Tues-Thurs type of thing.

babe can we do that?? I soo would want to see his face!! He did not do a good job but then again he was working with a WW and WW LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE!! >.<

I think about it all the time. At least he got that I was depressed.....duh!

Here is a helpful article about what you can expect from a marriage counselor if their program works:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7100_counselor.html

I've been to three counselors before I came here, and all of them had issues although some had some helpful ideas. Before going to another counselor I would seriously want to evaluate them in the light of the plan presented in that article.

Marriage counseling is a waste of time when there is a spouse in an active affair. You would be better off getting a pedicure.

Oooh, right, this is an active A. Scratch the MC, 17. It won't gain you a thing.

My WW is now trying to tell me that the several OM that she was involved with were all married OM are decent guys. I told her that a decent married guy does not get involved with another married woman and set about wrecking both families on both sides. I told her they were POSOM...dirtbag and trashbag OM. I have been trying to save our marriage for 7 months now, and I am starting to envision a life with just our Son 13 and myself, and our two daughters come to visit us. I have even caught myself daydreaming about another woman, and how nice it would be to have a relationship with someone that I could talk and share feelings with. Anyway, just my idle daydreaming thoughts.