Gave up smoking, thats huge. Your on your way for sure. Doesn't there seem a peace way more real when you quit smoking? As opposed to the one you seek when you light up in anxiety?

Very happy for you Harm

Hey Harmony. Glad you had a great time and I AM SO JEALOUS. :P

Let's call this new and improved Plan B, Plan B 2.0. A new year, a new you and a new Plan B. You are doing great and remember that those pesky thoughts can pop in at any time. Let the grieving happen, for both your dad and your M. It will take time for you to deal with this all. Let it happen. Also, make positive and long lasting changes in YOUR life. In a year, you too will be amazed at the progress you have made.

BTW, I am toughest on myself. After all, I KNOW what I was/wasn't thinking.

Hi Guys

2 weeks Dark Plan B today, and feeling VERY strong. I don't knows happened to me but I am so serious about Plan B.

2 weeks seems to be the common point that H tries to break Plan B, so have made plans all weekend so I am hardly at the house, then I am back at work on Monday so out all day anyway. Fridays generally seem to be his weak point.

am going to have to change the back door lock AGAIN, as it looks like H got in the house whilst I was away. His company is doors/windows/extensions so it is easy for him to break in, guess he was able to do that whilst I was away.

In fact I am more concerned that if my WH dares turn up at the house , I will be tempted to hurl rotten tomatoes at him. Just kidding.

My suggestion is you get a locksmith who can go thru and secure your home, windows, etc. Being in construction before I know there are ways to get in if there are not good locks. Its important he doesn't get away with bargding into the house, now that you have asked him not to come over, and he use the IMs.

Have a great time Harm. Glad your doin better.

Thanks Constant will give them a call and get that arranged. Pesky builders!

Yay, Harmony! I'm glad you're doing so well!

Scott Peck, the author of "The Road less traveled", was a preist, phycologist<sp> and therapist. He said something that rang so true in my heart in that book, that it changed my life. It was a "word in season" to me, meaning I had to be ready to hear it.

Many people hear things but do not really hear them until a certain time in thier life. Its why bible scholars say they are allways learning and gaining from the scriptures, and they never can read enough. Allways learning and growing. We are all that way, and the spirit is clear regaurdless of the source. But thats a whole deep discussion on its own, suffice it to say God lives through his people, even the ones that don't belive in him.


He said that what was the most important life changing entity in a childs life, which would prevent them from suffering and allow them to adapt to even the worst situations and come out healthy, was the presence of a parent that would stick by them through anything and suffer with them if need be.

We can share each others burdens, and even the blessed can "pay it forward" by counsel. Its a priveledge to give and to recieve.

I personnaly beleive that we are to help others when nessesary, as we help ourselves, and hold each other up when we can. I also beleive that as our children need emotional support, so do us "adults", and that we are children of God, and he did not mean for us to suffer while are here, and we can still be his children, emotionally as well as we grow experiencally and mature as adults.

Its been my great pleasure to help you Harm, and inspiring to myself at the same time. I believe everybody here feels the same. You are doing good, may your journey bring you all the blessings your heart desires, as you keep searching, learning, and loving. Keep learning that you allready have everything within yourself for happiness, and as it is revealed, you will be able to take full charge of yourself, and protect yourself also.

Now that you are in a Dark Plan B, emotions and thoughts that you have will become more apparant that come from you. My advice is to not hide from ones that make you want to run away and hide, but instead explore them, reason away any that don't make sense. In short fight for your peace of mind. We all have to do this, maybe some more than others, but its the fear that is painful more than anything, fear of being alone the worst of them all.

A balanced therapist is best for this, but we will be here even then, if you need us.

As far as marriage recovery advice, you know its here and clear.

God bless Harm, keep posting and update when ya can

God does not discriminate. Thank goodness. I'm sure we've all had times when we've questioned his existance.


Hopefully I am doing this for MY children and I hope they will be stronger and more adaptable to 'life' because of it.


HARMONY,

Wonderful about your Plan B darkness! I am proud. You sound like you are doing soooo well. Life must be going well.

Your a very special person, don't ever forget that. I've valued your input and what you've had to say.

You have been there, therefore you know what I should expect. I love the fact that you can give hindsight. Very valuable tool for us
still waffeling through this.

Just wanted to say thanks. Mitzie

Thank you Mitzie, its getting kinda better, stabilizing if you like. I was such a MESS when I got here, depressed, confused, didn't know my own mind, didn't know what was right from wrong, did not understand boundaries, did not know what to expect from a marriage, and well I feel like a different person now.

What a cool place with some real special people.

Ok I am not being a brown nose here, but they just ARE.

Helloooo

I am 2 weeks and 1 day in the new and improved dark as night Plan B.

Sat at home waiting for my sis, we are going out for dinner tonight so I can bore her with all my holiday stories and I can hear all her latest goss.

Tomorrow is my momma's birthday, and we are all going out for lunch to this really nice hotel/spa in the countryside.

Had a moment this morning, just a quiet one, I love him but I have had enough. Time to move on. I guess thats normal right?

I think the hardest part of Plan B without children is the loneliness. I am OK with it, but have talked to myself in the mirror a couple of times.

Thats news to me if I am not supposed to be talking to myself.

(Be quiet Constant people will think your crazy)

(Lol Process they already know I think)

Pay no attention to Him, He is not normal

I think many people miss that even with children, you will still be lonely if you lose your spouse. Ask any of the parents here in Plan B.

OK so things are going good.

In dark plan B, IM in place, going out and enjoying myself, not feeling too needy for H. Making plans ect...

I went out with sis for dinner last night, had a really good night and then out with my mum, step mum and 2 sisters today and we just had such fun over lunch. I know that if this marriage ends that I will be OK.

I guess I need to think about an end date for Plan B as time is not on my side. It will be 1 year since D day at the beginning of March.

Harmony, I'm glad you're doing so well. Didn't see any mention of running, though.

I don't understand-why would you end Plan B? To go to Plan D? What do you mean that time won't be on your side?

Hi Hope

I went running yesterday morning, you cheeky monkey!! Howz about you lady?? You did say something about the treadmill?

I am 35, would love to have a family, and cannot stay in PLan B for an extended period of time. So need to set an end date. Maybe 3 months or something?

If H does not want to abide by PLan B letter then will need to move on at some point so as not to waste my chances to have a family.

Ofcourse I pray daily that he will, I love him deeply even though he has hurt me terribly in many ways.

I get a lot of pressure from my family (mum and sisters) to get the house sold, they even asked me tonight when house is back on the market. I bat them off all the time and change the subject.

I also saw OW when I was out with sis last night, it made me feel incredible rage towatds him and her!

Only a few days into Plan B. H has my DD4 for weekend and so not only do I miss him, I miss her. The BS gets doubly betrayed - loss of marriage and loss of time with child.

I'd rather be in this just missing my H. That I could do. Missing both of them is the worst.

Harmony - I have one DD and so badly want another. I'm 37 and don't think I can do Plan B for long either.

Um, I walked around the mall for 2 hours--surely that counts for something...;)

Thanks for answering my impertinent question. I understand. I get lots of questions from family, too. Half of them hope the divorce will be final soon. I wish they would all get on the same page I am.

If I ever see my WH's cOW (that c is just there because it suits her so well!) I may well be arrested for making a fool of myself. Good show of restraint, Harmony!

DrH suggests 2 years for Plan B. I intend to go longer than 2 years. I have a date in mind, but I haven't told anyone yet. And what that will actually mean is that if my WH hasn't, I will file for a D. I am not ready now. I don't think that I would have any direct contact with WH even after that date. I don't think that you need to end Plan B to go into Plan D. There are people who have continued Plan B even after a D(I believe Mulan is one of the posters whom have). It's about healing and protecting yourself.

I think that you could set a date when you will re-evaluate your life and see what is best for you. That way, if you aren't ready, you can choose to stay in Plan B for a while longer.

I figure that as long as you are still willing to take your WH back, you shouldn't try to have a relationship with someone else. It isn't really fair to the other person. KWIM?