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Yesterday he said a few things about how attractive the OW is and about how he is attracted to other, younger women. He says he's trying to be honest with me, as being honest with each other was a problem in the past. Well I don't really appreciate the honesty. I just feel put down and defeated. ok, he should have not said that about that filthy skank ho, but he did the right thing in telling you how important PA is to him!! How can you know if he doesn't tell you?? 6years, 47 year old women can be VERY ATTRACTIVE. I know many middle aged women who are HOT. ARE YOU ATTRACTIVE? Can you describe your appearance? ARe you at a good weight? Do you do your best to be attractive? Your H can fall in love with you if you use this program. ARE YOU USING THIS PROGRAM?? What are you doing to restore the romantic love in your marriage? If your H is in love with you, he will be much less likely to be attracted by other women. ALSO, if he feels attracted to younger women, what is he doing to PROTECT HIMSELF from that attraction? Is he avoiding them? All I can say is; Diane Lane. Ok, unfair comparison, it's an actress. But somehow, that woman becomes more beautiful with every year of age. I would dig a little deeper into this; what exactly does he find attractive? I can tell you that, for me, physical attractiveness only goes so far... but let's start with that. What can you do? You can get your "hair done, nails done, e'rything did" and be at the top of your game every day. Don't just be the "mom in sweats." Be tops, even if you are just sitting around home. Take some time to admire your work, too. Why? Because this will lead into the next attractive trait; CONFIDENCE. You need to KNOW that you are the shizzle. It should be evident in your posture, your smile, the very way you walk. Building on both of these; you can improve your nutrition, hydration, and fitness. Doing these things will not only have the outward effect, but your energy levels, and thus your mood, will improve. Packing that confidence is much easier when you can amp up your energy levels.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Thanks for all the good advice. I don't think I am UN-attractive, but I certainly look my age especially after what I've been through the last few months. The "old" look and feel I have has been exacerbated by rapid weight loss since finding out about the affair. Exercise and eating nutritiously could not hurt. The ironic thing is that I never thought the OW was attractive and definitely not my H's "type" - very cheap looking and frankly,slutty. I can't see myself ever looking or acting that way, no matter what age I am. I pride myself on being more classy than that. It would probably be a good idea to find out exactly what he does find attractive. I don't know if I can bear hearing it though.
BS(me) 47
WH 48
DDay 7/9/10
M 21 years
4 children,17,16,13, and 10
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Thanks for all the good advice. I don't think I am UN-atractive, but I certainly look my age especially after what I've been through the last few months. The "old" look and feel I have has been exacerbated by rapid weight loss since finding out about the affair. Exercise and eating nutritiously could not hurt. The ironic thing is that I never thought the OW was attractive and definitely not my H's "type" - very cheap looking and frankly,slutty. I can't see myself ever looking or acting that way, no matter what age I am. I pride myself on being more classy than that. It would probably be a good idea to find out exactly what he does find attractive. I don't know if I can bear hearing it though. Do you have a caring friend who could help you with this? Someone who would be honest about your appearance? What does your hair look like? Do you have an attractive, hot hairdo? What about your makeup? If your face looks old, can you get it back in shape? [I have some suggestions - I am a skin junkie] You don't have to look slutty and cheap to look HOT.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2010
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Thanks for all the good advice. I don't think I am UN-attractive, but I certainly look my age especially after what I've been through the last few months. The "old" look and feel I have has been exacerbated by rapid weight loss since finding out about the affair. Exercise and eating nutritiously could not hurt. The ironic thing is that I never thought the OW was attractive and definitely not my H's "type" - very cheap looking and frankly,slutty. I can't see myself ever looking or acting that way, no matter what age I am. I pride myself on being more classy than that. It would probably be a good idea to find out exactly what he does find attractive. I don't know if I can bear hearing it though. Just bear in mind that his comments on the OW are likely just residual fog. Just more justifying that is clinging, like toilet paper, to his mouth, which is serving as a butthole when he spews crap like that.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Just bear in mind that his comments on the OW are likely just residual fog. Just more justifying that is clinging, like toilet paper, to his mouth, which is serving as a butthole when he spews crap like that. :::sputtering::: :::Note to self: No eating lunch at computer while reading HHH's posts::: 
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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You know a new hair style, color can do wonders for your self esteem, try it can't hurt, how about tanning a little.........
smelling good is always a must, using your best assets..........looking sexy........
I feel better already thinking about how great you are looking, I know it's tough when the WS's say awful things, but remember it's about them thinking it's going to give them some power somehow, you have control over that part. Look at it as his problem and not what you aren't ........
don't let him make you feel bad........just smile and look cute as you can............
BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
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That was pretty funny,HHH - and I needed a laugh right now. Thanks
BS(me) 47
WH 48
DDay 7/9/10
M 21 years
4 children,17,16,13, and 10
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HHH is awesome and hilarious. Six, I wanted to share a slightly funny thing that happened a few months ago. About me: I don't need to lose weight, but woman, I need to build muscle mass. So, I started walking 4 miles a day, and then finally went to the gym regularly. Fast-forward...major trauma emotionally. There went the gym. So, one Sunday I got up (again, after coffee, decided it would be a Lifetime day back in bed) and checked me out in the mirror at about 4 p.m.. Oh. My. God. Last shower was Friday morning, had crazed polka dot sweats on with a peach, torn up hoodie, gray socks, crazy, dirty and psycho hair, and I just smelled like a pile of rot. My face? Old, Friday make up glazed over with a healthy dose of oily face. I think I'd brushed my teeth the day before. Still not sure. I did for about 2 weeks, I think, and a really bad 2 weeks. Get yourself together EACH AND EVERY DAY, lady! Just do it, and make yourself do it. Even if you don't intend to leave the house. P.S. Take PRIDE in looking your age! Young? Bullshoot. Take pride in looking good...and I will have none of this "looking good for your age". You either carry yourself with pride, or you don't. THAT is looking good. Look good, smell good, and do good for yourself...that is the ultimate "win" if done with humilty and appropriate pride. Do it all for you...the benefits will come for YOU and for the others around you. Be a hottie!  Hottie does NOT mean SLUTTY!
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PS: to clarify...I have no idea how old you are Six...I stand by what I say whether you are 26 or 76! Beauty is in the confidence of the person coupled with the beholder, and nothing more or less. It's a 2-way street that I happen to love.
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Thanks for the good advice. I think a new do would make me feel better.
BS(me) 47
WH 48
DDay 7/9/10
M 21 years
4 children,17,16,13, and 10
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