You know, now that this hearing is over and I know I won't have any financial worries, knock on wood, I feel I can handle Plan B a lot better.

I probably WILL miss him, the him I remember in my mind. No, I know I will miss him. H3LL, I already do. His smell, his eyes, that face he makes when I dance around the room like a wacko...like this: seriously, this is how I dance!

But something is differnt in me, I can feel it.

WH thinks I can't handle financial responsiblity. He always took care of bills and payments and anything to do with money. I always thought I couldn't, something inside me tells me I CAN and I WILL. It's almost now a revenge. Not an A revenge, but something that will eat him up inside maybe more than an A revenge.........FINANCIAL REVENGE.

Yes I will think about him, what could have been, what we could have don different, but mostly I'll be wondering if he's ever thinking of me.

" Yes I will think about him, what could have been, what we could have don different, but mostly I'll be wondering if he's ever thinking of me. "


I understand ...... just don't be tempted to confirm.It will only hurt you in end. Just keep the bar raised high. ((( Hugs )))

Thanks everyone.

Here I am up at @ 2:39 because my loveable, adorable little pooch decides he needs a potty break!

Just a quick question, then I think I'm going to take a few days off from posting. I need to regroup my thoughts, take a little time to read(yes some Dr. Harley in there!), learn & get myself focused.

Something WH said to me right before I started my semi-dark,more like mocha-dark Plan B. I was hugging him, arms around his neck, real close. Of course he wasn't hugging me back(saving those hugs for OW I'm sure)and out of no where he gets a...well you all know where I'm going, anyway WH says to me he doesn't know what it is about me, just something about me that has always driven him crazy/wild in that dept. Now mind you, I have NOT been one in this marriage to to very often initiate 'that' kind of contact, (although when I did I made it worth the wait .)and that was a BIG LB no no for his #1 EN to be met. Hence,in walks OW agressive an on the prowl.

Afterwhile (no SF that night, I remember)looking at me like my old WH, speaking like my old WH he says to me, "I think I'm in love with you sexually" Now I know sex and love are two seperate things. I know men view sex physically and women emotionally. I know you can't build or save a marriage strickly on sex no matter how much of an EN it is for either or both partners. I know WH is 'in lurve with OW emotionally'. But...and a big BUT here...and I pose this question to any sucessful Plan B'er out there: Is his thinking of being in love with me sexually a starting point to get him out of the 'fog' enough to start to, I don't know, think 'unfoggy' thoughts whilst I Plan B? Especially since he won't be getting ANY of his EN's from me. Nada, zip, zero EN's (time for OW to fill ALL those).

I'll probably be lurking in and out, checking archived posts for answers to questions and such. C-ya in a few...Mitzie

Most definitely yes. Even the potential for good SF is a good attractor.

In short, yes.

His memories of you, both sexual and non-sexual, will begin to haunt him over time. If I had to guess, I would suppose that the sexual ones would make it back into his mind first, lol, but eventually so will the others. That can be a starting point for all sorts of healthy revelations, and I hope it will be.

Take a break if you need, and don't be afraid to pop back in if you need.

I know I said I was going to take a little break...well that didn't last very long did it?

Going into day 3 of dark Plan B.

Only peep I heard was Friday Morn when WH called the home phone and I didn't answer. Guess he got the letter.

Saw him driving down the main street of town after that. I turned my head when we passed.

WH did call DS2 on Friday night to see how he was, talked for a minute, that was it. WH didn't call the whole DS2 the whole Christmas break, through the New Year+! Now? Hmmmmm

What do WS do with the PlanB letter when they get it, usually? Do they throw it away, hide it, read it over and over, show the OP, what? Just curious.

(**fact** My WHs OW is much like THE BARRACUDA :They are voracious, opportunistic predators relying on surprise and short bursts of speed to overtake their prey.When I thought something 'fishy' was going on months ago I never suspected my WH was being eaten up by THE BARRACUDA!)

I know that feeling! Its addictive I tell you....

The board keeps telling me that they tend to ignore the letter initially and store it somewhere and then when the fog starts to lift keep getting the letter out to check it out...

Dark is good.

The perverse human tendency is to want them to try all the time to break through, but that really isn't best for us or them.

Mitzie, I forget whose WH it was, but there was one WH who's OW caught him hiding in his closet reading his BW's Plan B letter and where he had hidden it under a floorboard. So yes, I think they DO think about it, often.

After my DH came home he later admitted to me that he compared his OW to me in every way and that they (yes two of them) just didn't measure up. I believe he was sincere at that time because he was so remorseful. Had he said something like that DURING his A(x2), I wouldn't have believed him for a second.

Still in dark Plan B and I was going along so well

WH still trying to get a hold of me via home phone. I don't answer it.

However...last night got a funny txt and fowarded it to ALL on my 'friends' contact list...forgot to remove WH from that list! I took his number off my call list but he was still on my 'friends contact' list! So late last night he got a txt from me, inadvertently yes, but never-the-less...

Setback? Yes? No? This is only day 4 of dark Plan B.

I have a funny feeling he's about to do a 'pop in'. All doors are locked. We live sooo far out in the country that we only have one key for the front door (and it's hanging in the kitchen), and no key for back patio door or garage & I don't think he has either of those.I realise this sounds crazy to people that live in/near the city, but we don't even lock our cars at night! It really is like Mayberry(old Andy Griffith show)

BTW, yes I DID remove him from 'friends list'.

Oh, and PM..you should write a movie of the week based on your story...some of the things that went on(!)...happy ending though

Hang in there Mitzie,

Start to think about what you will do if he shows up, get a plan together.
Good job removing him from your friends list..
You know how it works here, even in Mayberry.........loved that show.......
Come here when you get weak.......
Remember your own words about feeling the power.......I often think of that. It helps me regain my power.............

I'm, oh, about 70 miles outside Mayberry, so I totally get it.

You need to use any additional locks, boards in doors and windows that don't lock, and whatever it takes for you to feel confident that he won't be able to easily get in if you're there.

It's important for your rest and recuperation that you feel safe from contact in your own home. If need be, cancel your home phone and only use your cell, which has had the # changed. The kids can call him from their cells.

Things like that will go a long way toward helping you relax and be able to focus on your own healing.

I was reading Pheonixrising65's story and saw this from Mulan. I posted part of it because I always find such comfort in reading others stories and the advice that is given. It's sad but true, I shouldn't be finding comfort in other's pain and misery, but knowing I am not the only one to go through this awful mess of A brings some releif. My WH has never had to deal with any consequences in his life, ever. There has always been some excuse or he just ignores it(like he's doing to me now). I hope he will see the consequenses of his actions this time.

I thought I would get over not being in contact with WH. This is only DAY 5! I have marked on my calander week by week. I figure if I can get through this week, I'll tackle next week when it comes.

I go crazy trying to figure out something to do on my days off. I spent my whole married life wrapped around this marriage and my family. 20 years of no life is a lonnnnng time..

All my friends are wives with families of their own, I work far from home and the women I work with are married with children and busy lives or very young single 20 somethings.

I do have a sister that lives 95 miles north of me. I talk to her almost daily, but she and her husband own a business and are quite busy. I cannot visit her much due to my work schedule.

Money is tight, and single older friends are non existant. What to do with my time? I do enjoy the library, and browsing the book stores...however...that gets kind of old after a while. I've gone to the movies alone, I've even gone out to eat ALONE(that was more of a test for myself, but I did it).

I mean, short of hanging out with 20 somethings and going to bars all night with them, what do I do? (other then peruse the MB boards all day & night :D)

Any suggestions? I don't want to spend any more free "MIND TIME" harrasing my brain about WH & THE BARRACUDA! I have a very active imagination and it tends to run free & wild if I don't rope it in.

What have you always wanted to do? What have you always wanted to learn about? What places near your home could you do community service and help others? Time to brainstorm, chiquita!

And to add to Neak's great suggestions, what language have you always wanted to learn? Do you sew? crochet? knit? You could make some premie hats and take them to a hospital. I have always wanted to learn how to do origami. Think of some out of the box things and you will find that soon enough, your mind will hit on something.

Take a class in something. It gets you out of the house, you get to meet other adults with a common intrest. How about a book club at Starbu&s?

The class could be at JoAnnes, Scrapbooking USA or community college for about $45/credit hour. If that is too costly there are a lot of online things, but it does not help you with real face to face interaction.

Yeah I know about the 20 year thing. I spin around the kitchen all the time feeling like I should be cooking something!

it is amazing how many of us are in the same situation...WH is with a ho after 20 years of M with us.
Sometimes I think I am going to wake up from a nightmare and it will all be ok again.

I always wanted to learn how to swim, so now I am taking swimming lessons. I have some single friends but they are very few and are younger than I am, they do not call me to go out and when I call them they make excuses. I understand.
I do not like to go out with M girlfriends cuz they usually bring their H along and that makes me feel like I can only relax to a certain extent and then some topics might be too boring for a man.
But yes, find something that keeps you active. I bike every day. You could take walks or do excesise tapes...I know...It does not sound exciting.
But sometimes forcing oneself to do things just to do them can be frustrating. So try to do nothing and see what your gut feeling tells you...
blessing

Today was a terrible day for me, emotionally.

Just seems like everything is building up inside. Trying to keep it all together for the my kids and being all Dark and Plan B'ish, it's hurting.

Had to go to WalMart. Terrible snow, but I had to go, just had to get some throw rugs for the kitchen...

Get to WalMart and I start to have some kind of panic-attack. I start thinking 'what if they're here shopping for stuff for WH apartment?' 'why did I have to go out looking such a mess, what if he's here', all kind of crazy mental-stuff spinning round in my head.

Get my da*n rugs and get OUT! Sit in car and...waterworks...

I was sobbing so bad I couldn't catch my breath!

Then I start the screaming(at my invisible WH) as I'm driving down the highway (goodness I must've looked wacko. Redfaced, messy haired lady screaming in her car, shaking her head, driving in the snow like a maniac!) And I still had to stop and get DS2's dinner!

With the way my emotions are up and down and the mood swings...I don't know if it's post A or menopause, lol.

I almost called WH. Almost. However, I did do a drive-by(sorry, it was insanity I tell ya, insanity). I wondered if WH ever takes the long way home from work and drives by on the main road to look at OUR house?

I know this is only day 6 of coal-black darkness and I don't think I was cut out for being a BS.

I don't like having all this responsibility thrown on me. WS gets to live in a fresh new apartment, have a girlfriend(even if she is skanky), have no responsibilities toward home or children. He leaves with all these home improvement projects not done, a leaky bathtub fawcet that needs reworked(my water bill is going to be outrageous), in the dead of winter. See ya, Mitzie! Have a nice life! Take care of the boys! Keep up the house payments! Keep up the house maintenence! Wish me luck in my NEW LIFE! I'm FREE! I'm FREE! YIPEE! I feel used and abused and I can't help but be angry.

I want to call him. I want to scream in his face. I want to smack him into reality.

Instead I post and rant and b*t*h here. I don't care if anyone listens. It feels good to get it out.

Going to bed to read a new book: Transcending Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder by Dinnis Ortman, PhD. I remember when I used to read novels before bed...now look at me, all snuggled up with a cup of tea reading about Post Infidelity Stress Disorders

{{{{{{Mitzie}}}}} One day at a time. You can do it.

((( Mitzie )))

Have you made a "God Box" yet?

I recommend you make one.

You've got a lot to put inside.