Whether he read it or not(I too am on the side of it was read) doesn't matter. You are in Plan B and you shouldn't have known one way or the other. Plug up the hole.

I think Pep was the one who suggested the God box- it wasn't me.

Several people beat me to it, but that doesn't always stop me. The only response you needed to make to that whole thing is, "DS, I am always here for you to talk about your feelings, or things about this situation that make you mad, frustrated, etc. It is not right of your dad to have asked you to pass messages, and I'm sorry he put you in this position. In the future, if he asks you to pass a message, please just respectfully tell him that you aren't supposed to, and change the subject. Thanks, hon!"

Then don't spend one more second of your life worrying about the letter. Once you sent it, it wasn't your problem any more.

My WH can go days without checking his box at school and at the begging of my plan B i used to put his mail in it...now I just put "unknown" on it and send it back....
Anyway, he would not check it for a loooonnnggg while..He just did not want problems.
Still does not...I let him know today thru the IM that I agree on the price of the offer on the house as he does. I also asked him to tell the real estate agent...and he has not yet called her. She finally called me.
He does not even care about his own $$$$ interest!!! His brain is fried..It is so true...not thought process.
Yes he might not have read it cuz for now he wants no problem at all...but he will read it, I am sure.
Blessing

Mitzie, stick with plan B.
I am starting now to feel completely detached and do not care about WH any longer. I do not think i love him anymore.
However, things might turn out for the best for you and remember, there is no thought process and if there is, it is the most messed up and sick....
Stay dark!
blessing

Here is the Plan B letter I sent to WH. I hand wrote it from this copy. I'm sure some of it was long and drawn out, some of it was misleading and some of it could be misinterpreted, but I wrote it from my heart.

My Dearest Husband WH,

Today is your moving day and even as I put words to paper, I cannot believe I must write them to you.

I have made many, too many, mistakes in the past and cannot change those mistakes or take them back. I have made exceptionally poor judgment calls on my part when it comes to money and my total disrespect of it. I have also made mistakes in understanding how important your need of sexual intimacy is, I completely shut you out some of the time, and for this I will be forever sorry. Also, I have not been a very fun recreational partner; I could have tried harder on my part to participate more often in the outdoor activities and the sports you enjoy.

Only now have I been able to recognize those errors in judgments, actions and inactions. I have learned from them so very much. My understanding of those failings has honestly taken me with great effort to take steps that they will not happen again.

The changes I have made will carry with me the rest of my life, as I continue to grow and improve.

You have brought so much to my life. You and I have such a strong sexual chemistry, and every time I see you I want you. You have taught me to love and enjoy the outdoors more than I ever imagined possible. One of my greatest enjoyments is riding your Harley, all snuggled up with my arms around you.

I am more than truly sorry for helping create and feed this environment that made your affair possible. I am the one person who was responsible for meeting your most important needs; and by lacking the right judgment I did little to help in growing and sustaining our love for each other. I lost track of how important sex, financial security and fun leisurely activities are to you. I lost sight of these over the years. I now know I am more than able to meet those needs and lovingly enthusiactly do so.

WH,we have such a long and profound history together. From the way we met at (edit) house, to our first New Years Eve together at the hotel(remember the mess we left!). (edit) birth, where we thought either he or I wouldn�t make it. (edit) birth, you were so HAPPY he was a boy! Our first night in our new home, building the back deck, even you taking me on my first Harley ride�there are so many WH. Twenty years is a long time, we were there together, and we were always there for each other WH.Because I love you so much, these past two months have been very difficult for me. There is pain and deep sadness as I've seen you go to another woman again and again. WH, my love, because of the raw pain I feel every day, the conclusion I have come to is this - in order to protect what love I have left for you, I can no longer see you or talk to you until you end your adultery with OW.

WH, please believe this decision is not meant to hurt you. It is the only way that I can hold on to the love that I have for you. I don't want to lose that love. As soon as you are willing to permanently and unconditionally separate from OW, and get treatment for your alcohol abuse, I will be willing to discuss our future.

It's not too late for us.

I want us to rebuild our marriage and our family. We need to make a new lifestyle that we both enjoy, where we are both happy, and our marriage blossoms. I want to be your best friend and lover, and a wife that you would be proud to have. You know I have always loved you more than anything in life, and would die for you if need be. My love is deep, and my love is strong and I look forward to a wonderful future by your side.

Forever, your loving wife with smiles and ((hugs))�

I have been musing over this for an hour or two.

I know it's just a ploy to make me feel sorry for him. Here's what happened.

I get a call from my friend, the IM. She tells me she is worried about WH. Why, I ask. She thinks he might be suicidal. Where'd you here that from?, I ask.

WH called her and and told her to please call me to let me know 'He needs to really talk to me sometime' and 'he hates his pathetic life',blah blah.

I told her not to call me and tell me these things as I find them upsetting. IM said she understood but was worried about him and his mental health. I told her I really have no say in it, he doesn't live here anymore and he's not my problem. If something happens to him I'll deal with it then.

The IM thought I was being uncaring. I think I need a new IM. She was the only one who would do it.

on a lighter note: I just ate a Lean Cuisnine knock off called Lean Cafe from....where else but WALMART, lol. I was realllly good. Tasted just like LC, but way cheaper. Goodness, I should be on a freakin' comercial.

Do you think you could find a new IM because this one STINKS. Also, if she were to tell you that again, you tell her that if she is really worried about his suicide attempt, to call THE POLICE. If she ever actually does, then I would think that WH wouldn't try that one again.

So think think think. You need a new IM. Who could do it for you? Someone who could even do it just be email. Someone who would understand what their job is.

I agree! It's called denial.

Guess he read the letter, huh?

Yes, the old IreallyneedmyfixandwhenIgetitIcangobacktobeingawayturd.

I agree with Scotty, IM should have called 911 if she was really concerned.

WH is trying to manipulate in the worst way.

Didn't your letter explain HOW he could talk to you again?

I don't think feeling sorry for himself was in the list of requirements was it?

Stay dark hun.

PLEASE get a new IM ASAP. This IM does not get it. She is not even in the same universe as "get it." I would find someone who will remain completely neutral and who will agree to act as a SPAM filter who won't let any of this nonsense through. If your H calls the IM with suicide threats, she should call 911 and not let you know about it.

A bad IM can turn a bad situation into a NIGHTMARE by interfering and acting on her own accord. She can put you through hell by trying to intervene with her own agenda.

Exactly why I got my FOURTH one for my Plan B. I am CERTAIN that this one is the right fit.

Your WH might turn around soon. He misses you or something about the M.
But you really need a new IM. Do not wait.
blessing

@ ML:

I hope it wasn't ME that set afoot the thread on IM's??LOL. I have a new one in mind. Taking her to lunch on my day off & going to get her drunk then ask her...

ONLY KIDDING!!! I am hopeful she will do it. She's a friend and she is someone my WH won't bother or upset (harrasing phone calls & I don't think she even has txt on her phone) (she is 'too christian' for him, go figure.)

@Pepperband

I thought Scotland recomended the God Box, she said it was you, so I just want to give you a shout out:
THANK YOU!

Been putting all my concerns in there. Went to church, lit a candle and prayed. Gave everything to God's hands. I have been feeling at peace for some reason. Well, I KNOW the reason. I didn't even do a drive-by yesterday after work! Said to myself, 'Self, there's no reason to drive by his apartment. God's got him now and HE knows what he's doing."(unlike me) Thanks again for the suggestion.

Yes Mistzie. When you are in Plan B NO DRIVE BYS. Make me a PROMISE. Dunno if you have read my thread lately but you should only promise someone something that is within YOUR control to MAKE happen. So, NO DRIVE BYS. You CAN make that happen and you will feel much much better.

My pleasure.

Yo babes, I am back in toooon! Can see you are doing a magnificent job in Plan B, stop those dodgy drive bys though....

I have got an IM and have 'briefed' her silly, I think I have scared her off, lol. No I am sure she will be fine.

Be prepared for your H to break your PB terms, thats when you will need some strength.

Got a call today from a friend. Another friend of ours' who has been in a cancer battle lost her couragious fight for life.

I was at work and WH stopped by house. Told DS2 he was getting clothes to go to a funeral. Great. This friend was also friends with OW.

I am torn. This woman was a dear friend. WH and I knew her and her husband very, very well. Our oldest children went to school together and played baseball together. I can not NOT go to the funeral. That would be disrespectful to her memory of her and her family. It is a short morning viewing followed by buriel service on Thursday.

WH and OW will definitly be there. What to do?

oh, and that was the FIRST time WH saw DS2 since Christmas and he stayed all of 15 minutes DS2 said! Hasn't seen DS2 since I don't know when. sad.

wow. you and I are close to same age. How terrible to lose a close friend, I feel sorry for you.

I have no idea how to advise you. But I wanted to mention that I am thinking about you.

Understand that seeing him (and OW together) is really, really going to send you back.

I'm so sorry. This is a hard time for you.

Go to the viewing only during hours when WH is likely to be at work. Do not go to the funeral. Send a note to the grieving family, telling them how dear your friend was to you, and sharing a few memories.

Then proceed with Plan B and your own healing/grieving process.