Wow! Thanks, Neak and SugarCane! I appreciate the bump!

So, here is the latest in my "drama".

I am supposed to be moving into an apt next month and he is supposed to move back to the house. He is now starting to hedge a little and talking reconciliation. I know that Financial Security is his most important emotional need. I am just worried that it is his only motivation. I mentioned on AEK's hijacked thread (sorry again!) that I will have a list of demands in order to accept any sort of reconciliation. NC being the most important. However, I also found a marriage retreat that I am considering making non-negotiable. What do you all think of that? I have been burned by him one too many times to fully trust in this. I told my IC last night that I am "hopefully optimistic" but scared out of my mind at the same time. I am tired of this roller coaster and I want off one way or the other!

As for sitting down with her, I want her to know once and for all that No Contact means No Contact and I want to be there to be sure that she knows that I will make her life H3LL if she doesn't go away this time! I have not had much leverage because he has repeatedly said that he doesn't know what he wants. If he commits, I will expose her for the manipulative little witch that she is to everyone that she has ever met or even may meet in the future! I want her to know that I mean business!!!

I know that recovery is a long road but I want to be sure that he is in this as much as I am since up until this point he hasn't been AT ALL!!

Any more advice??

Hi Hun,

nice to see you again!

I understand about wanting to confront her....in my book, yeah maybe you should but........... NOT with WH, if he wants to recover he does it your way.

The way the vets say. NC letter that he writes and you approve.

For me if you choose to take a friend and confront her, tell her the way it is....then do. Tape it though.

I never did cos I knew that would make her ring, he'd go all KISA and it would put things back, but thats cos I know my H, and as she was my friend, I knew what she would do and that wasn't worth it.

She's scared of me........has been for years.....knows I would tell everyone she f*****d my H in a public toilet.

Thats not a good look for a yummy mummy

Game playing......Art of War on Indie's thread

Yeah, in terms of war strategy there's nothing you can say to her that will be as hurtful as your h dumping her by letter.

If you seem mad, you are giving your fear of her away. Making her see you are threatened. It makes her feel she has won.

Is she going to feel as motivated to chase him after the A-bomb letter? Meanwhile you havent even confronted her, gosh you arent even slightly WORRIED. Do you know what that knowledge will do to the average insecure skank?

Thats what makes the NC letter so cool. God I hope I get to do it.

Revenge is a dish best served cold, by him, while you laugh your socks off in the kitchen.

She wants you mad, or at least expects it. She took your H!

Dont give her ammo to play victim to you h either, you are not a bully, you are the caring, loving, superior UNTOUCHABLE wife.

You are so right! He has sent her the NC letter twice though and it hasn't worked. I was woken up with reality last night when he said that "He doesn't want to make any promises that he can't keep" when I told him NC or I'm out.

He can't do it! I am fighting a losing battle and he is going to be with her n our casino Friday night watching his favorite band. I am done! Plan B in full effect starting August 8th when I move out!

I am so hurt and devastaed right now. I don't understand how the man that meant everything to me could continue to hurt me so deeply!

I am moving out in 2 weeks and he is moving back to our house. He has once again started NC with her but he still says that he doesn't want our marriage. I am trying to give him space, which I think right now is his greatest need.

How do I go about "holding on" to hope when he keeps telling me that he doesn't want me? Help!

What am I missing? Why are you moving out?

What will happen to the children?

"Space" is only a "need" when someone wants to carry on an affair. There is no such thing as a need for "space" in marriage, because "space" is destructive to marriages.

I would go into Plan B ASAP. But why are you moving out? And who will have the kids?

H and I share the kids 50/50. Currently, I am in the home and he is in an apt. We are switching, at my request, in 2 weeks.

"Space" is the only thing that he seems to be wanting. I guess Plan B is my only choice. It's the only chance I have left, I think.

Can somebody help me with how to accomplish a solid Plan B?

I would not advise that YOU leave the home. He should be the one to move out. And who cares what he wants? What is important right now is what is best for you and your children. He can get "space" to carry on his affair when you shut the door in a dark Plan B and change the locks.

How come you are leaving the home? And is there a court order in place mandating 50/50? Is that in your childrens best interest to be with your wayward husband so much?

Do you have the book Surviving an Affair? Do you understand how to do Plan B?

do not leave your home

leaving the home does not end the affair

leaving the home will only hurt you when you have to go to plan d

Yes, I read SAA and HNHN. We both have very different needs and H tells me that we are incompatible due to that.

We are already seperated, so I have no real right to ask anything of him. H has repeatedly told me that he does not want to work on our marriage. Has anyone else here had that situation and still been able to save their marriage?

As for the moving out decision, that is my choice to not be in our home. It was always sort of his house anyway and I want to be able to remove myself from any triggers that are in the house. She was my BF, so she and her kids spent lots of time at our house.

I guess what I am wondering is do I go to Plan B?

Thanks in advance!

Absolutely! Just use the letter in Surviving an Affair. Here is a thread that can give you an overview of Plan B. How to Plan B