Well it turns out she wasn't just late again tonight. She has decided it was OK for the son to have a sleep over at his friends house (on my scheduled night with the kids). My IM informed me that he hadn't read the message properly and forgot to mention the sleepover bit. Not much I can do about it now but have once again requested her to stick to the schedule days we have in place.

However... this was still my night with the kids

I don't know if she does this intentionally to just provoke me or whether she just doesn't think. Damn those aliens.

If you are in plan B why are you telling WW about invitations? That's a big no no.

Tell IM that future requests by WW to change schedule are to be responded with delay to tell WW, NO!

Guys i have stuffed up big time... why why why did i do this.... why why why have i undone all my hard work.

My IM came over last night and has been have a few problems with his wife as well and i felt absolutely terrible for him, because i felt so bad i communcated with my WW to give him a break....

and have i learnt my lesson....

She is not the person i remember.

She was hurtful, horrible and outright nasty. I know once again my love account for her has gone down again.

I am such a idiot. I haven't listen to the vets, i did it my way, i need some 2x4's
She continues to play by her rules, hold the children, and manipulate me. Now where to?

WesH,

First stop is your lawyers to force her to live up to the legal agreements and time schedules. You are not going to fix her, so make sure you get your life fixed and that means having your children when you are supposed to with NO EXCUSES.

God Bless,

JL

Darn it, Wes. She's being a tool with your IM because she's not in control! Stop giving her that control!

I'm going to come over there and shake you in a minute...

Well here it comes.. why is exposure so important, why is stopping the affair so important.

My WW is now happily pregnant.

Couldn't be more heartbroken at this moment.

You said she is happily pregnant , while this does not remove the hurt or pain she is imposing on you review the following: she is still married to you, her affair man is home one day a week, where does happily come into it, wait till baby comes how happy will she be then.

I am sorry to hear this has happened to you.

Take this time to decide what you want, in the interim you enforce the scheduled arrangement of child visitations. You can only feel sad for her as I suspect this is not a planned pregnancy and the penny will drop, even in her affair world she will never trust the OM.

Keep to the high ground and Plan B, this is designed to protect you, fight for every moment of your children, if your children ask do not lie, tell them you and their mother are married and she cheating with the OM. Always tell your children the truth.

Wes I am so sorry to hear this about your WW.

You should now take some time to decide what YOU wish to do and what you need to consider.

Sadly Australian family law will allow the OM rights and access regardless of the wishes or even future wishes of your WW and yourself. It is something you will now have to take into account when you consider your future.

I can only advise that you take YOUR time and keep NC in firm place no matter what before you action any decision.

Oh, Wes. I don't even know what to say to this. I'm so sorry.

Remember the boys, friend. You'll be okay. I know it doesn't seem that way right now.

Am I Psychic, psycho or both?

Today is 30 days later.

I'm working on the mega million dollar numbers for February 25. Hope I figure them out in time to share with you all Mber's.

You were right TheRoad, but this was no lottery and there were only losers. What can i say.

That you will stop dragging your feet and follow the advice of the long time pro's here.

Cant see any happening now here... i appreciated all the help everybody gave.

Just about to log out but had to say this.

Your WW could still of gotten knocked up by the OM even if you did everything the right way without any delay, foot dragging.

The thing is instead of fighting with the best odds possible for you to recover your marriage your actions gave the OM the best odds to beat you and take your WW.

Whether or not who wins now who knows?

The thing is if you get your WW back know you will be getting an OC back with her.

A 2 for 1 sale.

Well MB can still help you recover but, as before MB only helps improve one's odd of success not guarantee success.

No BH wants an OC, but many have accepted the OC as a part of their family.

WesH,

I am so sorry and so mad...at you, more at your WW, and at the OM.

But, my anger is going to turn to you if you don't get your butt in gear and start acting like a father and a man.

Enforce the visitation with your children, no excuses, no nothing, Get the law involved. You need to stand up and start taking control of your life and not let your WW control it.

That means you are a good father to your children, that means you see them as much or more than you have been allotted. That means you go to work on YOUR life and where YOU want to be in it. It does not mean you allow your WW to have much say in it.

IF and WHEN she wakes up she will realize the mistakes she has made and the pain she has caused. My bet is OM doesn't want to be a full time daddy. My bet is OM will get real tired of your W harping at him to be home more to help take care of his child. My bet is that you will get to make some hard choices.

Here is what I do know. YOU are in no way strong enough, good enough, or prepared enough to make the hard decisions that are coming. You are way to weak on your boundaries, you are way too weak in knowing right from wrong, you are way too weak right now to be a good father to your children much less an OC.

Your job and I mean right now is to get your life straight. Get your mind straight, your morals straight, and you backbone back in place. Frankly, you should be ready and willing to walk away from her and the mess she has made. Until you are you will NOT be ready to be strong enough to remain with her IF YOU CHOSE TO DO SO.

Young man, it is gut check time. You have many OPPORTUNITIES in front of you and frankly you are not prepared to use any of them.

Reverse the cranial transplant, look at your life, look at your values, your morals, and the DATA before you. And become a man that can be strong enough to make the right decisions.

To date, you have failed to do that over and over, and in your paralysis, you have failed your family, yourself, and yes your W.

Am I being clear enough for you? Get it together, you are going to have some hard decisions to make and you do have some time to make them. She won't figure what a mess she is in for at least a week and perhaps not until the baby arrives. Prepare yourself Wes, please.

God Bless,

jL

Thank you JustLearn,

I will take it all on board.
As you pointed out I am aware of my weakness and strengths, priorities will now change and the focus is just on the boys and myself. It truely is a big mess.

Wes.

Wes I suspect you will be required to sooner rather than later to make a firm decision on your WW. Listen to JL on that.

I spoke to a friend of ours who runs some FIFO operations in North WA and his info is that these guys relationships are divided into about 45% with solid long term relationships or marriages (and some of those fail) and 55% who continuously crash and burn relationships between 6 and 18 months. There is I suspect way too much $$$ and way too many temptations.

I would further suspect he'll run when its no longer "fun" ... for him. He'll want to fly in.. have fun and get blasted ... not rub swollen feet... listen to oh my back and so on ... let alone the kids wanting mummy's attention.
Its doomed is my guess.

It is a players lifestyle for many and the OM is definitely a player.

get yourself up and moving... read JL's post ... again... get YOU right. Then when YOU have got yourself together ... determined and strong enough for whatever .... YOU decide your future instead of allowing your WW to dictate and manipulate.

Do not be surprised if WW's fantasy crashes sooner than you think. YOUR job is to ensure your kids and you are ok.. in good spirits.. stable as possible... and loving.

Your WW? it is a wait and see. YOU get to decide what YOU want ... but I would recommend you do what JL has suggested before you DO or DECIDE anything in regards to her.

I do not think you are ready to make any such decision right now... the emotions are still running wild and so is the pain and hurt. Wes get yourself off the ground... shake the dust off... begin recovery of YOU. JL is a pretty smart fella in these circumstances .. in doubt of what or how .. ask!!

again I am sorry it has come to this. but it is now what you need to deal with.
take care

With your WW now pregnant by the OM this affair will last another 9 months to a year before WW realizes that the OM can't be a good dad and husband and what she is going to lose by divorcing.

Once again guys thankyou so much for your support during my hard times.

My WW managed to get my new mobile number and sen t me a nice text

"If you damage the boys anymore psychologically, i wont be so nice. Do not bad mouth me or OM"

So there is the WW rubbish mouth at it again - it is sad to see a wife and my best friend go from a loving caring person to somebody on a path of self destruction.

I have had the weekend to put a few thoughts in place. I have made a appointment to go and see my broker and I am going to buy my family home. It was something I never wanted to do as my WW will be getting a significant amount of money and unfortunately it will help her financially with the affair. My reasons for this are simple. At this moment she is happy with a 50/50 split of assets. If it was to go to court the split would probably be more likely 60/40 or 65/35. If this happens i would be unable to afford the family home.

I know i could probably get a small home but moving back there has been good for me. Yes there has been some memories that flood back from time to time but overall i am so much happier here than when i was in the remtal for 4 months. It will definately help my mental health.

My IM has worked overtime with rosters, arrangements and has done everything possible for me to avoid her at all costs and give me some peace.

I feel there is a difference now with a Plan B, when i still wanted her to make contact and Plan B now, where really i don't. Does this mean my Love balance has expired....??? Im not sure, my feelings now for her are more a sadness towards her and the life she is pursuing. I always have hope, it is just part of my personality.

Once again thanks so much for all the comments.

if she sent you a message on your new mob number you have hers now.... BLOCK IT RIGHT NOW... at the very least by opening it and reading the message you are breaking Plan B and yes you are loosing all in the LB every time ... and its not good for you even if you now want a D.

Keep away from her madness for YOUR mental health Wes.

Let her sink because she will sooner or later.

Remember.. YOU and the KIDS. They need one stable parent at the least.

Just BLOCK HER NUMBER if your software allows it .. if not possible then recognise the number and CHECK before opening all of your mail....if hers DELETE do not read. If worried about missing an import message re the kids fwd to your mate without reading it.

Don't torture yourself Wes.