F?WH says he wants to work on marriage,doesn't want to separate, won't ever do it again, but why should I believe him? I believed him the first time he gave me a ring "as a sign of his love and fidelity" And I believed everything he told me over the 6 - 10 years he was lying to me and living a secret double wife with the OW. I used to think he was somewhat gullible. I guess I was the gullible one. Now I wonder why would I want to continue living with him. He really is not the person I thought he was for the twenty years we were married before I found out. for those of you who recovered, what kept you from just kicking him out and starting over with someone else? or by yourself?

I think that reason is different for everyone, I just listened to my gut feeling in the beginning that's all we have, and I think for me I was still in love, I hated what he had done but our marriage wasn't the best and even though an affair wasn't the answer it opened my eyes.......
We had also been married 22 years at the time and I just thought do I throw away all those years because of some relationship that only last a couple of months, was this enough to throw it all away..............it wasn't just me, I thought about my children and the lessons I could show them about forgiveness and working hard and not being a quitter.
That doesn't mean that I haven't thought about throwing in the towel many times.
I think you are right the belief we had in place about our lives is shattered by all this and the vow we spoke and believed in was thrown out like it meant nothing.....that hurts and makes us wonder what worth or value we have now..
I think often maybe my husband wasn't who I thought he was, maybe that was just in my mind the man I chose to think he was.
but he is changing how he is acting and what he is saying and that seems to be enough for me to keep going for now, no one knows the future, I never thought I would be in this place, all I can say is if you can imagine your life without him and starting over then go for it, if it hurts to think of that and you want to give it one last try then go for it, all out, and just see what life can be if you both work at it.............does one mistake dictate the rest of your life............only if you let it.....

Hi 6yearsoftie

Your story sounds horridly like mine and I agree.........there are lots of times I just want to give up, it's really hard work and feels so unfair that I put so much work in and he seems to just toddle along saying the right things and taking taking taking.

Yup some days it really is why bother, other days it's not. sometimes I just go through the stuff I wouldn't have if I gave up, somedays thats enough, other days are just hard.

Good luck