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L2L, I had an RO against my exH. He followed me 3000 miles to harass me. I had him thrown in jail 6 TIMES, the final of which was on our divorce date, and he finally...
get this...
shot the girl he dated after me.
RUN LIKE YOUR HAIR IS ON FIRE.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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Its hard to walk away after investing so much of yourself in something....very understandable.
But...
You have kids to think about.
Do you want them growing up in an environment where this man could conceivably "snap" and grab a knife and kill you in front of them?
Or God forbid....kill them...or all of you?
No normal, sane person actually says to another person--especially someone that they're supposed to love---
"If I wanted to hurt you, I've always got the kitchen knives to do it."
You can call the police, regardless of WHEN it occurred. They can tell you whether or not you've past some deadline for reporting.
At the very least, reporting it to them even if they can't do anything right now creates a "record of contact" with them.
Its another shovel of dirt on his coffin, because by acting like he is and saying the things hes saying, he's just burying himself when it comes time for divorce.
And don't allow him to ask for Joint Custody. SOLE custody is your only option with an unstable individual. And consider asking for supervised visits for awhile too.
If he can harm you by harming your kids...I wouldn't put it past him to do it, from the sounds of it.
FWH 36 EA/PA NC & D-day 12/21/10
FWW 36 EA / NC & D-day 12/8/10
Married: 12+ years
Together: 17+
Kids: x3
Working together to be better than ever!
There's only the sound of the rain
All the hope and glory
All of the sacrifice in vain
And if love remains
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price
But we will not count the cost
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After all the texting back and forth...i finally said, im not responding anymore because you are getting mad and that is not my intention. he responds..."what the hell do you want?"...ive made it very plain and simple and it isnt wants or demands but necessity that he give me those things (no OW, access to all accts, counseling). why does he have to even ask? i didnt respond btw.
Me 29
WH 35
M on 1/14/06
D4 & S2.5
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true. is it weird for me to say i am scared to do it again? is this a marriage that cant be saved? everybody is telling me to walk away, and i have a hard time accepting divorce as the answer. and it isn't because im afraid of being on my own, its more of a religious aspect you know? The God you respect is not a God who would have you place yourself and your kids at the mercy of an unbalanced individual who would harm you.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: Oct 2009
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as i see a police car drive by my front window...yes, i want to flee WHAT IS STOPPING YOU???
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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thank you bliss, that was exactly the right words. im through.
Me 29
WH 35
M on 1/14/06
D4 & S2.5
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thank you bliss, that was exactly the right words. im through. Living2Love, I have been so tied up in my own stitch I haven't had time to catch up on yours. I posted on your other thread a while ago and found that you started this new one. You haven't posted in over a week. I hope you are ok.
BW 46
XWH 46
Boys 17 & 19
Girls 16 & 10
D-day #1 12/2006 (confessed affair in 2004 w/BF & his wife)
D-day #2 10/2008 (denied by XWH)
D-day #3 10/2010
Kick WH out 01/2011 he files for D
D finally final 03/2012
I'm free!
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letgoletGod
I posted a new thread in divorcing/divorce. please read
Me 29
WH 35
M on 1/14/06
D4 & S2.5
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L2L:
My wxh went insane one day, during a false recovery, when I found in his gym bag a pink harley davidson baseball cap which belonged to the ow and signaled the ema was back on.
He went crazy and pushed me down a flight of stairs then when he realized he had injured MY arm, he threatened harm to himself with a firearm. I called the police and the next day and left with our son and our pets and everything I could fit into the suv.
Please, please get out. Saving a marriage is backseat to SAVING LIVES. Please know that God wants YOU to protect your kids and yourself right now. If you have fear, that is a GOD-GIVEN instinct and it's meant for you to detect harm. ACT on it now and leave and file another RO!
Sometimes a ws can react with anger and hate when their actions are either exposed, or their affair toys or things are taken away from them because they are selfish plain and simple. When they act out in anger to you or threaten harm to you, it is simply the ultimate act of disrespect. Do not take this.
And they sometimes get even more angry, if they have had anger control issues like it would seem your wh has had in the past. About a year after I left my wh (we were separated living about two miles away from each other), he broke into my home an hour before I was to be home from work. He was caught by my neighbor, was chased by the police at gunpoint in a golf club subdivision, something they'd never seen before, and went to jail.
He was angry because we'd had a divorce hearing and he found out that I'd get more custody and that he'd have to be fair in the division of assets. Go figure. He was mad because I took in his minds' eye, his toys away. He ended up aslo stealing my rolex watch in that break-in and the next month the ow miraculously wound up with a different watch...a rolex. Not mine, but was probably traded by him and yes, I exposed that too.
I divorced him and he never changed and never got help. He ended up marrying the ow, and has hit her on several occasions, and even committed an act of physical violence against HER private eye, when he was caught cheating again about two years ago.
Unless a person like that has serious mental health care, they cannot change on their own. The only thing which can change right now is YOU taking responsibility for yourself and the children and taking yourselves out of harms' way and reporting the ws/offender to the police.
Trust me, God wants you to protect yourself. Even my minister told me that and encouraged me to leave him. Don't try to bogart faith and make it a lame excuse to stay in a dangerous situation, endangering your children too.
Last edited by peachyisback; 02/05/11 11:43 AM.
Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right. ~Jane Goodall
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i think an actual altercation has to occur and you have to call the police right then...and there is no way i will be able to do that with him here. i dont know if they will issue another OP in such short amount of time seeing as it was just lifted on wednesday. i wish you guys could see the stuff he texts me, its craziness. this morning after i posted originally, he send a message "do you want to go out tonight?" REALLY? why so you can kill me without our children seeing?? i told him the only place i want to go with him is to counseling. and when i lay the truth about some things he says, he can only come back with "whatever" why? because you cant argue against truth. well you can, but you look like a lunatic.
ASK to speak to someone about domestic violence and threats.
SHOW the threatening texts to someone IN PERSON.
ASK what your options are.
GET yourself educated about what protection is available.
Do not GUESS what is available, find out.And, NEVER Plan A your WH.
He is not safe.PLAN B .... for PROTECTION.ASK the police for references to local women's shelters.
Call them.
They can give you a whole lot of information about family law and ways to protect yourself and your kids.
You are not safe.
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STOP speaking/texting with WH.
If necessary, ONLY answer direct questions with "yes" or "no" or "I don't know".
Do not argue/discuss or otherwise engage.
It is POINTLESS to have discussions with a man who threatens to harm you, and then later calls and asks you out for a date.
If you continue to engage in conversations with WH, I, and perhaps the other MB forum members, will know you are not serious about getting help.
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Pep and others; an FYI
Her H has taken the kids for their visit and now refuses to return them. Please see the thread in Divorced/divorcing.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Pep and others; an FYI
Her H has taken the kids for their visit and now refuses to return them. Please see the thread in Divorced/divorcing. Above my pay grade .....
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