soblue, if I did not live in a no fault state; I would have instantly countersued due to adultery and would have had no hesitation about naming the OW in the suit. It would have been justified.
Do it!!!

Take out the last paragraph only use that one u decide to file, do not threaten him with that because either way YOU WILL sue

Overall it was good just take that last para out

soblue, your letter is GREAT! I would take out this paragraph entirely, though, because you want the letter to be a love letter. He will pull it out and read it in the future.

I would not THREATEN to countersue on grounds of adultery, I would PROMISE to do it. You need to do if he files for divorce REGARDLESS. Don't use it as bargaining tool. IT needs to be done.

I would send him a text today and say "I wanted to give you fair warning I have recieved legal counsel and will be countersuing on grounds of adultery. The OW will be subpeonaed to give testimony and both of your cell phone and email records will be subpoenaed in discovery. You should know there will be no cooperation. Also, our sons know that you are abandoning us for an adulterous affair. I insist you don't ever expose Son to your affair. Much love, soblue"

See, he thinks you will cooperate and roll over so he can replace you. You need to disabuse him of that notion now!! You don't blackmail or make threats, you simply PROMISE: "here is how it is going to be."

soblue, text him this message TODAY and then go dark in Plan B tomorrow.

Who is Nana? Is this someone who is neutral and will remain neutral? That is the KEY to choosing an intermediary. If this is his mother, that would not be a good choice.

I'm a little confused??? I text him today with the the information on counter suit and then when do I give him the love letter? Isn't he going to be angry with the text and then the letter won't matter?

I feel like I might be slipping into a black hole, any suggestions on how to get out of that bad place emotionally?

Yes by texting him that thing melody told you to text and send him the plan B letter.

You ok soblue?

soblue -

I have just read your thread and your getting some really good advice from some of the experts. The way they deal with affairs here really does work, so have faith!

It is quite tough what you are going through and I really do feel for you, but try and put your WH out of your mind, follow the plan. You will get some peace shortly.

I hope you don't mind me saying but your H comes across as quite manipulative and controlling, you are obviously intimidated by him. You have to not get drawn into his psycho babble it will put you off course, and send you into a tail spin. So have MINIMAL contact with him, get yourself into Plan B, and let all hell break loose in affair land.

There will be plenty of time to reflect once your in Plan B.

Send him the Plan B letter, pack all his stuff so it is outside your home, and change the locsk so he can't get in!

As he is quite controlling he will hate this part, but you can't have him walking in and out of the house.

Once you have completed these steps you will get stronger emotionally. Your H is messing with your head at the moment, thats why.

Hi,

It's been a while since my last post. I sent the letter to his principal and she had a meeting with him last week. Not sure what was said but he called me and was very unhappy. He didn't talk to me for 2 days and then he started texting me asking for a copy of the letter. He texted me twice and when I didn't respond he sent me an email asking me to attach a copy of the letter. He didn't show up to take son to his appointments today and said that I would have to do it. I replied that I couldn't he replied "are you going to give me a copy of the letter?" I called up the grandparents and they stepped up to the plate for us.

I haven't responded to any of his texts or requests. He told me after the meeting with the principal that I'd better make sure I had a lawyer because our marriage was over and if I didn't have a lawyer that I would be served by a sheriff. I am not sure but I'm thinking he put through the paperwork. Maybe I'll have a sheriff visit soon.

I got the bank statements today and I noticed that he cleared our savings account the day after I made him leave. He put most of it back in at the end of the month. Very curious. He kept $5,000 to himself. Wondering if that could be the lawyer retainer.

I am feeling stronger by the day. He can't destroy me the way he used to. Not to say that I won't have some bad days in the near future but I feel like I'm getting stronger every day.

You need to secure any of your marital money that is rightfully yours. Have you done this yet?

Are you going to send him a copy of the exposure letter?


How are you proceeding financially?

He kept 5,000 from savings? You gonna tell his parents about that? What can I do to help?

I'm guessing he opened his own account-
maybe you should too??????

Good job, soblue! Thanks for the update.

Melodylane and others who have followed the story-
Soblue's husband is contacting me asking who she named in the exposure letter at work. He thinks I am putting her up to this (exposure)
And thinks I read the letter and wants me to tell him exactly what was said.
Do I respond to him?
I don't think she has anything to hide in what she said. It was an honest account of the situation. So why not tell him what it said?
But he should have asked his supervisors to see the letter if it mattered to him. I suspect he wants to know cause he wants to try to use it against her in court and he is so wayward he wants to protect his OW (possibly more than one)

Soblue- hope you don't mind me asking on your thread. If I start a new thread folks won't understand the background. I want to support your exposure efforts.

I would GLADLY send him the letter! Tell him you wish you could take credit for that awesome letter, but the credit belongs solely to soblue.

Haha. I dont have the letter. She really did write it
Just spoke on phone with him and he is mad that I agree with her decision to send the letter to work.
He said his "girlfriend" is now doubting and questioning him based on the letter and things my husband said. Oh he is so mad right now.

Oh, WAA WAA! The life of a wayward is just so hard!! LOL!

Hi,

I guess the letter is putting some pressure on. I put in the letter that there were previous accusations and now I was wondering if they may be true. I also listed two friends that knew about the affair but would cover for him.

He is now harassing my sister-in-law wondering who is mentioned in the letter. He has emailed me a few times requesting a copy of the letter. I have ignored the requests. He says that his union will get him a copy of the letter on Tuesday and wants it now so that he is prepared to answer any questions. He also wants to know so that he can sleep. He is very worried about losing his job and the fate of his friends.

He is saying that I am crazy and making up things about him. Nothing in that letter is a lie. He is very angry at me. Won't talk or look at me when we are at events for son.

I am feeling very conflicted. I don't want him to see the letter because I am worried about his reaction when he realizes that I named his friends. On the other hand, he is feeling very uncomfortable right now, which is what we wanted right?

Any advise?????

Stay calm and KNOW that what you said was TRUE.

You did the right things and if your WH and his friends did inappropriate things, you exposing that was not what got them into trouble. If he gets mad, remember that you did what was best for your family and your marriage.

Let exposure do it's work.

I wouldn't give him the letter in advance if he is getting a copy anyways. He is worried that his friends will get mad at him. Well, too bad. It isn't YOUR fault. You did NOTHING wrong in this.