Is living well.

Perhaps some of the former betrayed can share their stories of living well.

I'm feeling pretty good today.

I bought a brand new car and I'm thrilled with it.

You see, when I was married to my WXW, I always settled for the junky cars with tons of miles.

5 years ago, after my D (gosh, has it really been that long!), I left the AF and found myself unemployed, living with friends when I'd otherwise be homeless, broke, newly betrayed and divorced, and separated from my kids.

All I literally had was an old car, a cat that wasn't really mine, and some old furniture in storage.

Today?

Great job. Brand new big house. New car. Get to see kids regularly, despite my ex's best efforts.

But the topper?

Married to an awesome woman that's a much better match for me and gets along great with my family, who really loves her. They never got along well with my ex.

The cool thing? The kids were really excited about the new car and my DD wanted to call my ex to tell her all about it when she took the car out for a test drive with my wife.

Life is good right now. I will be thankful to the Lord or risk losing it all!

Isn't that what you want to happen? The kids talking about the "new" mom to Mom? LOL. That is what gets under their skin.

Give me time. I'll be where your at. Life will get better for me as soon as I get through this D.

My experience is much the same as yours. I still have the old car -- both of them, actually -- WAS HERZ (see my thread) and mine. And the leftover cat.

But everything else is on the upswing. I have become an equal partner in a once-successful (so to be again) software company, I'm running regularly, and have started dating again.

There are no ties that bind WxW and me, so I'm doing the best I can to put her as a diminishing image in my rear-view mirror.

living a better life than the one you had and being grateful for that gift is the best revenge, I'm so happy you come this far............stay happy............

Five years seems like such a long time when you are in the midst of Plan A or preparing Plan B or even expecting Plan D. When I take a step back and realize that I have been dealing with smaller versions of today's issues for the past 3 years I realize that 5 years is not that very long...

It does bring me joy when I hear stories from BS where there is a happy ending. Sometimes that ending includes a FWS and sometimes it includes an XWS but there are happy ending out there for us regardless.

I finished reading this morning "The Best is Yet to Come" by Ivana Trump. Yes, it''s a little dated, but Ivana has some good advice about moving forward after divorce due to an affair. And we all know how the affairage turned out between The Donald and Marla Maples. And I believe Ivana is currently going through divorce #3. I'm sure she took her own advice and had prenumps for the last two husbands. The bottoline is that Ivana has had a lot of life since her much publicized divorce. Granted life would be much easier with a multimillion dollar settlement. Her words were "Don't get even. Get everything."

Hey Papa:

It has been an eventful five years hasn't it?

I am glad that things are going so much better for you. That is ultimately what MB is about, Surviving the Affair. It might mean you recover your marriage, but most importantly, yourself.

And you have done that.

She will, and certainly make notice of, your improvement in life. And realize that SHE could have been part of it. So, expect her to ask for MORE becasue you have survived, in spite of her...

LG

My "best revenge" pointed at the OW ???

Our awesome marriage today !!!


The OWH's "best revenge" pointed at OM? (Mr Pep)
Their awesome marriage (hopefully) today.

Happiness is the best revenge.
Whether or not the offending person ever knows how happy we are.

What I am coming to appreciate recently, more and more, is how to enjoy and respect the PROCESS of recovery.

Those that don't, don't usually wind up with happiness as their best revenge.

There is no end game.
There is process.
Always process.

The real fun of doing a jig-saw puzzle is putting it together, not so much looking at it once it is completed.

The really rewarding part of POJA is doing it.
Not so much the actual joint decision, but the joy of working together.

So, I'd like to add this.

The best revenge is learning to enjoy/appreciate/ and commitment to, the process of recovery. No matter what the outcome of the marriage may be.

I am so happy for you helpthelostdads. I am in the middle of the storm but getting better every day. After reading everything you have gone through I won�t complain about my stitch!

Your comments about your new car made me think of my car. A few months ago our car died. We needed to get a new car. Given the fact that WH drives to and from work every day (doesn�t work now) and I do a lot of driving around town with the kids, he would drive the new car and I would drive the old SUV. At the time the plan was to try to make the SUV last as long as possible. When the old car died I was sad because I didn�t really like the SUV and would have rather had that die. I had an attachment to the car. We had that through 2 moves. Over the past couple of months I got to appreciate the SUV and now hope it doesn�t die! Going through what I have been through has made me realize how much has gone on in the SUV. Great times riding around and hopefully many more. There were road trips, carpooling to and from school, youth group field trips, ball games etc. I can�t even tell you how many kids have been in that car. It is about 12 years old, has over 150000 miles, has dings, is never fully cleaned out but everyone loves to ride in it. We always have fun. We call it the green monster. In the future if things don�t work I could make him give me the new car but you know what? I would rather keep the green monster.

Glad to hear all that! Sometimes during recovery I would play the song by Fischerspooner called "The Best Revenge" and its that same message (and seems to be about infidelity too!)

I just posted my update (3 years out) on LL123(?)s thread asking divorced BSs to answer questions.

Living well really is the best revenge......

I hope people keep posting on this thread because its just what I need right now. As of yesterday, I have entered plan B for the second time with WH. I don't think he'll ever get it or change, but my recovery must be my priority. Lately I have seen myself spiraling out of control and losing myself.

I believe I can be happy again but for the most part right now I'm so down in in the dumbs that it just seems like it'll never happen!

Keep posting your stories please!

For those who are struggling:

I went to a group called DivorceCare and it was great. It's religiously based, but it isn't so much that it's a turn off if you're not religious.

I made good friends there and it helped me find support for my healing.

This ordeal hurts. It literally damages your heart. It's easy to say, "get over it" but I know as others know that it's not so easy.

The only thing I can tell you is that time will make things better. There comes a point where you don't even think of the wayward spouse anymore and you simply continue with your life.

Some of you may recover quicker than I did. I was in a situation where I didn't have friends or family nearby and I had to build all of that from scratch. I now have good friends that live nearby and remarried.

So if this thread offers hope, then that's good. I'll bump it now and then.

On a side note:

One of the best side benefits I had from all of this was the rediscovery of my faith. I'm not an overly religious person, but I did re-examine my beliefs and where they come from and took inventory of where I stand. I realize that one of the biggest mistakes I made with my WXW was that I ignored our lack of compatability in faith. She didn't believe in God at all and had no faith.

I'm not saying this in criticism of people without faith. I'm saying that that is an area that you really need to be compatible in whether you believe or not.

How could I expect her to hold a sacred covenant cemented with God holy when she didn't believe in God? See what I mean?

I made this an important aspect of my reentry into the dating scene. My wife is Protestant and I'm Catholic, but she believes in God and is converting. She will value the promise to God.

It has helped to get involved in my church again. I encourage you to find that in your own life if it was once a part of your life.

I think it a blessing in itself just to be able wake in the morning and not feel rotten. I have a long way to go until I am fully recovered but every day is a little bit better than the day before.
I think what is encouraging is, I am starting to feel like myself again. I�ve been a zombie for so long�.it�s great to care about what the day brings, to care about my job, to look forward to Spring�. all without her.
I hope the day comes when I can look at her or talk to her and not have any animosity whatsoever. Because then I will know I am truly healed.

But what happened to the cat????

Right now my cat is with WH because I'm currently squatting at a place where the cat cannot be. I miss him! (the cat)

The cat? I left it at her doorstep one day after she repeatedly refused to take it back. It was HER cat when we were married. So I dropped the kids off at her place one day and asked her to take her cat back. She refused. So I went to my car, grabbed the carrying case with the cat in it, and left it at her doorstep. She flipped me off as I drove away, but it felt good.

I feel bad for the cat, looking back, since she didn�t keep it, but it felt good to stand up for myself.

Woman!

Woah-man!

Woaoaoaoaooaoaoaoaoh-man!

She was a theif, you gotta belief, she stole my heart and my cat!

This is wonderful helpthelostdads. I feel the same way. I was lost and turned around so much I had drifted from God with out even knowing it. I thank God for giving me the strength to wake up from the nightmare WH had created. As I grew stronger mentally my faith grew stronger. Now I look back and realize what was really going on. WH has been blame shifting me for years. This put doubt in my mind and the cycle continued as he started to pull me down with him. Now I know it wasn't me, it was him. I was and still am the same person with the same beliefs and morals as before. I was wounded and lost but my belief system didn't change. He is the one who has changed his moral, ethical and financial beliefs. I can't tell him that because he is gone. Not in the physical sense but in the mental sense. The physical sense is fast approaching.

God is good.

I sat in the pews on Sunday, listening to the service and holding my wife's hand. I felt very happy at that moment.

It's good to know she supports what we're doing, learning our faith, and teaching the kids the same.

It's a beautiful thing. Last night in youth group we were talking about faith in God. The kid were given a summary describing 3 different stages of belief and asked to look deep with in them and pick a stage they feel they are in. Stage 1 was believing in God but not sure he is there to help us when we need him. Stage 2 is knowing he is there if we need him but still having doubts. 3rd was knowing and believing God is there listening to us and answering our call for help. It was my first night as a core member so I sat in on the leader's group. The children we got picked 1. We asked them questions about why they feel they are at stage 1 etc. It was obvious they didn't want to talk about it and just put 1 with out any reflection. Talking to the kids (when they clearly weren't interested) made me realize that faith is a hard thing to teach and a hard thing to learn. You can't see it, touch it, taste it or smell it. You just have to believe. When reaching out to others, you have to have FAITH that you will say the right thing to the right person at the right time.