You're bored, writer.

That's dangerous.

You had an affair with someone who shares your passion. You have a LONG marriage worth saving. You're a writer. Write your marriage; at the very least write some essays about your ordeal. Sell them.

When did you get your MFA?

Sell a flipping book or get off your magic wagon, girl. I know I've talked to you about this before, but you should have had a salable novel BEFORE you were awarded an MFA.

Actually, this is pretty rare. I think one or two people in my program managed to do it, but the majority did not. It's mostly a matter of how MFA programs are set up in that they encourage you to focus on short stories and learning the "craft" of writing while you are there, so you can take what you have learned and go out and do something "bigger" with it, such as a writing a novel if you're so inclined, after you graduate. Though many of my classmates seem content to stay with the short story.

I have set a goal to have my novel finished by June, when my son returns home from the military academy he is attending. Right now, I am in Plan A with my novel. I'm giving it all of my attention until June, at which time, I am moving onto Plan B and sending it out into the world of agents and editors and forgetting about it so that I can write something else.

How in the H do you finish graduate school in CW without FINISHING A NOVEL???

Stop making excuses for your own unfulfilled dreams, and be thankful for your H who is raising OC. Ambition my azz...

You make me mad. Complain about your H's lack of ambition, and make excuses about your own.

This is something from another thread that I've been thinking about ever since I read it and would like to explore a little more. Markos (or anyone) I'm wondering if you have anymore info on this, because I think this may be the root cause of what has been missing in my M. I think this may be an actual EN that I have that I never recognized before (because I didn't really know it existed), and one that my H is having a great deal of trouble meeting.

Does anyone know where I can read more about this, since it obviously isn't in HNHN.

I don't think I'm looking for "activism" so much, but more just a general passion for life, a desire to live life to the fullest, to have varied experiences, to think about/ponder/talk about the deeper things in life. I think for me, the problem is that many of our conversations seem superficial and uninteresting, and therefore don't really fulfill the need of Conversation satisfactorily (and Conversation is one of my top 5 EN's).

Maybe it's a problem with RC as well, now that I think about it. My H and I spend quite a bit of time together, but a lot of it isn't very satisfying. We kind of just do the same sort of things over and over again. RC is up there on my list of EN's as well. But I find myself backing away from it, because I'm not really very interested in WHAT we're doing when we spend time together. This may be a problem, especially if we don't actually enjoy doing many of the same things. Just like Conversation may be a problem if we don't enjoy talking about the same things, which seems to be the case.

So, the question is, how do you solve the problem of meeting these EN's if the individuals involved don't have the same interests and enjoy doing and talking about entirely different things?

This has been an issue in my M for a long time. It almost ended it at one point. I certainly don't want to get to that place again. But I don't feel connected to my H right now, and I want to find a way to change that.

Do you have an MFA? Have you spoken to any directors of MFA programs, or even other people who have them?

I wasn't making excuses. I was simply stating the official position of my MFA program, and many other creative writing programs.

Almost no one I graduated with had finished a novel upon graduation. That's true of the majority of MFA programs, mostly because writing a novel really isn't the goal these programs set for their students. That's a fact, not an excuse.

No, I'm a sophomore and have finished three novels and an MG chapter book. I've had yearly income from my writing since 2004. Not much, but more than my expenses.

I'm also wondering, too, how you can help your husband so that he can get to a place where he can have some deep thought time?

Just speaking from my schedule, my days go roughly from 5:30 am to 8pm. After working two jobs and spending time with the kids, honestly, there isn't much left for deep, soul-searching profoundness.

Now, if my husband wanted me to have more deep thoughts than whatever comes to me while I shower, then we'd have to renegotiate our arrangements, meaning I would need to work my part time job and my husband would need to go to work full time. We'd also need to move, and we'd also need to accept a lower standard of living.

So, writer, how can you help your husband implement the changes you'd like to see? Or how can you support him?

It's not that hard. I wrote three novels with a newborn, 1yo, and 2yo in the house.


STOP EXCUSING Y0UR OWN LACK OF AMBITION.