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Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 90
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OP
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Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 90 |
Well I made a mistake. My W. and I have been getting along pretty well since I got back from my trip. We have been having fun. That is until today. <BR>Last night my W checked her office v-mail from home, something that she hasn't done in a while. I also found out that she has changed her access code and was not going to let me know what it was. I couldn't help feeling that the **** was starting up again. I didn't say anything last night, but this morning I started to loose it on her. ( major love busting) <BR>She is sticking to her story that everything is over. I just can't help reacting to every little thing.<BR>On a good note, we start counseling tomorrow.<P>------------------<BR><BR>That Which does not kill us makes us stronger.<BR>
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 726
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 726 |
robilar,<P>You're reaction is extremely normal. What other reaction are you going to have!? Your wife should understand that it's gonna take a very long time for you to regain trust again. She simply should NOT behave in this suspicious manner!<P>You've got to let her know (in a non love-busting manner) that your trust just isn't there. She should let you know her new v-mail code. If not, then what choice do you have other than to believe that she has something to hide. She must understand this from you. Don't give her mixed signals on this issue. It may be important for her that you trust her, but she needs to EARN that trust. She may get angry at you anyway, but so what? You have every right and reason to be non-trusting.<P>--andy
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Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 110
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Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 110 |
Robilar:<P>I can understand why she changed to code and doesn't want you to have it. My W snooped my Voice mail and recovered some messages from OW. I broke off relationship with OW completely. She still sent V-Mail. I told her to stop and changed my code. She didn't stop right away. I didn't need the hassle of trying to explain to W that nothing was going on (it really wasn't) I jsut couldn't get OW to stop right away. Finally got her to stop but still changed code on V Mail just in case OW decides to call again.<P>So don't be too harsh on W she may really be trying to spare you and her a hassle.<P>Flip
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Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 90
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OP
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Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 90 |
Thank you both for your responses.<BR>Airheart,<BR>I know that my feeling was natural. I just wish that I was able to control it. I am trying desperately not to make waves while we work on us. Each wave I make seems to undermine all of the work that we did. Why do I have to be the one walking on egg shells ? <BR>Flipper,<BR>I'm not going to say that I should have total access to everything in her life. She deserves privacy as much as I do, but if the patterns of constantly checking her v-mail and changing her access code start again then I am only going to assume that the affair is still in progress or has started again.<P>------------------<BR>That Which does not kill us makes us stronger.<P>
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 726
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 726 |
robilar,<P>I guess the egg-shell thing is what I'm talking about, yeah. Maybe you can explain to her that you desperately don't want to upset the apple cart but there are just some things you can't deal with well, and one of those is the lack of trust. Hopefully she'd understand. I think it would be unreasonable of her to expect you just to accept the fact that her v-mail code is changed and she doesn't want you to know what it is. You have the gist of it when you say "control" is the main issue. The trick is to communicate all that without love-busting...<P>--andy
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