the ow sent my w a package detailing the affair particularly a card i wrote describing in depth what i was "feeling" for the ow...yesterday i picked up a copy of the letter from w's lawyer for a court case against ow for those who don't know me she is psychotic and we are battling in court for restraining orders, also she is pregnant...anyway i read the letter and sat in my car and cried for a while and was very upset a good part of the day...first i couldn't even remember writing half of what i said, second it made me realize the state i was in at the time which was 2 weeks after ow told me the news...third and most importantly thinking of my w reading it i can understand why she ran to file divorce papers and tell me that i don't deserve someone like her...maybe she is right...anyway i know that it was all part of the addiction and the infatuation and the emotional needs i was seeking from ow...and i even have examined in therapy my problems and our problems in the marriage...can any of you relate to the total loss of clear thinking during this period...i often in the beginning told my w that i was in the clouds...looking back it seems like outer space...i don't use that as an excuse at all even though i might have at the beginning when i was in denial which lasted a long time...any thoughts here?.....much peace and love always ....trying hard<BR> <BR>

Either my H is not completely sane, or he is a cruel, evil person who pulled the wool over my eyes and pretended to be a loving family man for 25 years. I certainly hope it is the former.

Ive read so many times of Ow who want to send such "packages" to the wife<BR>I think there is a lot of revenge involved,pure and simple which is "funny" when they supposedly "love" the MM though they always defend themselves by saying they now supposedly "care" about the wife and think she should know blah blah blah<P>why do you think she really did this?<P>and did she include anything at all that she said and did in the affair to make it happen and continue (I doubt it), or was the letter totally onesided about your actions and words only?<P>sorry I couldnt help you, and only asked questions<P>I wish you luck

I completely understand! I am sick and disgusted w/ myself. The rose colored glasses have come off!!!! I can't believe I even gave this guy the time of day much less lost my life for him. He's such a loser!!!! You couldn't have told me that six months ago though. <P>Just remember that all we can do now is move forward. We've admitted our mistakes and have to pay for our actions ... but ... we also owe it to ourselves to go on w/ life.<BR>As hard as that might be. I'm afraid I've lost the love of my life forever --- my Husband! I hate myself!!<P>

My H has said the same thing. He felt like he was someone else during that time. He said such hurtful things to me and expressed his love for OW and how he wanted to leave me and our children and move on. Now he looks back and describes it as temporary insanity. I would too. He never acted so strange. I would relate it to being on drugs. His values and self worth seemed to just disappear. He is back now, thank you Lord. I pray for no more temporary insanity.

thanks for the responses--Ann R i feel<BR>exactly the same way you do...i just hope that the pain doesn't last forever...i know how to deal with it i think i just hope one day i will be so damn happy i won't feel it...even only once in this lifetime...much peace and love...trying hard