I am going to India for two weeks, it was booked and planned for over the last two years, it's partly work, research and exploring, I know the timing is bad but i am still going although it will be difficult, but it will also be a chance for him to actually proove he means what he says esp with VAR under the car seat as I know that most of his conversations were in the car rather than email or fb (he's not on fb).

Yes the phone no has to be changed and he has agreed to this this weekend and sim will be destroyed.

I am at a point tho where I feel like contacting her and sayingthat if he is still in contact with her, if she sends me proof I will just walk away....it's such a hard journey and having done it once with him, I am really not sure I have the energy to do it again, although this time I have followed the rules rather than listen to the 'poor me' stories!

since xmas eve there have only been 3 texts that I am aware of ond only one responded to which was about her mothers funeral. The Karma police played a blinder there!

Thanks again

this just hurts and hurts and hurts,

to date there has been no contact I am aware of for 10 days, he has been honest up to then as far as I am aware and hasn't responded to her.

He doesn't seem too bothered, despite the length of time they were involved, I wonder if it was all coming to an end and me saying I had enough and was leaving was the catalyst for him to dump her but wish I knew.

Am still checking his phone but nothing, can't check his computer as he only used the work one for contact not the home laptop. No point with GPS as he travels and so does the Ginger Minger and I know they used to meet en route to somewhere he said he was going.

Have just read Neaks story, so much of what she talks about I have been going through, nice times with WH and all lovely when we are home together but when driving to work........... an hour commute, way too much time to plan and think.

I spend hours thinking of what I could do to Ginge, the fantasies are enough for now but when I see the stupid little gingemobile.....I just wanna key it and cut the brake pipes (if I knew what and where they were).

Don't know many of her friends (she has no fb page and neither does WH) but long to know what she is up to just so I can be sure there is still NC.

Doin Plan A till my eyes bug out but never realised how hard it would be not to yell and shout about what a total t**t he has been, how hurt and betrayed I feel and all the while trying to be nice to him and fill his EN which does include SF even when I don't want to cos of where it's been!

Sorry rant over, just wish it would let up, seems I think about it more than WH does, the pictures play over and over, the conversations, the bits he told me about her wanting him to move in with her cos I was strong and would be fine.

Wish I felt strong and fine.

Spoke to OWH today.......that was interesting, he knew some, not other stuff and is going to expose her to her family members and delete numbers from her phone, he hadn't thought of doing that.

Felt very shakey but better and feel as though i am beginning to win.

WH being very distant, hard to keep Plan Aing when he has gone away in his head. Maybe the fog is lifting and depression setting in....Joy!!

finds it a bit odd there hasn't been a single response......what do I need to do to get someone to hear me??

Tanam, I don't know why you didn't get responses yesterday. It might be because you have been journalling, rather than asking a specific question. People on this forum tend to post to threads that need urgent action, and there are a lot of those right now.

I don't know why you are waiting until you are away to put the VAR under the car seat. If your H is talking to her now, you could find this out right away.

Earlier, you said that OWH had left OW, but I take it that this didn't happen? What made you think he had left? Did your H tell you that? If so, it is a bad sign. He could only have told you that to stop you following up with him.

I doubt that all contact has stopped. it is very likely that OW is doing all she can to make your H stay in contact and rekindle the physical side of the affair. It is very common for OW to tell married men that the men used them, so that the men respond by saying that no, they really cared. The proof of their "caring" is that they stay involved.

Do you and OWH have an arrangement to watch from both sides, and report to each other? If you put a GPS on H's car now, you would be able to find out from OWH if OW had been in the places that your H travelled to.

Is he doing any electronic spying? Does he know about keyloggers for his home PC or laptop, flexispy for smart phones, VARs and GPS trackers? If he is staying with his wife then he should want to know that she is not taking him for a ride. He should be willing to spy.

You never answered my question about why you cannot get your H polygraphed. And what about hiring a PI for one of the days he is travelling?

Yeah I guess!

OWH has left the home but still unsure what he wants to do...ie does he want the marriage or not, he says he would stay for the house, child and social life but doesn't want to really rebuild, he does have another woman in the wings!

OWH said he was going to the house tonight and was going to get numbers deleted etc, I guess if they (OW and WH) are still in contact then she will have to email on Monday and then Monday night the [censored] will hit the fan as he (my WH) will come home and get nasty about me talking to him. Then I will know they are still in contact......

Do I tell WH that I have talked to OWH or leave it? I am inclined to leave it and see what happens as if he does mention it I will then have a decision to make about staying or going and move to plan B.

I don't think he will bother spying as I don't think he cares that much, he's very hurt that she has been taking lots of support for the hurt of his A while she has been doing the same for last 6 years!

He has said he will keep in touch with me though.

As to my own snooping, it has come to a halt as all emaill is done at work and I don't have access to that, VAR has been put in car but only picks up radio to date, I am also beginning to feel very ambivalent and not sure if I care enough to keep snooping. If he wants her that much he can find a way and she has devious as her middle name (she was a close friend, I know her very well.

Just low and fed up with it all.

3 texts that I am aware of ond only one responded to which was about her mothers funeral

I'm unclear as to the origin of these texts - him to her, or her to him.

to date there has been no contact I am aware of for 10 days, he has been honest up to then as far as I am aware and hasn't responded to her.

Okay, so this is good, right? And you have OWH on-board, and assisting you in watching for contact. And the VAR in the car is "clean" as well.

As I read your recent posts then, you have no evidence of contact between them, and the fact that there is no evidence has caused you to suspect they're in contact by some method you can't detect.

Well, welcome to the shi++y world known as "Never Gonna Trust Again".

You DON'T want to live there - none of us do. You have really only one choice to get out. You've told WH that a repeat offense will precipitate your leaving, and his commitment has been to assure you that it will not re-occur. Now make him commit assets and wealth to it. Demand a post-nup (assuming such a thing exists in "primitive" Britain). Have him sign on paper that a subsequent violation will subject him to SERIOUS penalties.

If he agrees, well, at least you'll have him by his......wallet. If he refuses, you'll have a better idea what his prior assurances were worth.

What makes you describe our country as "primitive"?

You drink your beer warm, and instead of treating it as toxic waste, you eat "Marmite" for breakfast.

I rest my case!

Ah yes but we have a good health system and having visited your wonderful country this year, we also have good safety nets for people!

Getting to that point to be honest, tho he is warm, affectionate, gentle, just that voice in my head (not a real one) asking how stupid I am to think that this will end. Yet he says he wants me not her, he never wanted an A he wanted a friend but she pushed and he is a weak willed F**k wit.
His words not mine.


Think we are both struggling, with the fall out, he has anxiety attacks, I go on crying jags, both in counselling, I know I need to let go, and I also suspectt hat even if they do carry on, sooner or later he will tell and that will be it.

In the words of the old Dad's Army show....we're doomed!!

Should I tell WH I spoke to OWH? Feels like the sword of damolese hanging over me till Monday when if they are in email contact she will tell him, he will be so angry that she has been exposed.

Thanks

tho he is warm, affectionate, gentle, just that voice in my head (not a real one) asking how stupid I am to think that this will end.

No, it's only stupid if you trust it will end. It's not stupid if you KILL it!

You have exposure on both ends, you have transparency. If you take the step of putting in place a post-nup (which would be the legally enforcable form of MB's principle of Extraordinary Precautions) you might have the level of comfort to stop looking for problems where you have no evidence of them.