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During this time certain things happened: I asked him if I could sleep with someone else (we had talked about it for many years and he really encouraged it and seemed turned on by the idea. He even talked about having a threesome). So I had a one-night stand that I hated and regretted and said I'd never do again. Meanwhile, I decided to let him have his one-night stand (because I felt guilty), which he did.

I told him that that was enough. We each had our little "adventure," and I didn't enjoy the idea of my tryst or his. Time goes by and I find out he's been sending [nude] pics to other women. I tell him I don't like it. He keeps it up. He says he's always been this way. I tell him to lay off the internet "affair," but, eventually, because our sex is so infrequent, I let him send pics out again. Mild internet affairs start between him and three other women (sharing nude pics-[edited], sexual comments, fantasizing about heaven knows what). I tell him to drop his girlfriends. That happened just a few days ago. I told him we can wait for our daughters to graduate (have a basically sexless marriage) and get a divorce, or he can totally stop the affairs and we'll work it out. He says he loves me and wants to work it out (I'm all for that!)

But this thing with needing constant positive input about his [body]... I don't get it. He has a great [body], but I'm not going to bring it up all the time or comment on every one of his [nude] pictures.

In the past he's watched a lot of porn - another reason sex kind of went in the dumper, because I grew older, I felt I was being compared to those younger women. Also, I have to say I'm close to 50 and my sex drive has really slowed down. But I really think a lot of it has to do with his obsession with his own [body]. It really turns me off, but he just won't stop.

For my part, I'm going to try and do my best to please him sexually more often. Obviously I need to stroke his ego more. With the thought of the affairs being over, I think I'll feel more attractive not having to compete with other women.

Any thoughts on the [edited]nude photography thing? OR our relationship, in general?

I find it interesting that no one has made a comment. Am I in deep trouble with my situation?

Does it feel like deep trouble?

Make an agreement- no swinging ever.

Read the articles about marriage on this site. Meet each others emotional needs, but find out what they are first.

Learn what a Policy of Joint agreement is about, then begin a NEW marriage.

Sounds like several problems: porn addiction, low self-esteem, instances of alternative marriage, and possible A's.

If he is all for saving the M, then lay out your needs. Read all the principles here of creating a happy, fulfilling M. Then put the plan into action. He has to be willing to give up the porn, and tell him that he won't be a body part actor any time soon by sending out his pictures.

Is this for real?

TBD

I know you are giving us information to understand your situation but do we have to say "weiner" ten times. We get it.

I'm having a hard enough time dealing with the nightmarish visuals I've got concerning exactly what exercises a man would do to enlarge his penis.

Jumping jacks? Skipping rope? (I don't want to hear even one of you mention push-ups...)

Sorry, I'm telling the truth. Go google jelqing (no, this is NOT an advertisement as I'm the one who has to deal with the after affects). Sorry about the p word. I'll use whatever word you're more comfortable with.

I wrote down the Policy of Joint Agreement in a journal yesterday to show my husband. We've had a few long talks and are trying to work through this. He "seems" committed to me.

"Does it feel like deep trouble?" It did a few days ago, but after our talks there seems to be hope. THANKS for letting me get this all off my chest. No one else (other than husband) to talk to right now. I'm sure you can see why...

I think the standard advice if we're concerned about that is to contact the moderators.

Order some of the books from this site "Surviving an Affair", Put a keylogger on your PC, have him give you all of his passwords and access to his accounts since he is into internet porn. Both of you need to be transparent...totally

How old are your children?

I suspect the mods are already aware of this thread.

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Contact the counseling center (tab is located in the top header of the page)

Set up an appointment.

They will help navigate through all the land mines you've yet to step on. (Yes, there are some left)

Sounds like you do have some hope left, but it will be short lived without some coaching from the leaders in restoring adulterous marriages....

Best of luck!