and dat der is the twuff. (sorry was just in Elmer Fudd mode, lol)

Scotty my dear friend, you are such an inspiration! It is too bad Bampot hasn't pulled his rear out of his azz but I am thankful for the opportunity for ME to know YOU.

BTW, even if he returns Bampot will not be the same. My H after such a looong time of lying to me about C has never fully returned to who he was (or maybe who I thought he was??)

We are still discovering who we are together. Some days are so rough and others are sweet but we will never be without the scars of all the crap we put each other through.

Thanx STB4.

I am still not totally convinced that it was ALL fantasy at this point. I KNOW that there was evidence that he was who I thought he was, at least somewhat. He did a complete 180. Even in the past, when he had female friends, he never acted like he did in the end of 2007 until he left. Now, what I think happens is that those extra things that he does, gives me more evidence that that man MAY be under there somewhere. BUT, I need to stop thinking about him, ya know? He crept back into my thoughts again. I tried to remove him from my mind, but I couldn't. Now, when I think about him, I mentally make a point of telling myself that it is WRONG. I think I may need to wear a rubber band and sting myself every time I think about him.

I know that he will never be the same. Recovered marriage with me or not, he will NEVER be the man who he was(or who I thought he was, ). My mom isn't the same person she was, and yet she seems to think that she is.

I need to stop thinking about him as if he WILL come back. I don't know that that is a certainty. What scares me even more than that is that I won't WANT him back. To me, that would mean that I had lost something of myself that I held so dear. Could that be it? Could it be that I don't want to lose that? By golly I think it IS part of it. So it's less about who Bampot IS and more who I AM. Hmmmm. Guys, I really hope we get a snowday tomorrow because I am gonna be up into the wee hours of the night thinking about this.

Have I thanked you yet today Pep?

Scotty, I often think- WWSD and HM2x4'sWPG (how many 2x4's would Pep give) . I use those when those thoughts start creeping in.

WXH also did a complete 180, he is no longer the person I once knew. I have changed as well, he managed to destroy something in me and those will be scars that I will carry forever. I still believe that time will heal the wound but the scar will remain. Part of me still wishes for some type of miraculous reconciliation; the other part knows that too much has happened.

I am sad as well that MB wasn't able to be applied to change the good we had to great.

Anyway, you are great and you need to continue to remind yourself of that.

you hit the nail on the head. I see glimpses of my FH (now xh) through things with my daughter. But some how the wxh comes out and screws up the good that was done. I may not have direct contact with him (well other than the ER visit a few months ago for my DD3) but little things hurt when he contacts the IM and i get a call saying he can't get her or he needs to bring her home early ect. It opens up the wound some.... but each time it is WAY less and less. The scar heals faster.

Scotty you will know when you have had enough and with you have LC or NC it spares you from the damage that continued contact did to me and maybe others. as NOT stated on the other thread it is hard to get the right words together but please know you are not alone.

{{{{{Scottie}}}}}}}

This is actually a HUGE growing step for you because you were so sure you couldn't see it. I think as time marches on your views will change even more....

Remember when I first joined Sol's thread and I asked him "Why" he wanted to save his marriage? I do think its a good time for you to revisit that. Sometimes, our answers differ from when we first are asked that question....

You don't have to share it here if you aren't comfortable and it may be a something that takes you a bit to get the answer out, however, no matter what the answer is, it is yours.....

Loves ya sis....and hang in there....you are an amazingly strong and wonderful woman!!!!

Not

ps...STB4, you were a very strong and couragous woman back then. I thought I might have to bop ya for that.....How's that beautiful daughter of yours???? Hard to believe she is 3 already!!!! Cherish the moments now, because eventually they turn into 17 yr olds with a rebellious streak.....

This is the best news I've read on this site in a looooong time.

He has been gone for a year. I would so love to see you divorce him so that at some time in the future you can (morally) fall in love with someone who deserves you.

I can't tell you how happy I am now. I told my hairdresser the other day that my biggest regret was wasting so much time with WxH. She reminded me that things would not have aligned for my current dh and I to find each other if I had divorced XH when he deserved to be divorced.

Hey guys, I'm not even close to be "there" yet. I still only see myself being married to Bampot, ATM.

Today, I am having a rough one though. I received a letter in the mail from the Canada Revenue Agency(taxes). Since Bampot never changed his address on anything, they want ME to prove that he hasn't lived here. When I pray for Bampot and OW to feel the consequences of their affair, I forget that those same consequences may also effect ME. So, I called and asked what exactly I can do. They told me to get them the info that I can, and they will need to make a decision. I KNOW that Bampot opened his new bank account and used OW's address as HIS address but I don't think I can get proof of that. I haven't changed any of the bills into only my name(I DO remember thinking about it when I entered Plan B, wish I woulda done it). So to anyone who lives in Canada, change ALL of those bills and keep record of that.

I am going to print up the cell phone records to show what city he was calling from, since it IS the city where OW lives. I also need to get 2 letters, one from my employer and one from the principal at DSx2's school.

Bampot also received one of those letters, so I need to forward it to my original IMs so they can pass it on to him. It needs to be responded to within 30 days. If it doesn't go in my favour, I will lose money and I will need to pay back about $6000. That should be IMPOSSIBLE so fingers crossed that he doesn't lie.

It's not like I can MAKE him change his address. ARGH.

Just another day in the life of Scotty.

BTW, we got a SNOOOOOOOOWWWWW DAY today. First one in a few years. The snow is REALLY heavy though, it's hard to shovel. Maybe the shovel fairy will come and shovel/snowblow my sidewalks.

Scotland,
This morning I saw two very 'hot' looking guys and I know they are out there. Thought.....wouldn't mind being married to someone who looked like that to each.

I find it empowering to know that though at this juncture, I am loyal to my love for my WH....it is by choice.

Choice. Choice. Choice.

Though we can see a future with our WH's if they end their affairs and can step up to the plate(s)......the sky is the limit for us betrayed ones into the future.

Hope you don't have to pay money btw.

(((Scotty)))

Not, I have not ignored your question. I WILL give this some thought, and add it to the other thoughts running their marathon in my head. For now though, I am going to enjoy watching a movie, Inkheart, with DS8.

you'll do it in your time scotty... your doing great!

t/j NOT..... yes dear she is 3 and she is doing great. She was asked to be in a commercial today for her school!!!! with a speaking part!!! soo excited.... hope things with you and the mr and kiddos are well. I remember my rebelious years... not looking forward to hers..lol end t/j

Scotty,
You know I still check in with you now and then right?
I'm sorry about the financial situation mentioned above. I know you'll navigate it; it's nothing to pulling off possibly the best plan B in history.
I just wanted to give you some encouragement from the other side, not that I'm trying to influence your path because you totally know what you're doing but this jumped out at me and not just because someone highlighted it in pink:
I think I may have said this to you a few hundred pages back. At the time I hoped it would be Bammy, and I still do certainly for your kids' sake and yours if there is any possibility.
Regardless, I think you'll have tremendous confidence you'll find the love of your life (whoEVER that might be). I believe experiences like these give insight to the point of having RADAR for the right person. You know yourself and your strengths and weaknesses like most people can only dream of. You also can see though bullsht like one can only imagine. Those are very good characteristics to have if you decide to move on. If Bamm somehow gets on board, those are also good characteristics to have when rebuilding something greater than you ever had; that's my theory.

opt

PS: hey NOT! good to see you back after a little respite in January. Hope all's well "big sis"

Thanx Opt. I know that there are many who are still there, reading and praying for only the best for me and my kiddos. I have always "felt" you all standing behind me, watching over me and propping me up when I need it. Some are more vocal, but NONE are wasted on me. You ALL are spectacular. I really do believe that we change with the company we keep and I am super glad that I found all of you to keep company with. It is my goal to better myself at ever turn, and I believe that I have gone above and beyond these last 15 months since coming here. I believe ALL of us have. Sometimes, I think about how we are all from different backgrounds, we are all differing ages and we have all had different experiences, but there is one thing that binds us all together and that is surviving some of the worst things that any human can survive. As long as I come out of this better than I was before, I have done superbly. And I don;t need anyone to tell me I have changed, because I KNOW I have.

Now all, understand this. Even if I DO get "there" on the dating someone other than Bampot thing, it wouldn't be for a LONNNNNNNGGGGGG time. I need to work on raising the two most important people in my life. They are my primary focus and one which I will surely not regret. I have always said that the most important thing that I can do in my life is raise my two children to be productive members of society. Anything above that is gravy. Have I mentioned lately that I have some SPECTACULAR kids.

Also, I was thinking about my M to Bampot. I think right now I am at that stage in grief where you remember all of the good things. I KNOW there were bad things, I can think about them(especially the A), but it seems that I tend to remember the good times more often. I will try to focus on a balance and base it in reality.

Now, to think about that question that Not asked me, "Why do I want to save THIS marriage(sorry to change it a bit)?" hmmmmmm........

It shows that you have a kind heart (remembering the good things about people over the bad).

That trait will serve you well in your life, but may not be serving you well in this particular relationship- at this time.

drive by (((((scotty))))

Hey Stay, (((Stay))) Good to see you around. Hope all is well in the ST camp.

I like how you said this barbiecat, I DID think of it as a bad part of me, but maybe it isn't.

Pep, as always, I don't feel like I deserve your praise, but I DO hope to one day live up to, or even surpass your expectations. Luv ya TONNES.

I am one lucky girl to have come across you AMAZING people.