I don't mean see what he's missing.... he will hear what he is missing I guess... lol

You will have to figure out what is right for you legal wise.
Speak with a lawyer or two or three to figure out your situation.

Depending on your financial safety and security.....you do what is correct for you.

Legal separation is often filed for in plan B.

divorce was filed almost 3 mos ago. Financially, I am screwed right now as i have been staying home with our kids for the last 4 years and have had a hard time looking for a job (even with a degree!)

I just received a letter from the attorney and he said that it is absolutely ridiculous that WH can not pick the kids up at the house and he has to pick them up somewhere else and that I am not speaking to him or emailing him directly. He said I am going to end up making things worse for myself in the end. I am pretty ticked to say the least. So much for plan b I guess.......

I will have to talk to steve tomorrow about what he thinks in relation to this. I unfortunately think I will probably just be giving up b/c I can't harm myself any more than he has.

I keep thinking back to the last several months and am appalled at all the things I found. He took all the pictures of me off his cell phone and had replaced them with OW. He took all the pictures of me out of his wallet and only had pictures of the boys and one family picture. The fact he couldn't even hold my hand from april on, go for a walk with me, spend time with me, etc. I just don't know if I can continue to hurt myself.

He hasn't tried to do anything for me in quite some time. No dinners out, no dates, no special anything (not even for birthdays or Mother's day), no calls during the day to check on us, it was often an incovenience for him to talk to me during the day when I would call. This has been going on for quite some time. He checked out long ago and despite my best efforts to continue to do for him (special lunches, meeting for lunch, ideas for things for us to do, letters, special things, etc), he never did anything for me. I was trying to show him that I loved him and wanted to spend time with him but he did nothing for me to show me that he loved me and I was resentful of that (and told him numerous times). I think the resentment showed and I was callous often times b/c I was trying to connect to him on a deeper level, and he just didn't care to do so.

So, given my revelation.... now what do you all think?>?

Don't you have your own lawyer?

Whose lawyer sent you that disrespectful letter? Yours? WH's?

You do get to choose how to do this. No lawyer does. WH doesn't either. WH got to decide to have an affair. You get to decide how to have the rest of your life.

Your WH being a distant, unpleasant guy is also not unusual. It is normal.

Definitely talk to Steve and he will have good input for you.

So, instead of doing the things he learned from his needs, her needs and 5 love languages, etc... he chose to not love me... the mother of his children.... and to move on to someone with a clean slate and wouldn't have to work as hard with (in the beginning) on the relationship with OW. It would be "work" to get back to what we had, and I just don't think he is man enough to do the work that is required. Seriously, what kind of man walks out on his wife and kids..... his OW needs to be looking at what he's done to us as an indication of just what kind of man he has become. He is NOT the man he used to be... and the fact is I don't know if I want to be with this "man" now.

Yes, I have my own lawyer. My lawyer sent the email and I will post below. I am considering getting a new lawyer as well, since OW decided to use MY attorney for her divorce and completed her divorce in one month late last year.

I don't get how HE gets to have an affair, walk out on his kids, dictate to ME what days he wants the kids, and then say he wants whatever he wants and I am supposed to give in. HELL no ..... this is not going to be easy and I want someone who is going to fight for me, and my kids, so I can make sure that I am able to provide the kind of life my children deserve since their father seems to think that skankilicious is a much better woman for him (even though I am a better woman). What kind of woman ditches their faithful husband to be with a man who was unfaithful to his wife and kids and walked out on all 3 of us??? i know this is something waywards don't think about and we sane people do..... that damn fog surely messes with anything rational about them.

I can't post the email b/c it was sent as a pdf and won't allow nme to copy and paste.

That lawyer needs the AXE. What, your H screws around on you and someone's got a problem with YOU? That YOU'RE not playing nice?? That YOU'RE not making this easy on him???

Yeah... I am trying to figure out how to get the letter to post on him. I think I am gonna start looking for a new one..... plus, as I said, he was also OW attorney and I think she went to him after I had already hired him.

"I have to tell you that I believe you are taking a bad situation and making it much worse. If you wish to change visitation from wednesday night, I can most certainly contact his attorney and do so. I do not see a problem with giving WH another night if he misses a Wednesday. (I will add here that he missed a Wednesday b/c of his OWN stupidity and wanting me to bend over for him.) It seems that you are being somewhat evasive when you talked about "activities" (ok, so my kids go to church group that night with me... is that a problem?) and when you would not let him have the children Tuesday night because you "had made plans this weekend for tonight". (So WH contacted me monday night and said that he wanted the kids Tuesday night and Thursdany night b/c he was "denied" visitation on Wednesday. He was denied last wednesday b/c he failed to pick another night and I was MORE than willing to give him another night last week and he chose to drive off before picking a day).

'I can understand that you are bitter, but I am fearful that your actions are going to backfire on you and I would urge you to take a deep breath and relax a bit."

SERIOUSLY?!!!!

My response to this POS email from your attorney would be, "I am relaxed. I am doing what I am supposed to do legally. I will continue to do what is required of me, legally. Thank you for your concern."

Then I would go find a new lawyer PRONTO.

Here's the email I sent and then received the response above.

I just wanted to fill you in on some things that have been going on with WH. Last wednesday, he showed up to the house to pick up the kids after I told him that Wednesday nights DO NOT work for the boys and I because we have an activity on Wednesday night. my dad had taken the kids to his house after school to play with their race track they got for Christmas and I was on my way to pick them up from my dad's at 520 to go to our activity when andy showed up at my house. This is the ONLY night during the week that the boys have something. as I stated to your assistant last week, I gave WH the opportunity to discuss with me another night that would work for him since Wednesdays do not work and he left while I was inside and didn't contact my intermediary until last night about visitation and said that he wanted Tuesday AND Thursday of this week since I "denied him visitation last Wednesday". I am no longer directly contacting him as I am fed up with getting into fights with him all the time about his actions and what the boys are saying about his actions and he is expecting me to meet his demands at all times. My intermediary requested that he pick either Tuesday or Thursday (nights that I have class and am not with the kids) to have for his visitation during the week. He has YET to choose to do so. I told the intermediary that he can have Thurs of this week but since he gave such late notification on wanting the children tonight, we already had plans made this weekend for tonight and I am not going to cancel our plans b/c of his irresponsibility.

I also said that at this time I will not be allowing pick ups and drop offs at the house and that I will have someone drop the kids off to him at a designated place and time and that my mother will be picking the kids up and bringing them home (since I have class on Tues and Thurs nights until late). I am NOT at the house on Tues or Thurs nights since I have class and do NOT want him coming to the house if I am NOT here. He is very insistent on picking the kids up here and my intermediary has told him REPEATEDLY that he is NOT to come to the house to pick up the kids. He no longer lives here, he no longer helps pay ANY of the bills or the mortgage. I do NOT want him to pick up the kids here or drop them off at my house at this time.

I am NOT withholding visitations. I gave him the opportunity last week to pick last Thurs or Fri to see them and he left the house before discussing with me AND he never emailed my intermediary either to choose a day. He called and left a message this morning to speak with the boys. I had parents here dropping off their kids and couldn't answer the phone and the kids have not wanted to call him back this morning so I don't force them to do so.

Can I make a suggestion? Take a generic calendar for the months of Jan. and Feb. Block out every night or weekend where's there's a legitimate activity that would prevent WH from having the boys. Give that to your attorney (you don't have an IM, right? Or am I confusing you with another poster?)

Your attorney can get that to WH's attorney. WH can review the calendar and plug in the dates when he would like to see the kids. Subject to your approval, of course.

I do have an im.....

@neverlosefaith -

Custody of the children should be already set between you and WS. If WS chooses not to get the children on his agreed time, then he doesn't get the children. You should not EVER have to rearrange your schedule due to the fact that he is incapable of picking up the children.

He should not be able to continuously change the schedule to meet his schedule. Custody is time with parents, not parents time with children. It is very critical that custody be scheduled and consistent.

What is the exact custodial days WS has agreed to? What exact time can he call and speak with the children on his non-custodial days?

Stick with the custodial schedule.

Your attorney is your paid shark.

This sounds like you do not have a schedule in place. I don't know why he is being evasive. He should of come out and told you that you need to put a schedule in place, instead of all this gobblygook opinion. Give him a schedule of what you want custody to be. He will pass it on to WS attorney.

Tell your attorney "This is what I want. Can you get it for me?" If he can't, have him explain why he can't.

He said for this semester he wanted wednesdays and I told him that wasn't feasible b/c of the boys' activity they are in this semester. I tried to talk to him about picking another day and he drove off before discussing. That's his fault for that... he chose not to pick another day... NOT mine. I said tues and thurs were the best as I have class. His own fault... not mine.

Off to call steve for my appt... wish me luck!

Good luck! Just said a prayer for you! Let us know how it goes!!

I STRONGLY encourage you to find a new attorney because it is my opinion that by representing your WH's affair partner in her divorce and representing you, as well, when the cause of your divorce is the affair is a conflict of interest in violation of the Rules of Professional Conduct. As an attorney, I would NEVER consider accepting you as a client knowing that your WH's affair partner was also a client of mine. Similarly, I would NEVER consider accepting OW as a client knowing that you were a cliet of mine.

I was his client first... then he took her on. I am making an appt with a new attorney.

Good for you. Remember your attorney works for you. You are his boss! Being betrayed by your spouse and now your own frealin' attorney is involved in this betrayal crap. We are here for you. You are a champion!


I ask again?

How did session with Steve go?