Hi

After reading and searching the net for help and answers I found this link .

My husband of 15 years, had an affair and we have 2 kids.. It has been going on for 2 years ..She is married and is not leaving her husband

After so many problems and tears and all sorts of emotional torture, and lies from him, I found out he was still talking to her. When I asked him, he got so angry and packed and left us . He still pretends infront of the world that he is is married though he took of his ring. Anyway after 6 weeks he came back but is staying separate and has little or no communication with me . Doesnt spend much quality time with kids either .. He says he doesnt love me and will take time to work on the marriage slowly .. However, he refuses to get any help or talk to anyone.. Just gets all dressed up and focuses on himself. He thinks he has not done anything wrong. I am not allowed to question him or ask him anything.. Its is so hard.. I do love him and want to try this finally on my marriage as have so much to lose, but I feel I am all alone ..

People say to move on etc but its easier said then done.

Just thot I could get sum ideas from anyone to cope ..

Thank you again

BTw, I am 34 and work and always looked after him and my family. We have a beautiful family but he doesnt seem to realise that..

frangie, sorry you are here. Having said that, this is the best place you can find yourself in a situation like this. Here is a thread to help guide you around this site. It is important to read everything you can and ask any questions you may have. http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2370240#Post2370240

Welcome.

Thank you so much. I will read and look through the link now.

Thank you again

Hi Gloveoil

Thank you.. I have answered to the questions below

Does the other woman's husband know about the affair?

Yes , he does but is ignorant and says he loves her she loves him. they have no kids

-- Has the affair been broadly exposed to relatives, friends & others who can help hold both affair partners accountable, or has it been mostly kept secret until the present time?

His family knows as I told them but they are saying that he has denied . When he left us he was staying with them. They just never told him that he is wrong.instead told me to be quite and that man do such things

-- How did you learn of the affair? How did you learn of the extent of it, when it started, etc.?

I found txt from his work mobile ph. abt 2 months in the affair
He started on the train.

-- How long ago did you discover the affair?

2 years now.. he did say he had stopped but I would find a txt here n there .. He used to be quite for sumtime then again .

-- How did they meet originally?

In the train to work

-- Do they still have any contact with one another (through work or other means

I dont know if he is still in contact with her

Thank you again for your help. means so much to me

Hi there and I'm sorry you are here asking for help, but you have landed in a great spot......
Lots of the folks here have or are going through what you are.
First job for you is to figure out if your husband is still seeing the OW, if he is you have to tell him that the marriage cannot be worked on if he continues the affair.
If he refuses and you have your proof, then exposure is the next thing, everyone that is important to him, the OW's husband, parents, friends.......
Then tell him you love him and that when he is ready to commit to the marriage that you are more than willing to work on having the best marriage the two of you could imagine........
The exposure should end the affair, affairs live in secrecy and fall apart quickly when everyone makes you accountable......
Then you fill each others needs, communicate, work on affection and romantic love........
In the meantime, be firm but loving........show him the woman he feel in love with..........Plan A, read all the info on the site and get your plan together, lots of vets here that can walk you through every step
good luck..........look up affair fog babble.........does it sound familiar?