So my WH called me today upset 1)because I wasn't home and 2)that he just now got his Christmas present and to him it wasn't the right thing and he felt like he didn't get enough for his bday and Christmas.

I didn't handle it well and had an AO and brought up divorce.
I sent it off way before but weather and him leaving bcuz of his sister it was there when he got back but apparently I bought the wrong one.

I told him sorry and sorry he didn't like his gifts.

I was doing so well and then my taker comes roaring out.

I just don't think I can ever make him happy and that I can't get rid of the thought "if he isn't happy it's just a matter of time before he goes and finds another OW."

So tonight my WH's XW texted me tonight. I've never talked to her before. She was thanking me for some insurance stuff that I sent her for DD, since the WH is deployed I had to send it off.

So she starts telling me that WH has been emailing her sending her pics of him and asking her to meet him in New Zealand.

I asked her to forward them to me.

What now?

I did send him an email and said I know and that I'm done. Was this a lovebuster?

What is advisable for me to do now?

He called last night calling me a b*tch and telling me Im seeing someone.

I told him have you read my email and I said Im done.

It's funny Im not at all distraught like I would have been before.

I realize I married a freeloader and he will never change.

Should I just go to plan D?

Is divorce what you want?
Or, do you want to go to Plan B?

It's all up to you.

Me thinking Plan B BrainHurts. Its sounds as though you need it.

It seems he is very much a wayward.

Can I suggest a couple of weeks strong Plan A, so you finish up good? No AO's, DJ and meeting lots of ENs. Then pick a date and go to Plan B.

Let us know what you think.

Hang in there.

I think maybe Plan B because it's the MB way and Im really trying to follow it.

He comes back in a little over a month and I know he will refuse to leave the house because his name is on it and he has no where else to go.

He wants to see the emails bcuz he of course is lying.
Should I send them to him?

Hi Harmony,

So glad you're back.
So should I keep plan A from afar and wait until he's back in a month and Plan A for a few hard weeks when he's back?

I just get set back when I find more waywardness (is that even a word Haha) then I say Im done.
This is so tough. It would be easier to walk maybe?
He has control issues.

[quote=BrainHurts]
He comes back in a little over a month and I know he will refuse to leave the house because his name is on it and he has no where else to go.

quote]

Yes and consequences for Waywards suck....

I went through this, oh but he has his business from home, but they find somwhere they just do. Shock treatment.

Not sure about the emails, wait for the Vets. I would say you have your evidence, you have nothing to prove to him he already knowa what has gone on. You have nothing to prove to him you have already seen them with your own eyes, you have all the evidence you need. As I said, wait for the Vets on that one.

That's what I said to him. You don't need me to send the proof you know you wrote them.

I was thinking if he won't leave maybe I should find somewhere to go?
I know you aren't supposed to leave the marital home but I also need to protect myself right?

Whatever you do, don't leave the marital home. Plan B is about giving him a taste of life being divorced and part of that is not living in the marital home.

Also, I know this is probably not very MB, but how would you feel about OW, if there is OW on the scene, coming into your home? I know this is not a nice thought, but at least you know if you are there, then the marital home will be kept 'clean'.

Big piece of advice from my recent experience, pick a date for Plan B, get prepared, and until then Plan A your butt off even if you don;t feel like it.

I would do Plan A whilst H is back at home. That way it will be way more effective.
I think your area of weakness is Love Busters. Focus on elimating these.
This will be tough, but no excuses!



We will be here to support you.
Build your strength now.
Make a plan A 'list' and stick to it.
I would suggest 2 weeks of Plan A WITH snooping.
Then decide on your Plan B date before he goes back if he is proven to be still wayward.



Cowards way out.
Remember Plan B is for you, but has the added benefit of H learning what life is without you.
PLan B is for your own growth and learning about yourself and what a good marriage looks like.
Have you ever been on your own without needing a man?
Its a good feeling
You don't need to D yet, whats the rush?

You will need to lots of Prep for Plan B first, read Scotlands thread the first few pages will provide some prep info and shows Scotlands ability to PLan A a wayward.

We will be here to support you.

PS. you have some homework to do first. Keep posting with any questions. There is a thread on Plan B prep, I will see if I can find.

Ok I tried to go on here the other night when I got the information to ask what to do and didn't get any guidance and went with my gut and sent the email.

So I will get my Lovebusters out again. I have a major problem with AO and DJ.

I will read up on plan B.

What about the emails?

After arother blowout he said if I send him the emails as proof he will leave me alone.
Should I do it?

So I sent the emails and he is trying to down play it.

Im done he is a serial cheater and has done this in every relationship.

Plan D for me.

I love MB because I have the strength and yes Im still working on my AO.

He is saying I am overreacting and that it wasn't anything.

He is trying to say it's me "starting stuff".

I know with him being gone and trying to work on this marriage it's more difficult.

I guess Im asking can I do a list of what I want to continue this? Will that be considered demands?

Hiya BrainHurts

You have got to get some stability going on here. You really need to make a PLAN and stick to it, otherwise you aren't following the MB program. I know is easier said than done, but when you make a decision to D it should be from a place of certainty, calmness and peace with that decision. Not a reaction.

I still suggest Plan A and then move to B.



Its not difficult it will be impossible. You too really need to be living in the same house together for this marriage to have any success at all. What is stopping this from happening? You really need to think about this, what other reasons are there for you not to live together? Are the reasons more important than your marriage?



That sounds to me like a wayward statement. There is often no smoke without fire, but even so keep snooping where you can. Let that go for now but keep snooping, and store the evidence.

Brainhurts its time for real action on your part. Work the plans, stick to the plans and let MB work for you.

There is no rush for your to D anyway, its not like you are ready for another relationship.

Stay calm.

So what Plan are you going for?

JL - I have not done an SOS before, but can you rejoin and help BrainHurts?

This situation is VERY complex and could do with some of your problem solving skills.

Thank you.

Thank you so much Harmony.

Yes a big SOS to Just Learning.

I will go back to Plan A until he returns from his deployment. That is the only reason we're apart.
I know I need to calm down and keep working on me.
I guess I feel like I can't do anything from afar when I find out stuff.

I will keep trying.

PLease stay calm Brain hurts.

Recovery is tough and certainly not for wimps.

The most important part through this process you will learn is what makes a good marriage, and NEVER compromise again either with your own actions, and your husband actions.

You are on a massive learning curve, and give yourself a pat on the back. You are no longer reacting to his wayward behaviour through revengeful acts such as affairs/flirting, progress right? You are knowing yourself and REACTING less. You are coming along well.

You seem like a very good person who is about to achieve their full potential.