I started feeling uncomfortable about my husband's friendship with this woman a few years ago. I broached it numerous times with him and was told not to be silly. The blow up happened nearly a year and a half ago. Mum came down to babysit for a party that we had planned to go to the previous night. It was a nice day and I knew my husband was snorkelling somewhere nearby.Mum said she'd watch the kids and so I went to find him. I found their cars together at a secluded beach. They were hiding behind rocks. I confronted them but had no proof and they denied it. The next day ( this woman lives 2 doors up and is my husband's mates girlfriend) my husband's mate comes walking over to our house pale faced. ( he was seeking my medical skills) as his girlfriend had 'cut herself' (and taken an OD it turned out.) I was told by my husband not to say anything...as he didn't want my 'paranoia' to ruin his friendship with his mate. It was a hard time. We live in a small town with no support hundreds of km from family. With young kids, I had not been able to participate in the social side of his life.
It was only recently ( 2 months ago) that I found out difinitively about his infidelity. I confronted him again and he had no choice but to tell me. It went on for 8 months ( stopped about a year ago apparently ) and he also slept with another girl in town.. that lives 4 doors to the right!! on 2 occasions. He says that he was depressed and that he is over it and he now hates the girl. He says that he only wanted my love but /he felt rejected by me . And it is true. I had post natal depression and didn't have anything else to give. I am trying to take the high road and forgive him. I have recently confronted both of the women. My problem is this. I have been asked by my husband to live with his and the other woman's lie. My husband is 'good' mates with her boyfriend. He comes to our house and hangs out with my husband socially. Every time I see this man, I feel hideous inside. I want to tell him the truth. I resent having to live with their lie. I am an honest person and have indicated to my husband that I feel he should come clean with his friend. I know this other woman has cheated on her boyfriend numerous times. When I confronted her, we spoke about it. He has no idea.I look at him and know from previous conversations of his dreams to go and discover the world but he stays here living a lie. I could keep my mouth shut about the other men she has had, but I feel involved in this sordid mess. My husband says he doesn't know what he will do if everyone knows.... he will want to run away. He dosn't want to be judged. He says he wants to work on just us and that it. He also still comes accross her in his work. He keeps telling my that there is nothing there. They are often alone together in this work.( and apparently that is where the opportunities were taken up) I know that we have to move away. My conundrum is whether to talk to my husbands mate. I would be happy to go there with my husband and talk to him. It just doesn't sit right with me. I love my husband and I believe him when he says it is all over and he will never make these mistakes again. restoring trust will be hard. but to his credit he has given me honesty and is supporting me through this. wShould I come clean ?

I know you hate to be here, but there are some pretty serious issues besides telling your WH's friend. Yes the friend should know. He will not only be able to keep his wife away from your husband but has a right to make a decision about his own marriage.

As far as your own marriage, he has strayed not once, but twice. It's obvious he has some pretty loose boundaries regarding your marriage.

There is lots of work to do before you will close to trusting your husband again.

Welcome.
You already know the answer because your gut sings out every time the friend comes over. Yes, you need to tell him. He has the right to know that he is seeing a woman who will betray him.

There are a few other things you need to do.
1. Tell the other OW's boyfriend/husband.
2. Move away from the lot of them.
3. He needs to leave the job that puts him in OW's path.

The resumption of either of the affairs is highly likely if you keep this nasty secret and continue to live practically in these women's laps.

I started feeling uncomfortable about my husband's friendship with this woman a few years ago. I broached it numerous times with him and was told not to be silly. The blow up happened nearly a year and a half ago. Mum came down to babysit for a party that we had planned to go to the previous night.

It was a nice day and I knew my husband was snorkeling somewhere nearby. Mum said she'd watch the kids and so I went to find him. I found their cars together at a secluded beach. They were hiding behind rocks. I confronted them but had no proof and they denied it.

The next day ( this woman lives 2 doors up and is my husband's mates girlfriend) my husband's mate comes walking over to our house pale faced. ( he was seeking my medical skills) as his girlfriend had 'cut herself' (and taken an OD it turned out.) I was told by my husband not to say anything...as he didn't want my 'paranoia' to ruin his friendship with his mate.

It was a hard time. We live in a small town with no support hundreds of km from family. With young kids, I had not been able to participate in the social side of his life.

It was only recently ( 2 months ago) that I found out definitively about his infidelity. I confronted him again and he had no choice but to tell me. It went on for 8 months (stopped about a year ago apparently) and he also slept with another girl in town.. that lives 4 doors to the right!! on 2 occasions.

He says that he was depressed and that he is over it and he now hates the girl. He says that he only wanted my love but /he felt rejected by me . And it is true. I had post natal depression and didn't have anything else to give. I am trying to take the high road and forgive him. I have recently confronted both of the women.

My problem is this. I have been asked by my husband to live with his and the other woman's lie. My husband is 'good' mates with her boyfriend. He comes to our house and hangs out with my husband socially. Every time I see this man, I feel hideous inside. I want to tell him the truth. I resent having to live with their lie. I am an honest person and have indicated to my husband that I feel he should come clean with his friend.

I know this other woman has cheated on her boyfriend numerous times. When I confronted her, we spoke about it. He has no idea. I look at him and know from previous conversations of his dreams to go and discover the world but he stays here living a lie. I could keep my mouth shut about the other men she has had, but I feel involved in this sordid mess.

My husband says he doesn't know what he will do if everyone knows.... he will want to run away. He doesn�t want to be judged. He says he wants to work on just us and that it. He also still comes across her in his work. He keeps telling me that there is nothing there. They are often alone together in this work. ( and apparently that is where the opportunities were taken up).

I know that we have to move away. My conundrum is whether to talk to my husband�s mate. I would be happy to go there with my husband and talk to him. It just doesn't sit right with me. I love my husband and I believe him when he says it is all over and he will never make these mistakes again. Restoring trust

How old?
How long married?
How many children? Yours/his/together?

You have a lot more problems than exposure, but, yes exposure is the right thing to do.

Have you read SA?

MB is right, there is no way you can live 2 doors down (both ways) from OW and save this M.

Of course you should tell the boyfriend. Without the foreknowledge of your H. I would tell everyone what he has done. Everyone should know everything. If you don't tell this man then you are as guilty as your H. What you and your H are doing to him is CRUEL and manipulative. Are you a mean gal?

The OW's BF needs to know so he can protect himself from your husband. Keeping your H's affair secret only enables the affair and PREVENTS your husband from learning his lesson.

The fact that your H wants to keep his crime a secret from the OW BF indicates he is not the least remorseful. You have a huge problem on your hands.

Everyone should know of his affairs. Your neighbors, all your family, close friends. Your H is dangerous and the more people who know the more people to hold him accountable.