Hmmm, probably just tell them. Maybe even wait until after you have him leave.

Don't mention any detailed source information to WH. Just tell him you know he is doing drugs and you have proof. He already knows, so you don't have to prove anything to him.

Then do not let yourself be drawn into an argument, and don't give away your sources.

Thanks Neak, you have been a great help.
So I am going to test the items first. I know what I found I just hope there is something on them to show up on a test. Should I put the mirror and razor blade back where they were or take them. If I take them he will know what I tested. I think he forgot about the aluminum foil. I am going to keep that. Should I confront tonight when he comes home or wait until the morning just before he leaves? I am thinking the morning will be safer for me. Maybe walk out at the same time he does like I am heading out also. Confront him and leave in my car. I don't want to be in the house alone with him just in case he goes off.

LOL! Cocaine Use 101:
Cocaine comes in flaky chunks and is cut up/shaved with a razor blade into a fine powder. Users prefer to cut it on a mirror because, unlike plates or glass cutting boards, mirrors are smaller and more easily handled, and because you can run a razor against the glass of a mirror and not cut into it like some plates and cutting boards.

Some other signs of cocaine use:
Paper currency of his that appears to have been rolled up into a straw, where the bill may want to 'curl'. You may find traces of white powder on them. Snobby coke users prefer $20 bills (I have no idea why) but obviously any bill will do.

Coffee stirring spoons from fast-food restaurants. They used to actually make a teensy spoon for coffee, until they realized that people were using them to snort. Now the stirrers are the same size, but the bowl of the spoon is flat. Avid coke users still use them for smaller snorts.

Foil is used to transport coke because the coke won't stick to it like it would a plastic bag. It's also easy for the user to lick the coke residue from foil, as opposed to dregging it out of a plastic bag. You should also look for pieces of paper that appear to have been folded into squares. Users will transport smaller quantities in those.

And NO, I'm not a user. But I had a relative who got into trouble with coke and I got quite a lesson in it before he got clean.

Either put the items back (except it sounds like keeping the foil is fine), or replace them with an identical item if you can.

As with any snooping, you have to cover your tracks or they will just be more careful the next time.

MB...wow, just wow.

I swear on everything I have - Diet Coke is my addiction.

That makes sense.


I have found these over the years. I think there is one in one of his drawers. I knew what it was used for. Again, couldn�t prove it but now I can. I still think he went on binges over the years and some how stopped for a while. This time he has gone too far to stop on his own.


Hey, I got this one right!


Sure Marritalbliss, Is that what you tell yourself to sleep at night?

How about this:
Different drugs affect the body in different ways but the symptoms of addiction are exactly the same regardless of drug-type. As drugs gain more control over the body and mind, and as they exert more control over an individual's life, the journey which begins as substance abuse transforms into drug addiction. Because of their biased perspective, it is all too common for the unfortunate person experiencing this process to deny the enormity of their problem. Whether it is for you or for someone you care for, familiarize yourself with the common signs and symptoms of drug abuse and addiction to determine if a problem exists.

Reading this is just confirmation of what I already know. He is past substance abuse and is an addict.

LOL! How's this for pathetic: when I can't sleep I replay every stroke of my golf game in my head!

Seriously - yes, I would say your H is an addict. Very few people have coffee-stirrers in their drawers.

Golf game? Are you saying even thinking about playing golf puts you to sleep?


Marritalbliss my dealer in coke.... information. I am in between kid pick ups so I am going to go get the tests. Never thought I would say that. I didn't read the box yesterday but I did see it said one time use so I will have to get at least 2. I am assuming it is a urine test so it is more than likely a strip test. I will have to carefully pour water over the mirror with a bowl under it. Same thing with the foil only I will open it over the bowl and put it in. I will try to use as little water as I can. What do you think?

Cocaine Residue Test Kit
Check this one out. You'll get 10 tests, which is way more definitive than you need, but is better than one or two. Plus, you don't have to deal with the water/bowl issue. This is a swab kit.

There are a lot of them online - check into these. Maybe you can get a swab kit wherever you got your original kit.

LGLG: Wow...I stopped by to catch up on folks and got hooked by your story.

Where is your H getting money to do drugs or anything else if he's not working? If he has access to your joint funds, shouldn't you seek a freeze on them so he can't ruin you and your kids financially?

I'm sorry you're going through this....sounds like this has been in his past if he's moved out previously and is being tracked down for payments for a past apartment.

I hope for your sake and your kids you can separate yourselves from his self-destruction. Can't be good for two boys 16 and 18 to be around this kind of male role model.

Thanks, I could have used this information an hour ago.

Well get ready to have a good laugh at LGLG...
I bought the test. I carefully opened the foil in a Ziploc. It was a Hershey kiss wrapper. I still think he is an addict. I am back to where I was with no solid proof.

Ok stop laughing now. I am back to sqauare one sort of. So now I have to somehow test the mirror. The test that I opened and now can't return says to only use urine. I will have to take the mirror and put it some place until I can get a swab test. They had tests for pot, coke, 5 types of drugs and 8(?)types of drugs but all the test were urine tests.

ladylonglegs,
He cashed in stocks. I have no idea how much of that $ is left. I can't keep him from using the bank accounts, he is on them. I just checked this afternoon and in 2 days he has spent $450 at Kmart, $100 and walmart and the big one is $2500 to paypal. We are going to start bouncing stuff soon. I can open my own account and only put a little in at a time. I didn't want to open one because he would be able to bring it up in divorce papers. Of course I can bring up his. I was keeping what I had in cash. He may be doing the same thing for all I know. He needs an intervention or to hit rock bottom. You would think he would be there by now.

I am trying to get us away from him. I informed him my parents are coming in on the 1st. That doesn't mean he won't be here anyways. He is so out there he may make tea and cookies for their arrival. If he is here I will tell my parents they can and should say exactly how they feel.
Thanks for your concern.
LGLG

When I found out my H was cheating, I went immediately to attorney and he told me any joint checking or other accounts I was entitled to 50% of and I could withdraw those funds and open my own separate accounts he couldn't use. Can you do this to preserve some money for you and your kids?

Also, if he's spending like crazy, should you get your name off all joint credit accounts so you won't inherit half the debt should you divorce?

LLL, I don't think she can remove her name from any accounts, but she can set the limits on the accounts to the lowest they will allow her to go.

Maritalbliss,
I am going to call both banks and see what I can do.
Does anyone know how to capture the screen? I want to print out all the account info but I also want to have a back up. I can't cut and paste. It comes out a mess.

Shift PrtScn then Ctrl v on a word page- you can size the image later.

If you use a laptop you should check if you have to use the Fn key first.

I have a Fn key.
This is going to take a while. How do I make the print smaller on my web page? I know I have done it before and it is simple but I forgot!

I did print everything out and hid the copies. I can always go into the bank and get past activities I just want to make sure I have the info on hand just in case someone decides to change the passwords with out telling me.

Here's how I do mine - hopefully your screen is set up the same way:
Look down on the right corner of the screen. Do you see a number? Right now mine says 100%. There is a down arrow next to it. If you click on that arrow it will show different options for your page size.

<Ctrl><-> keys. I believe they work in both IE and Firefox.
You can also go to menu, select <File>, then select <Print>.

ladylonglegs,
I have been a SAHM for almost 18 years. That was our plan, he works and I take care of the kids. Looks like that worked great for him. He is the only one bringing in $ so I have to be careful not to tick him off or he might cut me off financially. If you asked me just a couple of months ago if I thought he would ever do that I would have said no. Now I know he is capable of doing just about anything to protect his dirty secrets and dark lifestyle. Also the stocks he cashed in were in his name only. We have some in both our names so I need to sign off on those. (not much but something) He has a few 401K's from different jobs and they are in his name only. This is why I have to be careful and plan out my moves.