Dear WH,
I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair with ow possible. I was frequently caught up with my own issues and trying to meet my needs and that of our children that I unknowingly was failing at meeting your individual needs. I was not able to see just what you needed most from me, and vice versa, and we are now both suffering from our mistakes.

I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and create a new life for both of us that will meet your needs. I would like for you to see that it is far better and more beneficial for everyone, especially for our children, to fall back in love with the mother of your children than with another woman. I want to fall back in love with the man that I committed my life to, in front of God, our families, and friends. But I cannot do that until you end your relationship with ow once and for all.

Until then, I will continue to avoid seeing you or talking to you. I have people lined up to drop off and pick up the children at our designated spot and time. The children have adamantly expressed to me their displeasure in your choices and frequently being at ow's house and staying the night and this is damaging them in more ways than you will ever notice. All communication with me about the children or other matters of importance will continue to be through my intermediary's email address with the intermediary.

I ask you to respect my decision to separate from yo in this way. You must know about the suffering the children and I, family, and friends have endured because of your relationship with ow, and I simply cannot be with you any longer knowing that you are with him.

As soon as you are willing to separate from ow and are willing to follow the measures that will be suggested to ensure total separation, I will be willing to discuss our future together as a couple, and as a healthy family together with our children.

I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing everything to hurt each other. We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do makes us BOTH happy. Then, there will never again be a reason for us to separate. I want to be your best friend again, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And, I want you again as my best friend.

I loved you when we married over 7 years ago. I remember the man I fell in love with 13 years ago and all the things that we did together that we both enjoyed all these years. I want to reintroduce these things to our life, and our family again. I just cannot be with you or help you as long as you are involved with OW.

With all my love,
BS

neverlosefaith, that is a great letter!! I only removed the part about going to the OW's house. If that ever happens, I would be hiring an attorney and making sure they are never exposed to the OW. NEVER.

Lawyer said that I CANNOT deny him visitation Or tell him he can't take the kids to her house.

Then I would inform this lawyer he needs to get off his [censored] and make that happen. We have that written into untold separation agreements around here in multiple states. That lawyer works for you, not the other way around.

p.s. just last week, one of our board members in Ohio had it written into her FINAL DIVORCE [which was finalized on Friday] that her WH could not take her kids around any skanks for a YEAR.

Nice... I meet with the new lawyer in the morning!!! I have LOTS of reasons why OW should not be around my kids. Including popping out of her sunroof driving in front of us and flashing us in early in June... and my 4 year old saw it. And the fact that there was porn playing on 2 tvs one night when my children were staying the night at her house in mid june..... this among MANY other things. I hope I can bring SKANK DOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWN!

Good girl!! Your typical lawyer will take the path of least resistance because they want their job to be easy. AT YOUR EXPENSE. They don't give a ratsass about your children.

So, you have to remind them that they work for you. Just tell him: this is what I need and you to make that happen!

The lawyer I am meetig with tomorrow has NOT represented OW (like my present one) and was one of my support group leader's attorney. He REALLY worked for her, got her what she wanted. Plus, he is a former family court judge... BOO YAH!

I just corrected a couple errors in the fourth paragraph. Spelling of the word you and gender for OP.

Thanks... I was going to fix them before I sent it. I appreciate it it!!! I was writing it with kids bombarding me and probably typed it when I was yelling, "get away from him" and what not! lol.... oh the joys of motherhood... single motherhood at that!

switched attorneys today. new one seems more proactive and willing to work to get me more. he also saidcant keep kids away from ow at this pt but if i want in divorce then we can put it in. cant keep her away unless she proves dangerous or if the kids are scared of her yelling. he said it would be a waste of money to try to get this into separation agreement at this point. he also said we will drag the divorce out so i can have health insurance and such bc he will have 2 pay for it until i find a job or whatever i decide to do. i told him i am not backing off my settlement to get what i want to survive with the boys. maybe this will help him realize life with ow wont be all its cracked up. and....i want the clause not allowing kids around her any longer etc. but since she was a close friend and the kids know her, it may be harder. so...... now i have to work up nerve to be humiliated by wh and ow with my revised new plan b ltr.

BUMP for some HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP~

Wow, you got an appointment with an attorney on a Saturday? That's amazing.

About this:

Has divorce already been filed and served? You can usually request a temporary hearing with temporary orders to have in place until the divorce is final. In the request for the temporary orders, your attorney can ask that an ad litem be appointed for the children OR that a social study be done on both your home and wherever your WH is living.

A social worker would interview you and your husband separately as well as possibly the children. In THIS interview you could tell the social worker all about OW. A social worker has influence on the Judge and is more open to hearing about what is going on that is not being said in the legal papers.

It's a thought.

WH has not broken plan b rules since last Tuesday. Should I send this letter onto WH despite the fact that he hasn't broken plan B since??? And, since I am in plan b, how exatly should I give to him?

This letter http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010715.html is GREAT for WS.

Any help from some more vets???

I too am wondering if I should send this to my husband and at what point. Vets please let us know if we should send the link to Trueheart to our WH's? NLF is in plan B and kartoread is in plan D.
Thanks everyone.

I should add I am in plan b... on the shoulder of Plan D. Been filed.... no fog lifting yet.....