I have been reading here for over a year and have come to respect your insight and advice to other BS. My own husband was a textbook wayward to the nth degree.

Let me give you some background to help with my question. My husband had a PA for 1 year with our neighbor who was also the mother of my daughter's best friend. After d-day, I did not allow my DD to socialize with MOW DD outside of school. I considered moving my DD to another school but did not have to because MOW withdrew her DD.

My DD came home yesterday and informed me that MOW DD is returning and will be in the same class as my DD. I know this is going to be awkward for my DD who knows what happened. The MOW DD still thinks it was all just friends and that I am a crazy jealous person who won't let her husband have female friends. MOW likes to spend a lot of time in the school volunteering and promoting her "so kind and generous" image.

My biggest dilemma is that my daughter is happy and doing really well at this school. Is is right for me to uproot her and destroy her world all over again? Would this be teaching her to run from her problems? Would I be doing this for my own selfish reasons because I want MOW to be GONE !!!!!

Did you expose to the OWH? If not, you should do so, NOW. I'd also tell him that you don't want his WW anywhere around your DD.

Can you ask that your DD be put into another class, so that she doesn't have the MOW interacting directly with her?

Welcome to MB, oak_tree.

Is this woman still your neighbour? If she is, you need to solve that problem by moving, and not focus on the short-term issue of the girls being in the same class. If one of the kids moves school and OW still lives nearby (next door?), it will be impossible for your marriage to recover from the affair.

I know the importance of exposure. My problem is that NO ONE would believe me. She is one of those kind and generous types that is always willing to help anyone and everyone.

I do not have any hard proof of the PA (just WH confession). She is sneaky, underhanded, and smart enough not to leave any evidence that could be reproduced. She hit *67 to keep her number off the phone records and sent non-incriminating emails to throw me off track. It was well thought through and deep underground.

Honestly, no one would believe me. And I am tired of being painted as the crazy jealous wife.

Be honest with your DD and with the school. Go see the principal and explain that under the circumstances you do not want your DD with the OW child due to how she almost destroyed your family.

Does OW still live next door. If that is the case I would move. You are working on your M and with her next door as a distraction it will keep your H in a fog.

You need strong boundaries. Blessings

We have moved to the next town. WH no longer has to drive by her house everyday and stop in for a glass of wine and a BJ.

I hear you about strong boundaries. My gut tells me to move DD to different school even though this is going to rip her apart in the short term. Once again, I will be the bad guy.

Move DD to a new school. Make sure you expose OW at the old school.

@oak - Have you asked your WS to expose to OWH?

I don't think my WH has the balls to expose the A to MOW BH. He was pretending to be his friend. (MOW BH is a really big guy).

Why haven't YOU exposed the A to the OWH? (and btw, what does MOW mean? I don't think I've ever seen the 'M' before.

I would pull your DD out of school. Not only does she know about the A, but you and your H will continue to run the risk of running into OW as long as you travel in the same circles.

Married OW.

Oh. Duh.

oak_tree,

We're not just suggesting changing schools out of instincts. We are following the advice of Dr Harley, who has helped very many couples recover from an affair. He has developed his advice after seeing what works and what fails in ending an affair for good and rebuilding a marriage. He writes:

In spite of career sacrifices, friendships, and issues relating to children's schooling, I am adamant in recommending that there be no contact with a former lover for life. For many, that means a move to another state. But to do otherwise fails to recognize the nature of addiction and its cure.

Full article here.

Any thing short of moving away from her is folly.
You should move and tell the OWH yourself. Tell him you and your family are going to move to try to escape his W interjecting herself yet again into your life.
Edited to add

meanwhile tell the principal about the situation to separate the kids more than they would be in the same class and let the teachers of that grade know to avoid having them throw the kids together for ignorance to the situation.

Also, when you do leave the school tell your child you are sorry her dad messed up and created this to deal with, that it sucks and though needed.....you realize her sacrifice in dealing with dad's mistakes. Cause she is having to do it.

Thank you for all your input. MOW = married other woman. I see that moving DD to another school is probably the only option. I was hesitant to destroy her world all over again and didn't want to do that because of my own issues.

Again, I have a lot of respect for you guys and needed to hear from you that it is the right thing.

You seem pretty smart to me....so do some googling on how to make transition to another school easier for children.

Ask for advice, seek the information...try to make the change not so traumatic.

And tell your husband that Home Depot has balls on sale.
They come in a 2 pack and are located near the power tools.

Good luck and peace to you and yours!

Rush thanks for the laugh ! My next stop is Home Depot.

But are you going to expose to the owh??

Oak,

As a last resort, I would contact the OWH and explain the situation to him and why you do not want his DD to attend the same school. Make him aware that you are going to the principal to "explain the situatin" and he has a right to know.

It might give them a chance to bow out of their DD to attend school there and letting your DD remain.

Oak, do I have it right that OW's H doesn't know? You were gong to move your DD from her school and then OW moved her D? YOU and your family moved to a different town? f you moved to a different town, how did you keep your DD in the same school? Or is this a different school than the original one?

OWH deserves to know what your WH and his WW have done to him. The consequences of those actions are on your WH and the OW, NOT on YOU. Telling the truth about what some else did is not wrong. You need to tell OWH.