Hi, I have been married for 2 and half years and have a son thats turning two soon. I love my wife ever so much and made a big mistake this january. We have always had our ups and downs but worked it out one way or another. I started txting 4 other women this january. The txts were sent as mates but if anyone was to read them they would think I was having an afair. I wrote some stupid things in them. Mentioning certain body parts and made it sound like I really like them. My wife went through my phone the other day and seen them and left with our son. She says she doesn't want anything to do with me. The communication has completely ended from her side. Iv tried txtin and phoning but she wont speek to me. I have never met up with these women. It was very wrong of me and stupid, I wish I never done this. I really don't want to lose my wife. I love her and no one else. Thas the honest truth. I really want to save my marriage. When she asked me I told her the truth and tried my best to appologize but she left. By my huge mistake no one believes that more didn't happen. I know I have broken her trust and don't know if she will ever forgive me. Can anyone please help me or give me any advice. I made a huge mistake and want to make this right for me, my wife and son. I love them ever so much.

Please hit notify and asked to be moved to Surviving an Affair. There are BS as well as WS there who can help you navigate this. (BS: Betrayed spouses, WS: Wayward spouses)

It IS your wife's choice at this point, all you can do is show her that you are worth the risk. Good luck!

I have asked for the forum to be moved, im new here. Sorry. I really do love her and want to build the trust back but cant have any contact with her.

Suresh, how do you know these women?

Coworkers, neighbors, friends?

They were old mates from college, I txt them the first time as a mate when me and my wife had a row. It went to far in a short amount of time.

Suresh, one of the things we learn on these forums is that people who have affairs usually don't tell the entire truth. They lie. They lie to protect themselves, and they lie to "protect" their spouses.

Now is the time to admit the full truth and nothing but the truth. It's your only hope for recovery.

Is there anything more you should admit?

How did you randomly pick these four girls from college to text? Were any former girlfriends?

How long ago were you in college?

Your wife is likely wondering how long you've been in contact with these women. She probably thinks you've been chatting inappropriately all along ... and more.

The honest truth is that one was a ex, andthe others were old mates from college. I wont lie on here because I really need help. I did not meet any of them or anything else besides the txting. I wish I never did this. I wanted to feel like I have someone to talk to and I know I should have gone to my wife. I was trying to bring back the memory of what me and my wife used to have when we met but made a huge mistake going elsewere.

3 years ago I was in college. One of them I bumped into when i was in town. Huge mistake. She said hi and swapped numbers as mates. I shouldn't have done it. The others I knew off by heart, I know most peoples numbers off my head.

Yes, you made several mistakes.

You betrayed your wife. Not with one woman but with four women.

Yes, you should always talk to your wife about your marriage and your needs instead of friends.

You should delete all these women's numbers from your phone and commit to never speaking to them again. Ditto for facebook, etc.

You have lost your wife's credibility and trust.

We will guide you here on ways you can attempt to show her that you're changing your ways for good.

It's up to her what she does with that.

My wife left yesterday and since then I deleted every number and have not made contact with them. I never will. I have been praying to god so much asking for him to help me. I know he wont if he knows I have not changed. Please help me in anyway. I do really love her and made a huge mistake.

Mates don't discuss body parts.

Stop playing around with your words because you will continue to have zero credibility with your wife.

You were engaged in extramarital relations with four other women ... i.e., AFFAIRS.

Don't belittle your actions by saying these women are mates. Any woman who will have skanky discussions with a married man is no friend. No friend of yours, no friend of your wife's.

I completely agree with what you say, It was very very stupid of me. I hate that I did this. One thing i will never do again is break my wifes trust if I get the chance. Since she went its made me realise my stupid behavour. I never should have done this.

I'm trying to locate Dr. Harley's articles on boundaries and extraordinary precautions.

Can anyone help?

Thank you,

Suresh, I recommend you begin to read as many articles on this site as you can, beginning with this one:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5065_qa.html

Come back to this thread once you've created your list of extraordinary precautions.

I think once you've read, studied, read some more and really understand how you've really betrayed your wife and tossed her and your marriage to the curb, you could possibly write her a letter expressing how deeply you've wronged her and what steps you're taking to ensure it will never happen again.

Thank you for taking out time to help me. It really means a lot. I will read it now. Thank you again.

Another member of this forum, NeverGuessed, just posted this statement in a different thread:

"My grandfather, an immigrant Italian, used to say in his native language, "If a man and woman could have slept together, they did sleep together."

Suresh, proceed with your wife as though you did have sex with these women because that's how she feels. Betrayal with other women is betrayal with other women.

It hurts like he!!.

All she is thinking right now is "How could he do this to me? I thought he loved me. Do I mean nothing to him?"

And you have to ask yourself ... how could you do this to her?

I understand what you mean. Thinking about it now it must feel like I have slept with them to her. I was being stupid and taking stupid risks. I wish I never had done this. I hope she does forgive me because she does mean everything to me. I would never hurt her again, truthfully

You have given us such a small amount of information and to be honest what you have said doesnt make sense so my BS radar is going off.

Four women in one month that you texted about sexual relations and you have NO history of infidelity in the M and no sexual history with any of these women?

We need more information than that. Please give us as much detailed information as you can.

List each woman by designating them a # such as OW1 OW2 and then tell us for each one...
when you started texting them(the date),
how you knew them, how long,
how did you know their #
when is the last time that you saw them
and exactly how the friendly texts transitioned over to sexual texts.