You don't know that yet. Hang in there, stick to the plan. Either way you'll be better for it.

Drag the divorce
Don't seem needy
Work on you
Apply the carrot if and when the chance comes
Use your allies
Have your house in order

This isn't easy man, but its better than having done nothing and watched her leave for OM without a fight.

What did her dad say about this, abc? Do you think he would be willing to confront her and tell her that he will not accept this OM into the family? Because it sounds like he is pro-abc, anti-OM. Maybe you can convince him to do this? Understand that blood is usually thicker than water in most cases, but it sounds like he's been in your corner from the beginning. Maybe a well-placed directive from him to her would help at this point.

Thanks Marital as usual.

I emailed her dad last week about an intervention, and called yesterday however he's not responding anymore...wonder what's going on now...i'm going to try to call him again next weekend if he doesn't get back to me

Well after 3 weeks of no contact, I called WW today for her birthday. As expected, she did not pick up. Left voice mail. Guess she's still angry from exposure. Where do I go from here? Do I just wait and see if she calls me in the next few weeks? Obviously continue to work on myself as well. Thanks

seems like her dad has decided not to respond anymore to me, tried calling him today as well...

abc098 - I'm still a newbie here, but I think you should focus on what you can control at this point and that's YOU. Just like what you said above! I exposed about 2 weeks ago and she's still pissed off at me and will only talk about divorce.

You can't control what her family does..trust me, I had a BIL tell me that he 'feels for me' but that the family will stand behind their sister - so blood is thicker than water. The good news is that it does not appear to be a monolithic front - there are at least a couple of holdouts.

ABC098,

I agree with Andy, just keep working on yourself, sooner or later she will break.
During the time of exposure with my husband's affair, I never heard from anyone on my husband's side........and I have been in the family for almost 30 years, it's not because they don't love us, but they have to be loyal to their own......
Don't worry about that........

And when you do see her, you better have done your homework. Be in shape, have a nice haircut, dressed well but not overdressed. ETC ETC.

And do not plan to just bump into her, thats creepy. But the time will come, and we are saying be ready all the time.

Plus if this doesn't work, you will have done all you could to look after you.

Wife texted me this evening. Did she acknowledge me calling for her birthday. No. She wants my social security number to do her taxes. I think I'll ignore her. What do you think? First time she's contacted me in like five weeks.

Don't give her your Social Security number--she can list it as "not available" on her taxes. My WH lied to me to obtain my SS# and used it to file for divorce. Of all the things he has done, this lie hurt the most.

Check with your lawyer. By no means should you give her your social. She's the enemy now so long as she's having an affair and is foggy.

Let her know you will be filing separately (if your lawyer advises you to).

Then again, just don't answer.

Just checked your thread again to refresh my memory.

There's no kids in this picture.

My friend, she's out of the house. There's nothing to pull you guys together anymore to even think of having a recovery. She's in single land now in her mind.

Don't respond to her text about taxes. You still have some time to deal with that. Check with your lawyer about what to do.

you're correct there's nothing to pull us together right now

one question is how much backgrounds matter...what I mean is that WW and OM are completely different ethnicities, religion, culture, she's even vegetarian while he's not...while wife and I were the same in all those respects...we also had the same values and beliefs when it came to the big stuff...

obviously she's in infatuation stage so she doesn't care right now but those things used to be important to her...i really can't see them ending up together once reality sets in, but who knows...

just thinking out loud i guess

Why torture yourself like that? Why worry about whether they will be happy. Do not do that. Its the opposite of what we are saying.

This text is a hook. She will be angry, confused, surprised if you don't respond. SO DON"T. I doubt she will just walk off and not try to reach you again.

Its a dance, but smart about it. You might be able to get to talk to her through this.

Don't text back. But be prepared for her to call or bump into you. When she does remember, be strong, no apology for exposure. No more timid abc, no more doormat abc.

Got it?

not torturing...was just curious
no more timid abc...got it

since i've been giving you the guys the play by play...i'm planning on sending a "goodbye" email to her parents today...basically since they've been ignoring my parents and mine phone calls and emails and a way of giving me some closure...if they contact me in the future that's fine

Hi,
I guess this will be my goodbye email to you guys. I had hoped to say goodbye in person or over the phone but for some reason you guys have decided to cut off communications with me. I guess this hits a nerve for me especially since I think lack of communication is a major reason why this happened to me and WW. We never talked about problems between us outside of when we were arguing so I just assumed things were fine when WW obviously didn't. But I'm sure you guys have a good reason for not wanting to speak to me or my parents...I'm just not sure what it is. I want to say thank you for everything you guys did for me during our marriage and before that. I wish WW hadn't decided to have the affair because I'm convinced we would have had a great marriage. Our values and goals in life were pretty much the same when it came to the important things. I really think things would have worked out if we had fought hard to stop the affair, but we will never know. In my opinion, despite your objections there's a good chance that her and this new guy will end up getting married and he will become your new son-in-law. I just hope that he does not cheat on WW. He obviously has a bad character and no morals if he is willing to get involved with a married woman and I wouldn't be surprised if he does it again. Unfortunately WW is not thinking of that possibility right now. I wish you guys nothing but the best in life and hope all your dreams come true.

I agree, why are you torturing yourself with this?

That said, I believe religion, culture, background, etc. play a large role in whether 2 people will have a good relationship or not. I don't believe (and neither would the Harleys, I suspect) that anyone can be truly "incompatible" based on those things but it would certainly increase the challenge in the relationship.

My WW's AP was old enough to be her father, was atheist (we are Christian), smoked/dealt dope, was a different race, and had an autistic son just ten years younger than WW. They shared very few interests, and basically no values. Yet, she still thought they were "soulmates" for a brief while.

Waywards are certifiably insane.

I really don't think you need to send anything, but if you do keep it short. Tell them you respect them, love their daughter and wish it could be different. No apology, get the note over fast. Assume it will be forwarded to her***** SO you need to ensure it meets plan A. Not needy or timid. Get in and get out, show the strong ABC.

This is too needy, so I would edit heavily Literally I think you want three lines. And I still don't think you send ata all.

Advice taken.

You guys will think im torturing myself again but I think the following it's an interesting question: if I were to ask WW to imagine that life was absolutely perfect right now, what would she see...would she say she wished things between us hadn't gotten to the point of her having the affair or would she want us to quickly be divorced so she can live a happy life with OM.

Stop torturing yourself friend.

Get it over with - 3 maybe 4 lines and then go no contact and move on.

Take note of the lessons Dr Harley have offered to make you a better man for the next relationship.