Don't worry about ticking him off. If he cuts off the $, you can file for an emergency support hearing. The judge will make him pay.

You'll be ok overall, just make sure you put enough funds in your own name to last a week or two while you're going through the process.

Neak,
I am going to open my own checking account. I will only put enough in there to cover any checks I write. I have some emergency money left from the safe stash. (I'm sure that is ticking him off already)My parents will help out if I need them too. I don't want to do that unless I absolutely have to. He will only blow through more money. If he asks me where that money is and why I didn't put it in the checking to pay bills I will ask him why doesn't he put the money he got from cashing in the stocks and the 401K rollover into the checking.

And now I have official permission to tick off WH. Thanks Neak!

I don't recall if you have an attorney or if you have a problem affording one, find the reduced fee assistance. In most states earned marital income during the time of a marriage is considered joint property no matter who's name's on it. So, your H cannot claim all income as his alone just because he worked and you stayed home contributing to the family by raising your children and caring for the home. You should be entitled to 50%. You're letting him freely spend your future financial stability by not challenging this legally. You have a lot to lose here.....please seek legal council on this....you really can't afford not to.

ladylonglegs,
I am going to see a lawyer next week while my mom is here. Guess who is footing the bill?
I know I am entitled to 1/2 of everything including retirement. He cashed in the stocks and rolled over the 401K with out my knowledge. I only found out through snooping. I would have found out about the 401K yesterday because the tax document came in. I don't know how long it would have taken to find out about the stocks. I haven't seen anything tax wise for it. I know he has taken some tax stuff and hid it. I found them. The crazy thing is the stuff he hid was for things he hasn't touched. I think HE has no idea how much money he has taken and from where. I have to check everything to make sure it is all there. The last thing I need is the IRS on my back.

Also I put a hold on the mail yesterday. I will be picking it up at the post office on Wednesday.

I bet he thinks it's strange that we have a few days with out any mail.

Crazy weekend.
He does have the condo and has had it for a while. He hasn't closed on it yet so they must be letting him use it until it closes. (long story about how I found out) After I found out my youngest asked me if Daddy went back to his condo townhouse. So he told the kids a day or so ago but didn't mention it to me. This is his MO. He tells one "safe" person that he doesn't have to give answers to and lets the information trickle to everyone else. That way he doesn't have to answer to anyone and gets out of dealing with the mess he is making. Once again using his own kids for his agenda.
We had a few tense conversations over the weekend.
He asked me where the $ I TOOK was. I asked him where the money he got from the stocks, 401K and cash he took out of our accounts was. He said "It's there." I said "Oh, I didn't see it I must have missed it." He called me passive aggressive. Like I didn't see that one coming. Thought of saying "Of course it's there, where is there?" but I would have gotten the same answer. I know, there is no talking to him and I am wasting my breath. My SIL has told me to answer a question with another question. I know I should but it is so crazy and out of character for me it takes some getting used to. Who would have thought being open and honest would be a bad thing. He was so po'ed about the $ he went through all my stuff looking for it. Then he was calm and friendly a few minutes later.

He came in this morning irritated. He asked me for the desk I was using. Then he said "Can I take the TV in the bedroom? I know you don't want me taking that." and he pointed to the BIG TV (that is his and I don't like it.) I said "Actually I was going to suggest you take it, it's yours and I don't want it." He said something about the kids wanting it but realized I wasn't budging on that. He said "I know you don't want me here when you parents get here but I will have to come back with some friends to move the TV" I corrected him on what I actually said (I know stupid me). Then he went on and on about remembering EXACTLY what I said and it's not like I am not known for muddling my words. People have noticed that and commented on that, even the kids. (Once again using the kids to prove his point) This is what he does to me. I know what I said, I tried to made sure the wording was not subject to interpretation. I guess there is no such thing in dealing with him. He was also hinting in his comment that "people" he has talked to now know I am not the person they think I am. I know in time they will figure out the truth.

I also used the "I'm sorry you feel that way" line and it ticked him off. He chuckled (mean chuckle) and mumbled something to the effect of "that would be something PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE you would say." (He didn't use those words but that is what he was implying)
So should I expect him to get mad when I respond to fog talk and say what I said?

He left a while ago. I got this e-mail from him just a few minutes ago. I think he is still upset with me.

Let me know when you deposit the other 4k into the account.

Also, let me know when would be a good daytime to come get the big tv you want me to get. I opted for the small tv as it would be easier to do because I can carry it myself. Me getting the big tv means you are asking me to rent a truck so I'll incur that cost.

Let me know otherwise.

Ok, first it is $3000 not $4000 and I hope he isn't holding his breath on that one.
How do I word my response on the TV and all his crap. Apparently he isn't planning on renting a truck to get the rest of his stuff. Should I make a list of things he can take and send that to him? (Do it in a nice way)

Thoughts and suggestions would be appreciated. And please keep it PG. I have a lot of NC17 suggestions running through my head already.

This is how I want to respond.
Dear WH,
Let me know when you deposit the funds you have taken into the account.

I realize you need to rent a moving truck and co-ordinate with your friends to move all of your stuff. Let me know what weekend in February works best for you and I will have someone here to let you in. I have thought about items you can take from here that will be useful for you.
Green sleep sofa. (The kids can use it when they are there)
Living room tables.
Funky chair.
Both spare dressers.
Stereo and Stereo cabinet.
TV in the Florida room.
If you can think of something else let me know.
BS

Sheesh...


Dear Mr. Jack Rear-end,

Let me know when you deposit the funds you have taken into the account.

You are absolutely right. I'll keep the large tv and you have the small tv.

What other items are you requesting to remove from your marital home?


Keep it short and sweet. Put it all on him.

Stop reacting to WS. Start acting on WS

Thanks Clark. He's a keeper isn't he? Why I am letting him go I have no idea...
I WANT him to take the big TV and ALL his crap including the items I have nicely offered to him that I also don't want. He wants me to keep the TV because it is inconvenient and will cost him money and time to move it. He wants the small TV because he has either bought or is going to buy a nice one for his place and use the small one for his room. BTW the small one he wants is the very nice flat screen from the bedroom (the nicest and newest one we own) not the 3 older ones we have in the Florida room. Only the best for him!

He has to rent a truck anyways to get all his crap out of here. I'm sure he is thinking he can leave his crap here and start over. (this is not a storage facility) Him taking all his stuff is not just about getting it out of here, it is about him dealing with his mess and not leaving it for someone else to clean up. This is what I want and will demand. If he balks at taking his stuff he will find it in the trash pile.
Can you make all that information into a short e-mail for me?

Thanks, I needed that! When I read the first quote I thought I missed someones post! BTW, can I send the first one?

Psst.... They both convey the same information. The cool thing about trying to recover your marriage is that you can send either one.

YOUR ARE IN CONTROL. YOU ACT. YOU DON'T REACT.

You really need to read Neek's Story.

Can you send me the link or point me in the right direction to find it? I want to read it later after the [censored] stops playing the doting concerned Dad and crawls back into his hole.

LGLG, I don't fully understand your sitch, so I am going to ask you some questions before I advise you. Don't do anything just yet. I know that you are going to want to answer this quickly, but I have found that it is better to have a well thought out plan and then act on it.

Okay, so are you entering Plan B on tomorrow as previously stated?

Do you still hold marital recovery as something that you might want?

Have you been Plan Aing?

Have you spoken to an attorney? Do you know what you can do legally?

Do you have everything ready for plan B?

Why are you giving your WH anything from your home when he moves out? Is it something that you need to do? He should only be taking what is HIS and his alone, no marital property.

Thanks, I will read it tonight.

Scotland I don�t fully understand my stitch. I agree with you completely on everything you say on the quote above.

No I am not because I don�t have the plan all together. I want to go dark not weak. I have not found an IM. Everyone I have asked doesn�t want to deal with him including his own sister. He FINALLY agreed to meet with her tonight. Maybe after talking to him she may change her mind.

Yes I want that if he comes out of the fog and does what it takes to make it work. Obviously, if he doesn�t I don�t. Isn�t plan B for me and if it helps bring him around great if it doesn�t I am at least healing myself?

Yes as best I can. I have been nice and have tried my best not to get sucked in when he gets angry.

I am seeing an attorney this week. My mom is coming in tomorrow night and she is going with me. I have already read up on FL laws and I am prepared for the worst. Alimony and child support are directly tied into his income. He isn�t working. I do have a copy of a job offer he got from the company he is contracting for. The problem is I don�t even know if it�s real. He could have made it himself. Seeing the lawyer will help with my plan and put it into action.

I am only giving him what is his and what I don�t want. There are items I wanted to get rid of a long time ago but he didn�t. He is only going to buy new stuff and spend more money. Maybe I will have a yard sale. The TV he wanted to take is marital property and I want that TV. That is why he is mad. He wants to take the best of everything and leave me with crap.

I had quite a few setbacks this weekend (even car problems) but want to get back on track with a solid plan before going dark.
Advise away, hit me with a few 2x4's if needed. All I want is a solid plan and peace in my life. Peace won't happen until the plan is in place.

Fwiw, I'd let him have to buy what he gets and then have your attny (if it goes to court for anything) ask him how much he spent on his new toys at apartment to show disposable income he's not possibly reporting. You could have them ask him on the stand how he paid for his new toys and where the $ came from.

My xh was self employed and they do stuff like that (lie about income of lack of income). My xh said his company was in trouble, yet he pulled in over 500k, had a lakehouse, a boat, and sportscars (luxury). But he couldn't pay his cs on time.??

Personally he would leave all the best stuff and everything but the clothes on his wayward back and send him off and begin plan B.

Lglg, you have a great perspective and sunny outlook, despite the storm you're weathering

Your post gives me some more things to think about. I had to laugh at this..
Really? They lie?

He has a lot of boxes of paperwork, books manuals and other stuff. I WILL toss it when I can legally do so but I would rather have him do the work and be faced with the huge pile. I was actually thinking of making a pile in the garage with it. This would be for ME. It will also show him how much stuff he has and he will have to make the decision of what to do with it. He leaves it, it gets tossed, not my problem.

Really? Can you tell WH that?

BTW I love your sig....