One of the more pleasant memories I have of my husband is when we took a dance class together.

I thought our relationship was getting started, and he was in affair at the time.

My date for tomorrow was at tonight's meeting. I had a chance to speak with her before it began, but I was called into service as the "M.C." for the evening had called in sick and I was asked to fill in.

After the meeting was over, I happened to spy "Mr. Ugh" creeping on her. "Mr. Ugh" is a married man who invariably finds the most attractive single woman in the room and talks and flirts with her. Disgusting.

I was particularly irked because I wanted to speak with her. Of course, I have no claim on her, but after I spoke with a number of other people I came up and "joined" in their conversation.

Oddly enough, one of the questions I wanted to ask her was answered by her during the conversation. She told him all about the dance hall and the classes. I still may wind up asking her for "private dance lessons," but that will come if it seems appropriate.

The other question I wanted to ask her is if she wanted to come to my place and watch the Super Bowl. I'm going to cook up a batch of white chicken chili.


She's teaching dance Sunday, but said in her email to me that she should be home in time for the game. Perhaps she'd like to watch it with someone and not have to worry about cooking.

But I'll have the chance to ask her that tomorrow, during our date.

Fred,

On the out side looking in, on my couch watching Harry Potter on Friday night with my 6 year old grandson, I saw a ,

When you talked about your new girl's interest in ball room dancing, and then by the time I finish reading your thread I see you've have been wise enough to identify it.

Is it a show stopper....... maybe not

If you fall in love with the craft....... certainly not


As you have fun learning to dance, (by the way it will serve you well with others as you date) it will give you the perfect opportunity to meet one of her top EN's,

That's a two edged sword, knowing how to reach her emotional needs will attract her, the key is being honest about your feelings about dancing, if you love it great!!!!! If you don't then you have to let her know that.

I say enjoy, lots of fish in the sea, and plenty of time to catch a few,

I read on a post that we need 1 year of recovery for every 5 years we were married.............OUCH !!!!!!!

I've already decided that clock started on the 1st D-day for me...........by my math I'm already 4 years into a 5 year recovery.....

I think the reality is we will need time, we are not ready to commit to a long term relationship, how long that will be,only each of us will know.


So as usual I'm looking forward to how your evening went

SC

stillcommitted, I actually like dancing. I'm just not any good at it.

I come from the days when "dancing" just meant getting out on the dance floor and shaking everything that could move. One might as well not have had a partner!

But I've been "dancing" since I was in sixth grade.

Just like anything else, I don't expect to be an expert (or even an advanced) dancer right away. But I remember watching my parents dance and thought how graceful and elegant it seemed.

So now, my date likes to dance. Why not ask her if I can be a part of that? As you so cleverly put it, the worst that can happen is that I'll become a better dancer, and thus maybe even find more potential dates if this one doesn't pan out.

A little tidbit of information she leaked tonight is that she's only been dancing for the past 7 or 8 years. And that she now teaches it means that she not only really likes it, but that she's gotten pretty good at it. So yes, it does seem to be a major EN for her. Good info to know, one way or the other.

The other part of my post -- the real reason, in fact -- was the totally disgusting behavior on the part of Mr. Ugh. I've witnessed his predictable behavior for quite some time. That a married man with three children blatantly flirts with other women -- at every %$#@*& opportunity -- is just flat-out disgusting. I fear for his wife and their marriage.

(Mr. Ugh is also manic-depressive. He's on stabilizing meds and just to hear him prattle on and on just makes my eyes glaze over. Sadly, he's a tall, dark and handsome type and many people tolerate him).

I'm sure your girl sees right thru him.

I know it's the others your worried about,

And from our side if he and his W would start to work on things they could reconnect before the nuclear blast goes off in their lives.

Maybe the opportunity will present itself where you might be able to gently nudge them in that direction one of these days.

by the way I haven't seen a ball room dancer that wasn't hot !!! at least on tv......

And what's up with the pew girl..... still winking at her too???

Hey, stillcommitted. I'm sure she saw right through him; neither of them are new to the meeting. My irritation was based on two separate issues:

• This is a married guy. Not withstanding that he ALWAYS seeks out the attractive women, his behavior is just WRONG, and
• I had hoped to speak with her myself.

OK, so the second issue is purely selfish, and I'll have her undivided attention on our date.

I've been trying to understand my reaction. I can only presume it was jealousy I was feeling. I'm not proud or happy of my emotional response. As I said earlier, I have no claim on her and thus I think I'm being a little irrational. I need to check my impulse -- which I think I did, actually -- but I'm not happy that I find myself this "involved" at such an early stage.

As for "pew lady," she's been absent from church the past couple of Sundays, so there's been no progress in that regard.

Fred,

I don't think it's jealousy, I think it's all about this guy not understanding boundaries. He's the type that will create misery in a lot of people's lives given a chance, he'll troll til he hooks one.
How could you not get irritated by that.

You know you said something in an earlier post about the leopard being your best friend and how you miss that aspect of a relationship, I have lost my best friend as well, and of the things I have lost that is one of the saddest for me. Developing that type of bond is not easy and that takes time, and I would hope that you can develop that with someone else, It took me a couple of years to develop that with my stbxWW,

As things move along I hope you can find that connection again, I always enjoyed being married to by best friend and wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Way to early to be thinking that deep, your just suppose to be working on a few dance moves !!!!

I would find it hard to believe anyone on this site not getting irritated at his type of behavior.

You're absolutely right, stillcommitted. Right now, I'm just working on being friends.

I like a woman's company. I have guy friends, I sponsor guys (and I have a male sponsor) but there isn't the same type of companionship possible (for me, at least) as there is with a woman.

Color me weird, or maybe just old, but I'm not in the hunt for "sexual conquests." I'd much rather be friends with a woman first, even if it never goes any further.

There are some women with whom I have to be careful, because while I like them as friends, I sometimes sense they would like something more -- maybe not with me, but that's their goal -- and I'm not drawn to them in that way.

And married women -- well, they are just flat-out out of bounds!

EDITED TO ADD: Don't get me wrong -- I'd like something more than just a "friend" relationship some day, but with me, friendship has to come first!

I have allways hated those idiots Fred. I can tell you of my experiences but really you seem to have it down as to what the guy is like and allready hate watching it.

I bet your protective instincts have a lot to do with this, as did mine, but remember that you can't save the world, and you can only report to any authorities offenses that are clearly, and I mean clearly against the moral code and or laws. You may be right about him, but as you know a lot of people will not do anything untill real obvious damage has occured.

It sucks I know, your not alone watching this crap happen. Prayers for you.

Sounds like mature accually. Sexual conquests? Lol. I'm right there with ya Fred, I'm not that insecure either.

Fred, one of the most important things about self development and growth is just being "aware" of your feelings in the first place. From there, you can dig deeper and try to figure out what those feelings are telling you.

I agree that many of us would be upset at just the mere fact that the married creep was flirting with anyone, especially someone whom you're interested in.

As far as the "claim on her", you already figure it out that you don't have any claim, and what she does is up to her. That is a healthy mindset.

Fred- observing how she acts when the creep approaches her also offers excellent insight to you about how HER boundaries are.

Was she appropriate with him? Flirtatious? PLay into it? Repulsed? etc. I would think her reaction to him would be very revealing to her character...and would also be a factor in either alieviating or increasing your stress/discomfort about him.

Oh, and have a great time on your date!!

Thanks, Sidney. Nice insights, too!

No, she was very reserved and polite. But she's like that most of the time. She neither displayed any flirtatious behavior, nor did she display any discomfort. She knows he's married (and I did offer him while the three of us were chatting two free tickets to the auto show "for he and his wife") so I think she simply talked with him as one might during a cocktail party or reception.

Our date tonight was a mixed bag. It turns out the restaurant requires reservations and I hadn't made any. I apologized and we went elsewhere. The good news is that she said that perhaps a week day would be better? I take that as opening to ask her out during the week...

She also made another comment that pleased me. At one point she said "dinner and a meeting was a perfect date." That she acknowledged us having a date and not just sharing the same "friend experiences" I thought was a positive note.

At one point she said that tomorrow's game was probably going to be the only football game this year that she actually watched (she's from Wisconsin -- and I brought her a Green Bay Packers balloon when I came to pick her up). She said she was planning on making chili dogs.

I told her I was going to be making some white chicken chili, and that if she didn't feel like cooking and watching the game alone, she was welcome to come to my place, as I'd have more than enough. She is teaching a class tomorrow afternoon and probably won't get home until right around kickoff time. Basically, she declined, but I left the invitation open and said that if she had a change of mind, all she had to do was pick up the phone. I don't expect her to do so, but I'm prepared if she does.

So did Ballroom show up ?????

And was the church lady in her pew today?????

Great game regardless,

I sent her a message about 6:20 saying I had gotten a late start on the chili, that it wouldn't be done until about 7:00 and the invitation was still open. She replied that she had just gotten home and needed to get some things done, but thanks. Pretty much what I expected.

Church lady was there, and we spoke briefly, but nothing else.

Yes, it was a pretty good game. And I have quite a bit of chili left over!

Fred,

I will say that i met someone who has had such bad luck dating on the internet that she said she would almsot date anyone who wasn't sitting on a motorcycle. . . but we hit it off as we are both sort of looking for each other. And I have had enough dating mistakes and experience trying to get better, that I am actually getting better, i did more righ tthis time than ever before. The biggest help, outcome independent, just practicing meeting people and trying to get more comfortable in social settings. . . great practice, and i don't worry about the outcome anymore. .

wiftty

Thanks, WIFTTY. I find that when I have the urge to move ahead too quickly I have to squash it. Fortunately, that's not real hard to do.

After the trainwreck, I'm a lot more careful crossing the tracks these days.

Ballroom lady is nice, friendly and she's given me no indication that she DOESN'T like spending time with me. But then she's also given me no indication that she's in a real hurry to get into a relationship, either.

Which is perfect. Oh, maybe sometimes I'd like something a little deeper, but I remind myself that "stinking thinking" gets me into no good. So, I'll continue to spend time with her as my time and hers permits. And if something develops, it will. If not, well, I'm getting good practice...

Fred,
I haven't had a chance to mention that something had occurred to me about Ballroom Lady that hasn't been mentioned here. Some time ago you said she gave you a schedule to coordinate possible times you could get together.
Is it possible that another motive for providing you with that was so that you could attend some of the events? I know performers are sometimes humble about asking people to come to their performances.
Also on that note: you've been talking about learning to BR dance, which is fantastic. However, in order for you to have this activity be UA time, it may be you taking a more passive participatory role.
--All this is depending on what level she's dancing/competing/etc.
The thought did occur to me for your consideration.

Opt

Thanks, opt. I've thought along those lines as well. She gave me some new information the other day: There is a ballroom where public dances are held on weekends. Before each dance a dance lesson is given, which is part of the entry fee (not expensive, about $10 to attend). Sometimes she teaches, but usually as a substitute.

There is a web site (a real surprise, huh?) that lists the schedule of dances. I'm thinking of going -- likely to one that she's already committed to going -- but now I have to decide whether I want to tell her I plan on going, or to just show up.

My feeling is that surprising her by showing up is NOT a good idea. But letting her know that I plan on going without making her feel like I have an expectation of it being a date or her somehow focusing on my presence is something I haven't yet figured out how to do.