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Fred- I hope you have a great time on your date. Just be yourself and have fun!! I had to chuckle a little reading your posts re: trying to figure out about calling/her responding, etc. Sounds so familiar- I never dreamed I'd be out in the dating world again and sometimes feel like I'm in High School again trying to figure it all out. You're doing great! And we expect a full report!
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And we expect a full report! Well, I just got home and it's late, so I don't know how full this is going to be, but I thought I'd pop in here for a moment, at least... I picked up a nice, cheery bouquet of colorful flowers for her. In our last phone conversation she had expressed a little twinge of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Not that she's a sufferer, but just that this time of year is a bit dreary. So I gave her the flowers and said "it's hard to feel dreary when you've got something cheery." We then had dinner at my favorite Mexican restaurant. She ate every bite, and honestly seemed to enjoy it. She offered to split the payment but I would not hear of it. Then we went to a meeting at the hospital where I used to volunteer. After the meeting I asked her if she felt like dessert and she not only agreed, but even suggested a place. This restaurant is open 24 hours a day. We had coffee and dessert and talked about a wide range of topics (much like we had done during dinner). This time she insisted on paying. I told her I was going to object, but not strenuously. So she paid. When I dropped her off it was 11:30. She asked if I wanted to come in, but I knew she was feeling tired and had to walk her dogs, so I thanked her but said I should probably be on my way. We both said we'd had a great time, and even though I didn't ask for another specific date, we have an open-ended agreement to go out again. All in all, I had a very nice time with her, and I plan to call her tomorrow (today?) to re-affirm this and perhaps set up another date. So, how did I do?
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words. St. Francis of Assissi
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Been sitting up drumming my fingers,checking my watch, and then I see you made curfew by 37min, so I'm not grounding you this time.
Glad you had a great time.
Me BS 54 XWW 51 Divorce final 1/9/12 DS26 DS24 Twin DD's22 Married 29years D-dates No1 01/2007, No2 08/2008(ongoing)
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I picked up a nice, cheery bouquet of colorful flowers for her. In our last phone conversation she had expressed a little twinge of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Not that she's a sufferer, but just that this time of year is a bit dreary. So I gave her the flowers and said "it's hard to feel dreary when you've got something cheery." ..So, how did I do? You get 10 points for the "sweet and corny bravest line of the day" with that one. It takes a lot of courage to deliver that one. Nah you did great Fred, sounded perfect. Keep us updated
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You did a good job!
Thanks for the update.
Me: BS 51 Himself: WH 53, EA/PA w/ RunnerSlut his "running buddy." Buncha' kids. The two youngest are still minors. Separated: 08/13/09 after 25 years of marriage Plan D: Filed 11/13/09 Final 3/30/11 MC told me that he probably has a personality disorder
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Very well executed Fred! And the flowers were the perfect touch.
Glad you had a nice night with what sounds like really nice company!
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Very well executed Fred! And the flowers were the perfect touch.
Glad you had a nice night with what sounds like really nice company! I must admit the differences between this woman and my WxW are profound! This one has a college degree, is disciplined, has a great appetite (but watches her diet and exercises regularly) and has personal interests and friends that she keeps regularly. There is a very sweet side to her, but she tends to be very quiet and reserved in group/company situations. Getting to know her is turning into a lot of fun!
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words. St. Francis of Assissi
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Wow Fred, she sounds like a pretty good date. She doesn't sound flaky. She offered to carry her weight with the bill. She offered a suggestion for a place to go for dessert. It sounds like she's a good "partner" so far.
What do the two of you have in common?
D-yr fall 06-fall 07 Separated 10/2010 Him-several affairs, last one 3/2011 Divorced filed 3/2011, final 3/2012 Formerly "Mopey". http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2013149&page=1After a 4 yr FR, it became CLEAR to me of what you can look for in a FR. And that is the absence of POJA, and/or if your spouse tramples on your boundaries. If someone is not willing to do POJA with you, and they don't respect your boundaries, imo, the relationship is doomed.
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Getting to know her is turning into a lot of fun! Yay! Is she getting to know you too Fred? Does she want to know YOU?
D-yr fall 06-fall 07 Separated 10/2010 Him-several affairs, last one 3/2011 Divorced filed 3/2011, final 3/2012 Formerly "Mopey". http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2013149&page=1After a 4 yr FR, it became CLEAR to me of what you can look for in a FR. And that is the absence of POJA, and/or if your spouse tramples on your boundaries. If someone is not willing to do POJA with you, and they don't respect your boundaries, imo, the relationship is doomed.
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Is she getting to know you too Fred? Does she want to know YOU? That's a GREAT question, MJ. I think we're getting to know each other as a result of having the time together, just the two of us. Does she WANT to get to know me? That's another one that's a little tougher to answer. Last night she did ask some questions, and during dessert they were more than just "fluff." How do I feel about this, what is my opinion of that -- that sort of stuff. This was only our third date. And the first that was nearly all "just us." I am constantly telling myself to take it slow and let things unroll by themselves. Last night as we parted, she gave me a hug, which was a bit "warmer" than before. I know that some people (like the book I named this thread after) caution against hugging, but I don't usually take them for much more than a handshake equivalent. But last night it just seemed she held tighter and a little longer than what I would consider to be a "normal" hug. I called her about 30 minutes ago and left a message on her VM. I said that I'd had a great time last night, and that I'd like to take her to a place we talked about. So I've put it out there...
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words. St. Francis of Assissi
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Good. Sounds like by her asking your opinion about something, and wondering how you feel about something, she is trying to get to know you. Just checking. I love that you called her and told her that you enjoyed your evening together. I like that. Sounds like things are going nicely. Slow is good. Have you seen ANY red flags at all?
D-yr fall 06-fall 07 Separated 10/2010 Him-several affairs, last one 3/2011 Divorced filed 3/2011, final 3/2012 Formerly "Mopey". http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2013149&page=1After a 4 yr FR, it became CLEAR to me of what you can look for in a FR. And that is the absence of POJA, and/or if your spouse tramples on your boundaries. If someone is not willing to do POJA with you, and they don't respect your boundaries, imo, the relationship is doomed.
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Have you seen ANY red flags at all? She likes rhubarb pie. I prefer cherry or raspberry. (But in the absence of any rhubarb pie, she had cherry pie last night).
Last edited by Fred_in_VA; 01/23/11 02:32 PM. Reason: Parenthetical comment added.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words. St. Francis of Assissi
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I'm glad you're having a good time with it. If it ceases to be fun, time to move on. It's good that you're taking it slow, getting to know each other. And it sounds like she's a good choice, mentally and physically healthy.
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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She likes rhubarb pie.
I prefer cherry or raspberry.
(But in the absence of any rhubarb pie, she had cherry pie last night). Lol. So far, so good. Nothing major. Now, in the time being, in between dates, are you living in your present and having fun, without concentrating too much on future dates?
D-yr fall 06-fall 07 Separated 10/2010 Him-several affairs, last one 3/2011 Divorced filed 3/2011, final 3/2012 Formerly "Mopey". http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2013149&page=1After a 4 yr FR, it became CLEAR to me of what you can look for in a FR. And that is the absence of POJA, and/or if your spouse tramples on your boundaries. If someone is not willing to do POJA with you, and they don't respect your boundaries, imo, the relationship is doomed.
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Now, in the time being, in between dates, are you living in your present and having fun, without concentrating too much on future dates? Absolutely! In fact, there is another woman I'm interested in getting to know better. She's the one in church. She was there today, and we had some brief "flirtation" (smiles, winks) but she left while I was helping pack up. We are currently spending four weeks on Acts 2:41-42 and next Sunday are having a church "pep rally breakfast" in place of the first service. I'm hoping she shows up and I get to ask her to sit with me at my table. The rest of my life continues as well. I've been doing a lot of running (20 miles last week -- not great, but pretty good for January) and I'm doing a lot of work to get this business re-launched. I have meetings Monday, Tuesday and possibly Wednesday, as well as my weekly Thursday lunch meeting, so there's plenty to keep my mind occupied. I'm leaving weekends for my social life, and with the football season winding down, that will allow me even more time to pursue women company.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words. St. Francis of Assissi
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Great! I shall not worry about you then Fred. Happy moving forward....
D-yr fall 06-fall 07 Separated 10/2010 Him-several affairs, last one 3/2011 Divorced filed 3/2011, final 3/2012 Formerly "Mopey". http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2013149&page=1After a 4 yr FR, it became CLEAR to me of what you can look for in a FR. And that is the absence of POJA, and/or if your spouse tramples on your boundaries. If someone is not willing to do POJA with you, and they don't respect your boundaries, imo, the relationship is doomed.
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..Last night she did ask some questions, and during dessert they were more than just "fluff." How do I feel about this, what is my opinion of that -- that sort of stuff.
Yeah she want to know who you are.
This was only our third date. And the first that was nearly all "just us." ...
So really this was the first date then.
... caution against hugging, but I don't usually take them for much more than a handshake equivalent. But last night it just seemed she held tighter and a little longer than what I would consider to be a "normal" hug.
Thats sweet , be gentle with this one, sounds like she likes you. I agree about the handshake thing, especially on a date.
I called her about 30 minutes ago and left a message on her VM. I said that I'd had a great time last night, and that I'd like to take her to a place we talked about. So I've put it out there...
Easy and breezy, and following up, Good Fred
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Fred, I am so glad to find you out there having fun! Seems like I can only get online once a month or so, and your story encourages me.
"If you will stop feeding your feelings, then they will stop controlling you" -Joyce Meyer
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We had snowfall yesterday and last night. Not the blizzard like last year, but for some reason, traffic snarls were horrendous. And I lost my beautiful cryptomeria japonica I'd planted in the back yard a couple of years ago. I decided to call her. I'd been thinking about it much of the afternoon (I spent most of the morning shoveling snow). I thought of something I wanted to say to her, so I picked up the phone. She'd been snowed in and the plows hadn't come all day. We spoke for about an hour. I forgot what I wanted to say to her.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words. St. Francis of Assissi
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Great News Fred!
Isn't it nice to 'click' with someone again? I'll bet that hour seemed like 5 minutes!
Last edited by Powerbane; 01/27/11 07:42 PM.
Me - 46 Wife - 43 2 x DD Married 18 yrs - known each other for 22 yrs Woke up 12/2009 and realized I was an idiot for neglecting my WIFE!
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