A month ago, my wife had an affair with the manager at a local grocery store. Luckily when she was alone with him she did not have sex.. It got close but she yelled at him (got the texts to prove it she still loved me and she was in a bad matter of judgement). She broke doreen and told me everything as I was driving away to file for divorce that very instant once she told me. I told her I will stay and work at it.. She told me who it was and instantly told his wife.. She called my wife to know details and I was able to successfully bomb the affair and win back my wife. Now we are working out the problems.. My question is, my libido has significantly dropped, will I get it back? I have been intimate since the affair a few times but it still seems a little low.. Is that normal?

It is normal for ERicG, which is really all that matters. BS's take massive blows to their egos on discovering their spouse's infidelity. Where the "bruises" from those blows choose to manifest themselves varies. For some the impulses are evident in precisely opposing form to yours - look up Hysterical Bonding for a full explanation. For me, it unleashed barely restrained murderous/suicidal impulses.

I suffered through those times without finding this community, so I envy you the fact that you're here already because you have the opportunity to come here for support and comradeship.

You've been given a ticket to a carnival ride the likes of which you've probably never imagined. Keep hands and legs inside the car, and do not get out until coming to a complete and total stop.

Normal to be horny as a monkey and just as normal to not be able to finish what one starts and every other way possible.

Individual reactions to trama. There are only so many ways people can react.

The way you are reacting is not odd, you're not the first person to act this way.

Normal for you is the way you are reacting. Recovery is a two to five year process.

Some people go at it like rabbits, known as hysterical bonding. HB.

Some don't go through this phase till maybe months after.

Some never go through HB.

Either way HB lasts up to six months.

With time as trust and healing take place feelings recover.

Okay I think were still in recovery mode, she finally told me that her text "i don't know what sex is" meant. the om was about to have sexual intercourse but he exploded on the van floor. She broke down and balled and said forgive me, I am a bad wife. She has had no contact as I have installed key loggers.. Plus I monitor the phone hill's for odd numbers.. She been staying at her dads house when I at work. She is upset when she found out the om had several other women, too.. Now her withdrawal seems lifted. Her story has not changed so I am starting to believe she has told me everything. Especially since I keep making her cry when I keep asking about it.. Now I am concentrating on how to be a husband to her.

My question is, should we move out of town? The om works at the local grocery store. His wife knows the truth and he is now trying to salvage his marriage.

If possible, move. No contact for life between affair partners is a very important component to recovery. If your W sees OM every time she goes to the grocery store, her feelings for him will trigger over and over.

Have you read the book, "Surviving an Affair?". If not, I highly recommend it.

On the plus side, it appears as though there is no contact between WW and OM and that WW is remourseful. But it sounds as if she is more sorry about OM's additional women that in her own behavior.


Finally, I think it is very likely your wife is lying to you about not having sex. And she is crying so you will stop asking about it. She does not want to trip up by not remembering exactly what lie she told.


Neverguessed talked about the rollercoaster. Sorry you are on it.

AM

Her story is not believable so I would strongly recommend you schedule a polygraph. When a WS's story doesn't make sense, it is usually because it is a lie. Her tears are not convincing.


Yes, you should move. And neither of you should go into that store ever again.


How do you know his wife knows? Have you personally spoken to her?

Ditto what she said.

EG -

One more "notify" needed, to have the mods merge this with your other thread now correctly position on SAA.

Please tell me more about this key loggers thing....my HB is very secretive about this and I need to know if another affair is going on...thanks

Update--Its been over a year now and things are looking good. The OM has moved far away and his wife is now an ex-wife. My wife has had zero contact since exposure. Our child was born, AJ, very healthy, and is genetically mine (tested). Since then my wife has been active in helping out her friends with their marriage problems using MB content. I am currently helping a friend break up his wife's affair. I'm hoping he will join this forum but I think he is giving up honestly.

I want to say thanks everyone for helping me so long ago. You guys do a fantastic job. I'm a testimony to the fact that a wayward spouse can fall back in love with you and that a marriage can be restored.

Congratulations !!!

Well done, ERic! (Remember to keep up your UA time!)

Eric,

Thanks for the positive update. It is so good to have sucessful examples to show folks that arrive at MB with not much hope.

AM