My divorce came as a result of an affair in which my husband said he was in love with the OW and nothing would change that. I had to force him to move out. After 15 months of dragging his feet I finally had to file for divorce despite my protests that he should do it since he was the cheater.

Three days after the divorce XWH moved to another state to live with OW. Six weeks after the divorce he married her.

Will it last? He says she's the love of his life. He gave up so much (two sons for one thing) to be with her. Will their marriage succeed? Does "love" trump all? I'd like to hear from those whose X has remarried the affair partner and how those marriages are working.

One question I would have asked is if she is the love of his life and he couldn't wait to marry her, why did he drag his feet in your divorce. You would have thought he would have jumped right in.

Sound like he just got married because he needs someone to take care of him.

My father did marry his OP and they've been married at least 15 years (I purposely don't recall the date). I honestly can't imagine my father not being married....he couldn't take care of himself.

Another friend's ex has been remarried just as long. His OP was a pitt bull attorney who helped him fleece his exwife...I'm sure by now he's figured out he can't leave her. :-)

Reva, statistically the affairage has a very low chance of survival, about 30%. Most of these affairages do not work because the very traits that made them possible, dishonesty, thoughtlessness, deceit eventually destroy the affairage.

I am sure he does "love" her now, but it won't last for long when reality intrudes. Hopefully you exposed the affair wide and far so they can't pretend like they are decent.

I wouldn't give it high hopes.

By any word I've had (second-hand; I am in permanent Plan B), the A was over before our D was final.

WxW went to court to get her name changed.

I guess she figures that makes her better "bait" now.

My WXH did marry OW. WXH divorced me and a year later OW divorced her husband, too. They have been married now for 5 years. They had a civil ceremony at the courthouse, with neither of their families in attendance, except our 2 young sons (who are now teenagers) Nothing wrong with a civil ceremony, but X was brought up in a devout pentacostal family. What is strange is, she doesn't come with him back to visit his family (which is where he usually keeps OUR boys on his weekends).

To answer your question, I have heard the 30% statistic but I have to say that my experience has not been that case. My uncle left my aunt and married the OW 16 years ago. My father married his OW and they are together for 3 married years now (maybe not long enough to tell yet). And of course in my case, they have been married 5 years. I DO think he definitely has regrets, but he gave up so much to be with her that I am sure he will stay with her so as to not look stupid for what he lost.

In the beginning, I preoccupied myself with wondering if they were going to make it, but now I just realize that I am a much better person without him, so what does it matter?

Sorry you are going through this. It will get better.

I am actually OK and it has gotten so much better since those horrific first weeks and months after discovering the affair. It will still take time, but I'm doing a pretty good job of creating a new normal for myself and my boys.

I asked the question because I really am curious about how many people find "true love" and are willing to give up so much. We, as betrayed spouses, see the infidelity in a different light certainly and the behavior of the XWS is devastating and foreign but is it worth the cost for some XWS's? Can they really be happy with the OP or does guilt and giving up their past take its toll? Is there anyone here whose X re-married, divorced and came back or tried to re-connect?

I have to say I don't wish my WXH an unhappy life. My life will not be improved by him being miserable. I want him to be alright so he's alright for our children. Despite being hurt, I do want as good a relationship as possible between my sons and their Dad.

I was able to disrupt my x's first known A with exposure. It continued underground to some extent but the "magic" was gone and it evidently fizzled. Meanwhile her pathetic wayward attitude continued by intensifying a "friendship" with another eligible bachelor (I knew where that was going from the outset and this relationship wound up spelling the demise of our M). Anyway, that friendship which consisted of daily coffee, smoking together, going shopping from time to time and even tanning together, various activities with the kids (he has 2 of the same ages as ours), has evidently gone south. Even now that xww is D'd and fully capable of smoking her wayward little lungs out with prince Nicotene, I don't know that they are ever together. I should know, he's my neighbor and his car's almost always in the driveway.
That's the data I have to add to your study.

Optimism

I do know a couple who divorced, the husband married someone else, and then he divorced her and remarried his first wife.

In their case, their divorce was mostly due to the fall-out of having a handicapped child. When I first met the man, he was married to his second wife. He wasn't terribly happy with her, but was pretty much willing to put up with anything because he didn't want to get divorced again.

The man was a co-worker of my husband's and I didn't see him for a couple of years and then the next time I saw him was after he had remarried his first wife. They were very, very happy.

I think that scenario would be much less likely to happen if the divorce was due to adultery. I cannot imagine ever being able to trust my WstbXH again.

Of course, my WS would need a personality transplant, too. He's just not a nice person.

Nope, but he's still with the skank...personally I think they deserve each other and each other's drama.

My stbx will be most likely marrying an OW in the future. He told me he wants an intimate relationship with someone, he just doesn't think it should be me apparently. So, he thinks the grass is greener on the other side, is leaving me for someone else, and I have no doubt that he will remarry.

Whether or not his future marriage will last, I have no clue.

my xh is still with his OW 4 years later.... been divorced 15 months now. His OW didn't know his divorce was even final for 6 months after it was final apparently.... hahaha.... anyways like you i had to file after 18months of trying to make it work. But OW was the love of his life.... atleast that is what i was told... AWESOME right.... at any rate i do occassionally still ask if they will stay together... get that twinge of why was she better then me but then realize she got the worst of my xh and i had the best of him. He will stay with her because he has nothing now.

Interesting, Stronger ThanB4 ... I think my husband told his family and OW and her family that we were divorced long before we actually were. In January of 2010 I, by mistake, changed my status to "divorced" on my Facebook page. That change immediately went onto my status update and I quickly removed it and wrote a note about how I was not divorced, but separated and that my husband and I hadn't even decided on when/if we would file. His aunt (a FB friend of mine) emailed me to say, "What do you mean you're not divorced, I thought this was all settled?" She was very, very suprised so apparently he had led others to believe our marriage was long over. We didn't actually divorce for another 11 months.

Why does it matter?
If you're divorced now...would it offer you some level of satisfaction knowing your ex-husband's current relationship failed too? He cheated on you...and prob would again...feel glad you're out of the marriage and move on. What he does now in his personal life (other than with the kids) should no longer be your concern.

Would it be better if he met someone new (other than the OW) and married them?

What is it you want out of knowing if he does (or doesn't) stay with this new woman?

For the record (and in the respect of full disclosure)...my wife and I both cheated on each other. She is not with the OM anymore (he broke it off)...I am still with the OW. So there...that's out of the way.

Goodness. Somehow your response doesn't surprise me given the fact you committed adultery and lack any sort of remorse over your actions. It seems it sort of struck a nerve with you though. Just for the record my WxH did marry his OW, but I have heard straight from the horses's mouth so to speak that they do have have problems and it is not the romantic dream they envisioned. And to be honest, I do find it satisfying to know their relationship, well, for lack of a better word, sucks a lot of the time. It's satisfying in the same way seeing a heartless criminal get his or her due is satisfying. You can call that petty if you want, but I would think that the need for a little bit of justice after experiencing a betrayal like that is pretty understandable for most people. Though I would not expect someone like you to really comprehend that since you have a vested interest in justifying your abhorrent behavior.

Short answer: nope!
It'll last five years or less. Count on it.
Longer answer: My WXW is living with and had a baby with OM #2. She is losing everything now because of her "instant gratification" lifestyle that she feels she is entitled to now. Bankruptcy is looming, she has lost most of her friends, and the one that remains told me that she's "sick of [OM] not doing anything to help out". Friend commented that was the first time she heard some honesty about OM from my WXW....
I give THEM 1 more year - for a grand total of 3.

Captain 76, I do understand what you're saying, although I don't think it's realistic to expect one to just move on, without any thought to the last 17 years and two children and three states and multiple jobs and hundreds and hundreds of nights sleeping side by side and hundreds and hundreds of days talking and sharing and loving and doing whatever needs to be done together.

It's only been two months since my divorce was final. It's only been two months since my XH moved away from me and our children. It's only been THREE WEEKS since he married the OW. Give me a little time, OK?

Hey Confuzed I remember you!
On Jan 21 you wrote this to me:
And then encouraged me to do mediation which turned out to be the best way for sure, at least it was for me.
One year later - THANKS for your post back then, I was getting a LOT of advice and couldn't respond directly to all of it but what you said was so helpful.
And one year later it's still poignant (even to this thread). No reason to go out of your way, the WS's meet their own demise as a natural course. Not that it even matters; we just focus on ourselves and things fall into place.
Opt

Spoken like a true adulterer..

What is it she wants out of knowing? She wants justice. Decent people rejoice when justice is served. And if justice were served, the filthy affair would fall apart as do most affairs. When you consort with a slimebag, slimy things happen.

Reva, two months or ten years, you will still be decent and you will still want to see justice meted out on his sorry adulterous head. There is great joy is seeing a sleazy affair crumble. And don't mind Captain76, he is just uneasy about his own future. Surely he realizes if his OW will do it with him, she will do it with others.

Captain always seems to come up with a different take on things than the rest of us, I'm not sure why he lurks here when his stance is so different than MBers.

It is an interesting question...how the affairages go. Considering God's principles and that it's built on breaking them, it doesn't seem that blessings can follow...
JMO