Me too.
Thanks.

Whats a link?

J/K

Good to hear DrH's take on the Love Bank in Plan B for a BS.

BTW, I already KNEW that Mulan was right. I could "feel" it. It was like an AH-HA moment when she said that she still feels love for her WH. Knowing that someone, whom I respect so well, and who, in my VHO, has done a GREAT job at personal recovery, also holds a love for her WH, made me feel "normal" and on track.

Not, I guess you found your "voice" afterall.

It sounded like Maria had another question today, or else I caught a rebroadcast, or am confused about what I was listening to. It was another Plan B question.

Maria, glad to know you're reading. We'd love to have you log in and join the discussion.

That's it, exactly.

Unrequited love leaves you feeling stoopit (because what good does it do?), and starving (because you are starved of ENs), and with an overwhelming sense of rejection (because the best you had meant absolutely nothing).

But it's still there, and it's a part of you, and you don't want to lose anything more. You've already lost enough. And it's nothing to be ashamed of. At least you know you have a heart. WS/XWS have - what?

This is why it can take a BS/XBS a long, long time to "move on". Please be patient with us. We be tryin'.

Well, thanks - that's awfully nice of you to say. Though of course, even a stopped clock is right twice a day!

How do you tell the time on the moon?

LOL! This sounds like a question one of my kids would have asked when they were younger!

Good times!

My HUMBLE apology to any Plan B'er who has been on the receiving end of my ignorant impatience.

Your tender hearts deserve our (my) respect.

Just to opine in on my Plan B experience. To me the love I feel for my POSWH has two points.

1) My WH is deployed, the affair happened during deployment, and he is still seeing POSOW daily. I have no chance of any recovery because of the situation. My WH has not experienced his life without me and our four kids in the States yet. His deployment has caused an out of sight/out of mind mentality. He used his deployment to abandon me and the kids because he has no sense of reality at the moment. There are 25 soldiers that have created this small little family. Once they return and every goes back to their normal life; I pray my husband will feel the devastation he caused. His dung fog is deep while still deployed.

2) I have four small kids with this man, so my love for WH is not really for him, but the sake of my family. I am willing to fall back in love with WH romatically even though he has done the most deplorable things possible, because the greatest gift I could give my children is their family. I am believe in my vows still, and I believe forgiving my WH will allow my children the best possible future to thrive.

I have done everything to kill the affair that can be done. I filed adultery charges, told all his unit buddies (CONUS/OCONUS), emailed all our friends, told my POSMIL/SIL (who love POSOW and her POSMom ... ). Today I am still holding out hope that when they return from their fantasy deployment there may be a chance my WH sees the light of day, or she dumps him, or he finally finds GOD.


Before WH deployed we just welcomed our fourth baby, and we actually had an okay marriage. Give me one married couple that have a great marriage while they are raising small babies? I know I met many of his EN's and I know when I accomplish his most important EN (physical appearance) he will feel something. I just pray. If not then I will look pretty darn sexy for a MB husband !!!

I just pray everyday when he returns and is away from MIL/SIL (possibly POSOW) he will wake up out of his dung fog and come back to us. I am filing for divorce based on adultery to drag out the divorce, depose POSOW, and hopefully within a couple years my family can be whole.

I have my EP's ready, and my love is there and waiting.

At this moment it is in the hands of GOD. Like many of you I have my timeline when I will officially give up.

Let me know if you see problems with my Plan B. I am hoping I am following the plan well, and my marriage can still be recovered.

God Bless!!

I just want to bump this so I can find it again tomorrow and finish reading.

Looking back at this thread, which was started just a few months ago, makes me realize how far I have come.

Thank you to all who posted on this topic. Once I realized that I could still love my WH and be in a rock solid Plan B, I released that and was able to move forward.

With the help of this AWESOME community, I have not only been able to SURVIVE my WH's A, I have begun to THRIVE.

This is where I hope to be soon. I know I'm being pretty unreasonable to think that it will happen right away since I've only been in Plan B since Wednesday, but there's no harm in having goals, dreams, aspirations...LOL

I will say that my Plan B came as a total shock to my WW. She had just called me the day before to talk about DD. It was quick and brief. Then the next day, I fell off the face of the earth.

And this is how it's done folks.

Obviously, this wasn't a literal description of what happen, but in some ways, it's kinda what it feels like. I think my timing couldn't have been better. What really made me decide was the week before she'd told me she was blocking my number from her phone. Then on Tuesday, she called and I realized that I couldn't call her if I wanted to. That was it.

Mark - Congrats on Plan B. Your health is going to skyrocket, and you will begin to feel so much better by the 4th of July.

Keep coming here for all your concerns, thoughts, vents, ideas, and anything else in between.

We are rooting for you, and hope this will snap your WW out of her fog.

God Bless Tough

But yet thats what it is supposed to feel like. WW probably won't feel it to the depth you do, but the message is clear. "I'm done with this crap at this level". You made a self-respecting descision, now the question is will she?

You allready know its up to her and that now she is left with her consequences she chose. You have provided her with a stable place to come back to, if she so chooses it, because you made the right choice. You don't take that treatment, does she want that kind of life?

Hats off to the dark plan Bs and thier healing properties.

Hang in there. We all know its hard at first but it gets better. All the way around.

I hope so. The 4th of July will begin a very tough period. It's the deadline for me to come up with my $300 to begin mediation. It follows the weekend of her family reunion. Three days later is WW b-day. The 11th is DD b-day. So needless to say, I hope that I am very much so at a different place.

Ok, my WH had two As. This one is lasting a long time. I suspect, like you do in the quote above, that WH could have had other As thru our entire M. But why is this OW so much more special than the one he had before?
He left his family for this one and he is still with her.
Also in some other post on this thread Dr. H says that WS will always be in love with OP...but I doubt this about my WH. If he had many OWs is he stil going to feel "hot" for them all?
And lastly...WH feels nothing for me and has demonstrated this many many times thru cruelty and total indifference...why can he have feelings for all his OW and not for his wife?
blessing