Good feedback. "WXH" Got it.

I had an IM a couple of years ago, but I often broke my plan as I thought I was stronger and I could convince him to come home. I was wrong and I ended up feeling worse and probably making his affair stronger.

I have little contact with him for the past 4 months. I recommitted to going darker for my own recovery and I have done much better.

I actually thought he would not have been there, as it was much later than he was supposed to be there.

In hindsight I could have just driven around the block and waited.
I could have sent an email reiterating my boundaries, but I wanted to tell him to his face not to come into my house. My thinking at the time was to 'not be afraid of him.' Not quite sure that is all about -- going to have to explore that.

Interestingly, hearing two days ago that he was at a movie actually bothered me more. Its really hard to not hear about his life because of the kids.

How do people handle being completely dark when there are kids?

One other note, on the positive, I think. I got AAA this fall for the first time to take care of me. I had a dead battery yesterday and it felt so good to know that I had a back up,someone to call and it all worked out!

Nothing exceptional to share (or maybe it is), but I am just having a good day.

A simple, honest, good day.

I think that is worth celebrating, don't you?!

I absolutely agree, BF.

I'm fond of saying "There are no such things as good days or bad days. There are just days. It's what we make of them that makes them good or bad."

So none of the kids want to go to their dad's tonight. I told 6 yo she has to go (bag is already packed); ds13 didn't want to go, so I told him to talk to dad, as the reason he doesn't want to go is OW. I did not want to be involved in that conversation.

WXH has said that he will handle the kids and their feelings re: OW.

Ds13 talked to dad and now none of them are going. I really don't know what to do-- they don't want to go because of OW and this fall out from the affair. I also do want them to have a relationship with him.

Arrrggggggghhhhh!!!!!

I think DS13 is old enough to decide...what state are you in?

Whew, what a nice weekend! Nice and busy with friends!

I live in Ohio.

I think DS13 is old enough, too. He does go to his dad's, he just doesn't always want to go. I wish he would at least talk to his dad about his feelings.

OMG!!! I just realized I passed the anniversary of my D and I didn't even notice!!
I completely forgot and I didn't care at all. Wow! I did not expect that -- I figured it would be a 'trigger' day, but nope, not at all!

What I did do was: I had brunch with a girlfriend, cleaned up the house and I was going to go out for dinner, but I canceled as I really just wanted to stay home with the pugs and bad TV.

And we had a blast...

Wow! Congratulations on not even noticing. It sounds like your timeline is lot like mine except you are a year further down the road. I hope that a year from now I will not even notice, too.

That's great BF, about not remembering that day. I hope that happens to me next year.

You will be suprised how the pain fades. Its is slow, but it does happen!

For me, since my WXH had an affair, staying away from him has been the best for my recovery.

On another note, I have a coffee date on Saturday and I am actually very excited!! I have been on lots of coffee dates and dated a couple of guys more than a few times, but I wasn't ready.
Now, I feel ready to go out and enjoy it!

How'd your coffee date go BF?

It warms my heart that you can feel some excitment in between in your healing.

Oh, my, it was nice! We got together two more times over the weekend! It's nice to be attracted to someone again!

Oh yeah. Do I detect chemistry?



Dang girl!


I've entertained the idea of another partner later down the road, but the times I have thought about it, I keep seeing my husbands face.

Oh forgot to ask....

Wanna tell us more about him?

I know exactly what you are talking about here! I am no longer in the place of mourning my WXH. I was there for about 2.5 years! For me, I couldn't just 'move on' or date someone to forget, I had to be at a place where I liked my life as it was. And I am still there! I enjoy my time with friends, I enjoy meeting people and perusing Match, but if I don't have a boyfriend, I am just as happy!
I used to say to my counseling clients: You are the cake -- partners are the icing. They are nice, but the cake is delicious without it!

I have dated off and on all year, but it has been lots of coffee dates, some dinners, and most ended there or with me gaining a new friend. Now I feel ready to put my heart out there a little and enjoy someone's company on a deeper level. MB has helped me so much!!

There is definitely chemistry, so I am just enjoying talking to someone that I am really attracted to!
He is from Europe, smart, hot, passionate -- all good stuff! I'm looking forward to getting to know him better -- next date this Thursday night!

2 1/2 yrs hunh? How long were you married? Did that 2 1/2 yrs start at d-day, or divorce?




Me too BF. This is what I want. I do sometimes wonder however if a little tinsy weensy little distraction of the male variety every now and then would be a good thing, after the divorce. Probably not. Hunh....can I count the number of single years I had while married? Meaning, we lived separate lives for most of our 17 1/2 yrs together?

Hopefully you'll update us afterwards.

So, has any of the dating been awkward? What have you learned to do and not do since dating again? Bullet points will be fine.

Oh, the dating scene, how I love and hate you all at the same time!!!

No official date on Thursday, but we hung out later in the evening. We continued to communicate and I thought we had plans Sunday, but apparently not.

I think the phrase is: 'he's just not that in to you!"

Life lesson for me: just as in my marriage, I seem to like the other person more than they like me! If I am interested in someone, I am really interested right away. If I am not interested, I am just not.

Another thought -- Match is too much! There are so many options, that how does one decide to take the time to get to know one person you are attracted to? I think for men (I could be wrong) its like being a kid in a candy store. Every day they can go in there, reach out to a few women, line up a date, maybe get SF and then start over the next week. And its all in the guise of 'searching for the right one...'

I have canceled my subscription (again). Time to regroup and self care. I am ready to date, but I am not ready to deal with a- holes quite yet...