Good you exposed. Not stay out of the way of the ugliness that will follow.

To answer your post, the original question was "Is affair fog temporary or for life".

My answer is a bit of both. My xwh and I divorced in 04 (jan) and he instantly remarried the ow. She was pregnant too.

Fast forward to 2007, she tells me of his rampant infidelities to her, how she was never happy with him, and caught him in a hotel in the bahamas with not one, but TWO other women. One was his ow, other friend of the ow.

The ow/turned w is now divorcing my xh.

In this case, the fog has remained in the life of my xwh. I have 100 percent custody now, and spent the last 7 years of my life digging out from under the horrible financial mess he put us in. It was hard, but am still recovering nicely now.

The fog remained because my xwh remained an unrepentant wayward. But the affair of course, didn't last. He called her his "soulmate" "best friend" and the "woman I will love for all of my life". And he cheated on her literally months after they married.

So yes, in the case of my xwh the fog remains in his life.

And no, the affair didn't last. You see, we all know how those things will end (badly). We see the writing on the wall. We also know the foundation of a home should be faith, fidelity, and love, and when you're entangled in an affair, it is anything but that. It is a foundation built on lies, secrecy, betrayal, and pain.

Thank you MelodyLane, Recon6mon, hope3343, princessmeggy, and peachyisback!

Wow things are happening so fast!!!

I met up with the OWBF on Friday night and showed him the proof. Saturday morning my WH barges into the house - guns blazing!!!! Thank goodness I was prepared for a very, very angry WH!!!!!

The BF called him and is threatening to have my WH killed (he's a big, tough guy!!!). This just got too crazy for me!!!!

At 9pm same day, my WH sent me a very long apology email which said in part:

"I know you asked me not to contact you at all but I felt I needed to write you this letter. I also want to express in words how truly and deeply sorry I am for all the hurt and pain and suffering I have caused to you with my affair as well as my past actions. The guilt and burden on my conscious overwhelms me relentlessly every second. I have been a lost and unhappy person for so long and I�m still learning so many lessons needlessly the hard way. I want you to know that I will forever be sorry and regret my actions that have caused you so much hurt. I didn�t mean to do this to you. I wish I could take it all back. I want to rebuild my relationship with God.....

I also need to apologize about telling you on the phone that I loved OW and was going to spend my life with her. I selfishly said that and didn�t mean it and certainly didn�t mean to hurt you more with my words. I am truly sorry. She had told me a while ago that she needed her space and distance and that she would be working on what she already had. You were right about me hurting myself."

He also stated that he knows this is completely his own doing that now he is afraid for his life and to go back to the job and fears that he may be left for dead in a ditch!

then says "Please accept my most sincere from the heart apology for EVERYTHING I have done. I will respect & not contact you again as you twice requested. Sorry is not just a five-letter word � for me it will be a lifetime. "

I haven't responded. I am still dark. What do I DO or EXPECT next??? HELP my head is spinning!!!!

Rainbeau, you rock!

The affair took a very serious blow.

As I understand, you actually listed the preconditions for reconciliation in your plan B letter? Stay calm, keep the bar very high and proceed with caution. There is no hurry. I think he knows what it takes.

My two-cents is to not respond at all...let it hit the fan, sink in with him, whatever you think. It's probably too early for him to make any rational decision that isn't based solely on self-preservation.

To me, he's just sorry that he got caught. I think we've all heard the "I don't want to hurt you" line, which doesn't mean much when they're still stomping on your foot. From what he wrote, it sounds like she dumped him and he's trying to figure out what do to now. You certainly don't want to be his Plan B.

Besides, didn't you already tell him what he must do to reconcile this mess?

Others with more experience will respond, but it sounds like you're doing very well so far. Glad to hear that you've gotten this train moving one way or the other!

Take some time to sit on the email, get your thoughts together. You're driving now.

You have the affair on the ropes so don't let up now!! FINISH YOUR EXPOSURES. Expose to the workplace TODAY. This needs to hit the affairees like tsunami. Any other exposures should be completed TODAY.

Will he leave the job and end all contact with the OW? Will he commit to the marriage? If not, then you should go DARK again and not speak to him again until the affair ends and he has left that job.

I MADE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE! I called him. They are at the job together. He made me feel like complete garbage.

I'm filing for divorce, I can't take this anymore!!!!

I'm a mess!!!

Easy, Rainbeau. Of course they were at the job together! And he more than likely was talking to you in front of her, so he's not going to be sweet to you.

You'll be getting another contact from him as soon as the ho is out of hearing. What do you want to do with that?

If you don't want to divorce, don't talk about it. I wouldn't take his call at all right now.

Has this been exposed at their workplace yet?

HELP! I messed up!!! I let myself get sucked into the affair drama and messed up my plan B!

Firstly, thank you to everyone that has replied to my posts.

Looking back over the last few months, I was working so hard and was really sticking to all the prescribed plans to a tee. But it seems that today I lost my balance. Blame it on lack of sleep since the exposure 4 days ago, blame it on me not eating from all the stress or just plain blame it on my stupid emotional self. I must confess my mistakes of the day:

Earlier today my coworker friend called me (she and her H are friends with the OW's BF) to inform me of the craziest thing! The OWBF, who seemed to completely believe my exposure which included concrete evidence, is now convinced that I am some sort of psycho! The OWBF even called my WH and now they are kind of "buddies". My WH and the OW spun a story saying that I am a psycho W and that is why my WH had to move out of our home a few months ago and that the OW was just being an empathetic shoulder to cry on all these months and that their relationship is platonic. And that was their story explaining their 2am cell phone conversations on the cell bill. My WH and OW told the OWBF that I am insane and that my WH even has a restraining order against me and fears for his life! My WH has told a few of our neighbours the same story and they are now giving me the fish eye. This is ridiculous! I am in shock! All this at the same time my WH sends me that "apology" email. It seems the OWBF really wants to believe all this since he called my coworker to tell her all this about me. The OWBF also admitted to my coworker friend that he too had been unfaithful to the OW a couple years ago. He said he knows he is a lousy BF and this is just a case of what goes around comes around. So it sounds like he is going to blow it off!

Today being Monday, my WH and the OW and back at the job site together and it seems as though they have bonded and adopted an "us against the world" attitude.

So my confession goes as follows:

I messed up! I broke every rule! I just couldn't take it anymore. The slander was too much to bear. I called his cell and calmly inquired about the slander. He just began to rip into me and to tell me I'm crazy and that I would never change. He was misconstruing each word I said. I finally completely lost my composure and yelled "I can't take this anymore I'm filing for divorce"!

OOPS!!!!! What now?

But it doesn't end there...I followed up with a 2nd phone call to ask where to send the D papers to which he replied that he would not give me his home address as he needs to look out for his personal safety. Then, calm as ever he told me to send the D papers to the job site and he would happily sign them.

I'm an idiot!!

Calm down, hon!! Calm down, calm down, calm down.

OF COURSE THE INFIDELS ARE GOING TO PAINT YOU AS A NUT. That is the rule, rather than the exception. But it is an honor to be called a nutbag by a wayward. Rainbeu, did you expect them to paint you as the Queen of America?

You cannot control the outcome of exposures. The best you can do is provide the evidence and after that, you have no control. If someone is stupid enough to believe you are crazy, that is their problem.

Did you give the OW BF the evidence you have? If so, then you cannot do anything more.

I would AGAIN suggest you send a letter with back up evidence to the workplace. And then STOP communicating with your H.

Finish your exposures and STAY DARK AS NIGHT IN PLAN B. focus, focus, focus............

Melody Lane you are so encouraging! Thank you for helping me regain my balance and for replying so quickly.

I guess the slander makes you feel like you're being kicked while you are down but the people who believe it don't matter that much anyway. I suppose it shows that they are worried and are grasping at straws.

I guess the BF won't be much help but I will expose at the workplace tomorrow. Your sample letter was brilliant as the cell phone bills show a complete and utter waste of company time used to further their relationship. Calls every few minutes...

To answer your question, I did give the OWBF the evidence but I think he feels overwhelmed with guilt about his indiscretion that he has decided to overlook hers...

Don't you worry about a thing, hon!! Even though the OW BF claims he didn't believe you, deep down he knows the truth and will be watching like a HAWK.

But you need to send off those letters to the workplace and then go DARK AS NIGHT. You should never hear any reaction about the exposure. Don't tell your coworker either. Instead, tell her NOT to tell you anything about them. Nothing!!

Got that? Go dark, and stick to YOUR PLAN. Excuse yourself from the world of crazy and don't allow them to rule your life anymore, ok?

focus, focus, focus....

GOING DARK AS NIGHT!!!!!!!! I PROMISE!!!!!

Other caviat...my furnace broke down last night (reason i didn't sleep, spent the night in a parka with an electric blanket) and while I was on the phone with my WH today the furnace guy showed up so my WH knew our furnace had broken down. He then asked me why i hadn't called him.
After the furnace guy finished up I asked him how much I owed him. He told me it was taken care of...My WH called our furnace guy and paid for the repair...sometimes I swear he's trying to make me go crazy!

Who knows the truth? You do. Your WH does. God does. The best thing you can do right now is NOT respond at all. When someone calls you again wanting to discuss it and tell you ANYTHING about WH or OW, you politely tell them that you do not wish to discuss it. Hold your head high. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Your WH is expecting a reaction out of you and you gave it to him. No more.

Continue with your exposure but do it with calm and class. See, A's THRIVE on the drama.

This is hard stuff and it's not a magic bullet. Stay with your PLAN. Do not waiver. If you feel the need to reach out to WH or to defend yourself to well-meaning friends(?) come here and post.

Just imagine all of us standing behind you.

(((Rainbeau)))

PrincessMeggy you are so right! A big reason why i feel so crumby is because I let go of my dignity today!!!


Just curious...can anyone get in legal trouble for exposing at the workplace...I ask as a friend of mine's xH served her with papers for defamation of character because she told people he wasn't paying child support (which was true) but he served her anyway...

Nope! The truth is a defense for slander!

Oh anybody can file a suit for just about anything, whether they will prevail is another story. Your friend not paying child support wouldn't be nearly as embarrassed as finding out that they're involved in an adulterous affair.

As far as your WH trying to get you into legal trouble? How? Slander or defamation claims can only be won if they're proven FALSE. The truth is a defense to that.

He would have to expose himself AND the OW in Court to support their claim. If he tried to do it without bringing up the A, you would use it as part of your defense. Do you think a WS REALLY wants to whole world (or at least the town) know that they're a cheater?

We have a corporate attorney here on the site that drafted an exposure letter for the workplace. There is nothing incriminating (to you) about it. You're merely pointing out that the A is going on, that they are using company time and assets to conduct it, and that you want to know what they plan to do about it. An workplace A is usually a huge no-no because of the possibility of sexual harassment, mental and emotional distress, and a question of ethics.

I am always hopeful and giddy with excitement when waywards threaten to sue over exposure!! Just imagine the FUN of getting to prove your case in an open court!! You would get to subpeona the infidels [both the WS and the OW] for all of their cell phone and email records!! If you get that threat, simply say PLEASE DO!!!

in truth, it is rare, rare, rare, because the last thing they want is their affair dragged through into the public arena.

MelodyLane and PrincessMeggy,thank you for the legal advice, much appreciated.

I will keep you posted!

@Rainbeau -

LOL!


Yep! I know I was like WTF! But guess who now watches them two like a hawk? OMW. Oh and she has done her own exposure to his family and friends.

Don't worry. The lies that will come spinning out of this. The Fantasy is dying.

Get your list of requirements together. Pretty soon you are going to be needing to lay them onto WS.

You Go Girl! You are acting instead of reacting. Feel your cape of power being weaved?