We are really trying to start our recovery but it seems every time we gain some momentum, she contacts him and we have to start over.

Today he made a big step and sent me his phone records - from the last contact until now - including texts. I thought this would be something we could talk about and build on tonight. He called an hour after he sent them and told me she contacted him and was concerned about a FB account that I have that I used to contact OWH and let him know about the affair. She is very stressed about it and wants me to close it. WH called me at work asked me about it and asked me to close it as well. It has only been two weeks since they stopped contacting one another. She lives 500 miles away so they have not seen each other in person much at all during the whole EA.

I feel like the only reason she brought this up is that she wanted to conteact H again not that she was stressed - really if I want to contact OWH and send him details, old e-mails, etc I still can. That will not change.

I don't know what to do. I am upset she contacted him again. I appreciate that he told me about it because it is not an e-mail account I would have ever had access to - work. But I did feel a little like he was trying to protect her from me seeking revenge. I am not seeking revenge - I simply had not closed the account nor have I paid much attention to it. But I feel like the bad guy.

Sorry - I am ranging from anger to depression to outrage here and at this point I can't afford to get too worked up due to health reasons.

Any advice from the vets?

What is happening is they are trying to con you into cutting off any path for the OWH to contact you. So I would not only leave the FB page up, I would contact the OWH tomorrow and give him other means with which to contact you. I would tell him she is still in contact with your H. HE NEEDS TO KNOW THE AFFAIR IS STILL ONGOING.

That is the first problem.

The next problem is that your H is still in touch with his OW. That means the affair is still on. Why is he still in touch with his OW?

Has this affair been exposed to all of OW's family? What about your families and your children?

This affair needs to be exposed to EVERYONE. It has gone on for a very long time and your H and the OW are very flagrant and don't believe you will do anything to stop them.

Ma'am, you need to be making plans to go into Plan B. Your H is still in his affair and you have just experienced D-DAY #5. Do you know what Plan B is?

Maybe you are correct.

I have put off Plan B due to being pregnant and at high risk especially if too much stress is involved. It is a critical time for me over the next few weeks.

I'm so tired right now.

I am very sorry for you, day2day, but the affair is in full swing and they are trying to trick you into closing down your fb page. Have you been in contact with the OW's husband? Has this affair been exposed?

The OW intercepted the email and this is one of the reasons they want you off facebook. They don't want you causing trouble for the affair.

yes, but I think it has been explained away by OW. He must at least be suspicious though if the account is causing her that much stress.

I will refuse to shut down the account. If he chooses to contact me I told him he was welcome to. I don't know anyone else related to her so that is as far as the exposure went on her end.

See, they are very worried you are going to interfere with their affair. Are you going to interfere with it? That might upset the OW, you know...

Is she still on facebook? If so, can you go and copy the names of all her friends into a WORD document?

After I contacted OWH she took her FB account down. I have taken other measures as I could from the technology thread as well. It appears that things have ended at least on H's end but she isn't going away.

I have no problem upsetting her. I have no issue with any exposure on her end. I owe her nothing.

Your H has not ended the affair. The affair is still ongoing, I assure you. He is still in contact and is worried you are going to tell her husband about the affair. He has already told you he is still in contact with her.

If you want to save your marriage you are going to have to kill this affair. I suspect her husband doesn't have the slightest idea about the affair.

Can you set up a fake facebook page to see if you can find her? She may just have you blocked. Does the OWH have a facebook page? Do you see any of his family members on it?

I am going to send him another note from my own FB account with more contact info.

It is the fake FB page they want me to take down, this is how I know she is gone and has taken hers down. I sent OWH a note from my own FB account. And yes, she did have me blocked. H had set up a separate account for just the two of them. It has since been taken down and I check it periodically - original reason for fake FB account as I was blocked there too.

I think I can see family members on it but I am only sure of their son as I do not know her maiden name.

I would try another way this time. She likely intercepted the last email. And she surely is watching his email like a hawk NOW to intercept it in case you do it again.

That is why she and her boyfriend want to trick you into deleting your fb page. They are very worried.

Can you go and copy and paste the OW husband's facebook friends into a WORD doc right now? Go through it and identify his brothers, sisters and parents.

What other way could you contact him other than through his facebook page? Have you checked to see if the OW has a fb page but just has you blocked? What happens when you google her name?

Done and done. We will see what tomorrow brings.

I don't know how else to get in contact with him. Kinda common last name but I will keep looking.

OW's FB page is gone - checked it a few different ways and am sure it is gone.

Thanks for the support.

Did you ID his parents and his brothers and sisters? Can you find his home phone #? What about where he works?

Can you find any of the OW's family members on the OWH's page?

No siblings. Only his father?? on there - a little nervous as he has same name as son and I would really prefer not to do that to someone's 12yo. I feel that is OWH's responsibility.

No clue where he works - only where he went to school, misc useless info.

I am not following you. Do you have his fathers fb account? Or the son's? Or both?

Can you look on the fathers page and find any brothers or sisters of the OWH?

day2day, what I am going to suggest is that you blow up this affair tomorrow by exposing it wide and far. The affair is very much still on. Your H is still in contact with the OW and they are colluding to get you off facebook so you wont' further interfere anymore.

If you want to end this once and for all, it needs to be exposed. It needs to be exposed to the OW's H, and as many family members of the OW, you and your H you can find. Your children should be told all about the affair too so they can ask your H about it.

I would plan on contacting the OWH tomorrow even if you have to contact him through his father or siblings. And I don't mean just sending an email and hoping for the best, but speaking to him on the phone and sending him all your evidence of the affair.

I would then call your H's family and close friends and ask them to use their influence to persuade your H to end his affair. Hopefully they will make that call. Your family should also be told so they can support you.

Your children should be given all the facts about the affair so they can understand the source of the tension in your home.

Exposure is the BEST CHANCE you have at saving your marriage, day2day. Dr Harley, who has saved thousands of marriages calls it the most important first step towards recovery:

here

Hi d2d,

I think that you're describing things the wrong way round, in this post and in your thread title. What matters is not that OW is contacting your H; it is that he wants her to do that and encourages it. He is enjoying her attention and her meeting of his ENs, and he is as fully in the affair as he ever was. This contact is not her fault; it is his.

I know about this; I have it scarred into my brain. I had about 6 D days spread over 4 years. My H had a PA with a woman who lives in another country. He travelled there for work about twice a month, and because it was abroad it was easy for him to hide from me.

I first discovered condoms in his drawer about 6 weeks into the affair. I thought that we reconciled and were working on the marriage, but as it never occurred to me that in order for us to recover he should stop travelling and become transparent to me, I believed that he ended the affair. Two years later I found that it had gone from strength to strength.

Still without MB after two years, I struggled to make him care enough for me and the kids to stop seeing her. I suffered further D Days over the next year as continued contact came to light.

The PA ended at 3.5 years when I decided to leave him and he instead gave up travelling that day. However, the EA continued via workplace contact, which I could not monitor as he is in a high-security job.

I found MB after nearly 4 years of this, and exposed to her H. I made sure that OW could not intercept my message by contacting him via his work email.

Only exposure ended the lingering EA. My H and OW fought over his final, explicit words that he would not leave me, and that's how they finally broke up. She felt that he had used her (do you think?!) and he was sick of her drama and vindictiveness towards his marriage. Her H made her give up her own travelling job and move back into his home if she wanted to stay married. (She was renting a flat while she worked abroad Monday to Friday, and living at home at weekends).

Only exposure forced my H to stop cake-eating and abusing me. Not even the end of his travelling stopped that entirely.

If you do not do as MelodyLane and other have instructed and blow up this affair today, you will have more D Days. You will suffer more emotional trauma. After that, when the affair dies a natural death, even if you make a personal, emotional recovery, you will eventually lose so much love for your H that marital recovery will not stand a chance.