That's something I haven't been hearing, Card. The only thing I've heard is your concern about exposing at your WW's job and to OM's wife.

Are you interested in saving your M?

I don't think we can recover. Not even sure I want to at this time. Maybe at a later date but right now I think exposing the affair is the thing I need to do.

I have told several of our closest friends. They will drop her. I have OM's home phone and address. He will have to leave for work early this morning. I'm calling Monday morning. I meet with my lawyer monday afternoon to attempt to finalize the divorce.

I was trying to figure out how I could get the final papers signed before I broke the news to his wife but that could be weeks away.

Uh, wrong. The purpose of exposure is NOT to "punish" the APs and the "real" purpose is NOT to "activate a TOOL to drive your WS away from AP and back to you." It's purpose is to expose the A to the light of day. Once people know, it's not so much fun for the APs. It's also used to inform and warn the other BS about what is going on in their lives. It should never be used as manipulation or revenge or even with an expectation that your WS will come running back to you. Usually, it results in a very angry WS. A lot of times it can result in killing the A.

Who are you calling the "morality police"? MBers who support MB methods? What's the deal?

Please do not make the decision to divorce in the emotional state you are.

Expose now. Exposure should be done in shortest time possible. If you give waywards a warning (through your friends) they will preempt your strike describing you as a jealous crazy husband.

Please listen our advice - it has been correct until now, isn't it?

**edit**

As someone who got the whole A story from OWH, I'll disagree.

Yanno, my H might - might have been able to hide the depth of his A. He might have gotten away with it, but for the call I got from OWH. Vindictive? Yep, I suspect he called me with every hope in the world that I would punish my H with at least divorce.

Didn't happen. That phone call is what initiated a whole new life for us, one that includes complete transparency, honesty - MB stuff we'd never made a priority before. We rebuilt on the foundation of that phone call.

It wasn't easy to hear what he told me, absolutely. It was the worst/best phone call I ever got.

So I suppose at the end of the day everyone's going to do what they're going to do. I just want to get it out there that I am thankful OWH called me with his terrible news. I consider it a favor.

Man, you guys and gals had my head spinning so I had to get away from this for a couple of days.

Everything has been quiet here. I'm still going to lawyer on Monday. I'm going to a SB party tomorrow night and an old friend that works in the same company as STBXWW and the OM will be there. Hopefully he can give me some knowledge or at least help me prepare more "evidence" so that I can talk to OM's wife. I am planning on getting the papers done first.

The marriage is dead. I know that. I wish it were not but I have to come to accept that I have to move on for my daughter and I. But, OM's wife might want to save hers. She at least needs to know and I will let her have her information this week.

Absolutely. It's the right thing to do.

As far as your marriage, are you SURE you're done now that you know exactly what you're dealing with? It doesn't matter to us, you have every right to end it finally, you'll find support from us either way. Just know, that a fresh D-Day can play havoc on your emotions and it's generally not a good idea to make big decisions when emotions are running high.

I understand what you are saying, but even if I wanted to stay married, do you really think it is worth it? I mean seriously? She's been having an affair. We have been going through a divorce. She's lied, cheated, run us into the ground financially and emotionally, and never taken an responsibility for anything. I know that I need to get away for a little while and regroup. I have zero desire to see anyone else.

Yes, there are times when I still want her back. But there are others when I know that she is DONE!!! I had been working at fixing this marriage for months! Now I know she has been lying and having an affair. I do want to keep my family intact but for crying out loud, she will never be able to live up to the standards that I am going to require if we come back together. I believe I will always be looking over my shoulder, wondering what is happening.

Cardman, after the ink is dry, I would suggest you expose the affair to everyone, esp your children and inlaws. Your WW will try to ease the OM into your children's lives and your inlaws lives as if he is some new paramour. They all need to know who this scumbag really is, otherwise he may end up a permanent part of your family.

Your kids have a right to know who this man really is. He is an enemy to them. And if you don't tell them the truth, your WW will tell them lies...about you.

I didn't expose my XH's affair until years later and by then everyone had accepted the OW as "part of the family." My MIL was not happy that no one ever told her in the beginning.

I will expose to everyone, but as I have said before, I understand that her mom knows the truth. MIL always takes care of everything. My STBXWW has never taken responsibility for anything.

My main reason for exposure is because (a) I have a feeling this has been going on for a long, long time and the OM's wife has a right to know if she doesn't, (b) I don't want my child raised in a home where infidelity is accepted, (c) while I don't want revenge, it will give me peace of mind to have everyone know the truth. That my STBXWW's crap and all of the things she has said to me and about me are a bunch of lies.

Sure, her family and friends will all stick up for her. She has a new life waiting in a new town where she works. But, I just want to make sure it gets started on the "correct" foot. She's wanting to escape responsibility for her actions. I want that responsibility to follow her to her new life.

Start exposing soon, have a list of your target audience, as for the OM take this far and wide not just to his wife, target friends, family and co-workers.
Use words like adulterous affair since xxx , taken advantage of our marital issues, he has preyed on my wife, and inserted himself into our marriage for his own emotional and physical pleasure. Be creative with the words, punch hard , identify him by name. As the OM is married ensure that this is mentioned to your wifes friends as well.

He and your wife must cring and their affair must be seen by all.

Good luck and keep posting.